Quote from: Kyler on October 03, 2014, 05:42:56 PM
I honestly wouldn't have entered a relationship without them recognizing that I am a man, regardless of my inability to physically transition, so I'm not sure.

This.

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on October 03, 2014, 07:00:42 PM
I'd probably leave and start all over tbh.  It's clear he won't budge, his family is just fueling it by being conservative and all that. I could see him maybe changing his views if he was either not around his family constantly, or his family was more liberal, but I don't see that happening in your current living situation.

And this is why I would have never gone into the relationship in the first place if I weren't going to be recognized as male much less gone as far as to have a child and get engaged.

It would be pretty selfish not to mention unfair to your fiancé and child to just leave and start over. You have a child so you have a responsibility. You also allowed your fiancé to see you as female so of course he's going to be confused and probably hurt too. It also sounds as if having your son sealed the deal in everyone thinking you're comfortable being female now. Your dysphoria or gender identity didn't come up and make you think twice about these things before they happened?

I think the best thing you can do now is have a serious conversation with your fiancé about all of this, like many people have already mentioned, then decide how to proceed from there. He knew you identified as male when he met you and he said he would support you no matter what so I guess you're going to find out if he really meant that.

Wow, it seems like there's a lot of blame going on in this thread. What folks think should have been done isn't really helpful. Shawn can't change the past and is looking for advice on how to move forward from now. I'm sure shawn already feels horrible about what's going on and doesn't need to feel more horrible

I agree with everyone who has said you need to have a serious conversation with your fiancee. I think h3llsb3lls advice was really good. There are always options. It might seem like all bad choices right now, but sometimes the really hard choices lead to more good than you'd expect (for you and others)

Quote from: h3llsb3lls on October 03, 2014, 07:43:27 PM
I have three kids. My parents know and accept me, my husband's parents... not so much. They have no clue. They will though, once I'm fully out. In any situations you have options. You have the option to live as male, just as he has the option to not be in a relationship with you if need be. There is no such thing as an ultimatum or an impossible situation. You have to decide what will ultimately make you happier so you can be the best parent and person you can be. If you are miserable, your kids will be miserable. Trust me, I'm the kid of a miserable mother, and her issues definitely shaped me. Whatever you decide, just know that there are people you can turn to. You are not alone.

This is pretty much what I would have said. You need to take of you. I'm also the kid of miserable parents, and it affected me very badly.

I had a question for the OP: you said that you and your husband live with his mother as she doesn't have long to live. As someone who has a very ill mother-in-law, I know how much pressure it puts on a relationship. I don't currently live with mine, but I do know that when she gets too ill, we will be the ones who move back and take care if her. Would it be possible for you to start making plans now for when she is no longer a factor in your lives? I don't want to sound morbid but it seems to me that she is a major source of stress, and if she isn't well, it may not be the best as far as stress to come out at the moment.

I also wanted to point out that a lot of guys here have gone through pregnancy and child birth and then transitioned. From what I know regarding several guys here, both dad and their kids are doing fine. It seems like it's impossible, but a lot of kids have an easier time with a transitioning parent than adults do.

My husband and I have been together for nearly 12 years and he knew about my identity stuff within the first few when I figured myself out. He's been wonderful and great, and our relationship is much stronger than I thought was possible. Marriage can and does survive transition, and it sounds like your partner knew before. Sit down and talk with him seriously. Let him know that you're struggling and you need to at least start dealing with how you feel. It's terrifying to start, but once you take that first step, you may be surprised by how easily the rest follows. You have a leg up since you started with honesty.

You're not alone in this. It may seem that way, but you can always look here, and you can pm if you need someone to talk to.