Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 17, 2014, 11:26:08 AM
Wow! I thought I was the only one who was bitter and jaded.i wasnt always that way and I'm sure you folks weren't either.

You are right, I was not always like this.

this is sad to hear my sisters talk about giving up on love - i know it shouldnt be the driving force of our lives, but it shouldnt be disregarded either.

im speaking for myself only, but im not giving up, im just setting my sights on a different kind of person, the TG type, either FTM or MTF is the only choice for me, and reason being is,

ive been with men, who claimed they loved me... wanted sex every f*#king day/night, i was starting to feel like a f*#k doll. sorry to be so blunt...

ive been with a bi sexual women, who loved me... but felt uneasy out in public... which eventually destroyed our relationship...

gays want nothing to do with us sexually or relationships...

lesbian have always been nice to me, but never indicated they wanted me as a lover...

str8t women, want a mans man...

CD's pretty much most of them are married - if your a CD, just be frakin honest when you reply to this thread and tell me if your not married, and not dressing behind her back...

im not judging - just exposing my own experiences...

i still need someone - and that leaves only us TS/TG community folks - who else would totally understand what im going through and appreciate me as a person and a lover - i really hope that we all find that someone, i just know what my preferences are, and im in no hurry generally,  but during the holidays is when i feel the pain the worse, and you ladies and gentlemen know what im talking about, that pain of loneliness, so i really hate this time of the year...

but i will always keep a small door open in my heart for a lover...

I really hate this time of year myself. Especially because my 50th birthday is on the 31st of this month, a birthday I'll celebrate alone.

Lonely? I'm so so lonely it hurts. I think about it and all I wanna do is cry. And I do, usually until my tears dry up. Likewise tho I'm tired of being used by a person who's supposed to love me. Which is what happened during the final 6 months of my last long term relationship. This happening along with my inability to be sexually intimate with her due to my crippling genital dysphoria is what ended our 4 & 1/2 year relationship. The latter will be corrected with my upcoming SRS. However the fear of being used again, and/or emotional hurt will always hang over me.

Ally

I don't celebrate birthdays outside of my son's. Not mine or anyone elses'. SRS might alleviate gender dysphoria, but it does not help in the dating world in "getting" a date or intimate partner.

Allyda, your still young, ive hit 58 years old myself, but anyway Pre Happy Birthday Sugar - I really wish there was a str8t answer for us, im not sure if we are cursed for having this gender disphoria thing or not, but if you have a peer support group in your area or State, you really should go sister, it always made me feel better and if they have get together like picnics, bike riding, etc., you should really join and be part of their activities, if they dont have one then start one... i promise it will make you feel better and perhaps meet someone there...

what i hate is when im interested in someone, they never seem to be interested in me, i get my hopes up just to be let down hard, when that happens i goto my friends and fellow sisters and brothers of the TG community and it all seems to be smoothed over cause of it...

there is dating sites for transgendered people, where you can at least meet others in your area...

the best thing is the peer support groups...

Quote from: Allyda on October 17, 2014, 02:16:29 PM
a birthday I'll celebrate alone.

Not while I am still here. We can have a PM birthday party!! 

You won't be totally alone at all. Of course maybe I am just happy because you are a year older then me Grammy! 

Alaena and Jess,

Thanks y'all, you made me feel a little better. Remember, Oct. 31st is my 50th anniversary of my being 35. Hey I look like I'm only 35, or so I'm told, so why not run with it!

Now, where did I put my Geritol??, lol!

Ally

Quote from: Allyda on October 17, 2014, 04:23:26 PM
Now, where did I put my Geritol??, lol!

Silly it's next to your Ensure on the other side of your walker! 

I had someone I loved dearly. He's on this forum in fact. I was trying to get the ball rolling so that my son would never again be homeless And then he and I could be together. I want my Son to have the upbringing I that I never got because I was an Army Brat. It's a cycle that still affects me today. My Son and his Mother will finally have a home they can call their own. Ultimately... I was too late. I can't compete with a cis girl anyway. What can I offer him more than hugs and kisses and to snuggle with him at night, which I loved so much! But, I lost him. But he is my best friend. I trust him more than myself. I can't let him leave my life. I'll get over the breakup in time, sure. but I am not going through this again with anyone else. My driving instructor is interested in me. he still wants to meet for "coffee". I have half a mind to let him have his way with me in exchange for my CDL. I just want to drive. go on a lifetime road trip.

i met someone too, another TG women here in the city, the problem is she is going through a lot herself with a divorce from her genetic female partner, and is scheduled for her SRS next month - the other problem, im afraid to get close to her because i dont think i can risk my heart getting broken again, id rather be lonely compared to going through that again. we spent some time together last saturday, i was teaching her to how to ride my electric motorcycle, then we had lunch at hooters here in bricktown, it was a awesome time.

but its like we are walking on glass with each other, trying not to break any pieces. i just dont know what to do, at this moment we are just keeping it as sisters, which to me is more like the women in my life telling me they want to be friends only...

friends are good, but i need a lover, and i want her to be that to me - in other words i want to be the one that makes her smile, not just because we are friends, but beause we love each other...

as usual i came close a couple times, where i did the try to hard thing and almost pushed her away twice - i am spun out so bad that i dont know what direction im heading in anymore... 

ok, i know what everyone is gonna say "take my time, if it is meant to happen it will", but that wont help me now...

im screwed...

Quote from: Alaena_okc on October 21, 2014, 01:40:50 PM
i met someone too, another TG women here in the city, the problem is she is going through a lot herself with a divorce from her genetic female partner, and is scheduled for her SRS next month - the other problem, im afraid to get close to her because i dont think i can risk my heart getting broken again, id rather be lonely compared to going through that again. we spent some time together last saturday, i was teaching her to how to ride my electric motorcycle, then we had lunch at hooters here in bricktown, it was a awesome time.

but its like we are walking on glass with each other, trying not to break any pieces. i just dont know what to do, at this moment we are just keeping it as sisters, which to me is more like the women in my life telling me they want to be friends only...

friends are good, but i need a lover, and i want her to be that to me - in other words i want to be the one that makes her smile, not just because we are friends, but beause we love each other...

as usual i came close a couple times, where i did the try to hard thing and almost pushed her away twice - i am spun out so bad that i dont know what direction im heading in anymore... 

ok, i know what everyone is gonna say "take my time, if it is meant to happen it will", but that wont help me now...

im screwed...

Alaena, ^^___^^ You pretty much summed up the whole of how I feel on the subject, including the sexual component, or rather lack thereof in my last serious relationship which, may or may not have ended I dunno(even tho I broke it off with her, she keeps coming around wanting things with us back the way they were). I'm so so tired of letting someone into my heart only to have it smashed to itty bitty pieces. Also, However as I'm still pre-op(I'm cleared for SRS and will be having it soon), my problem with being intimate and what made me push her away every time she tried is my severe crippling genital dysphoria.

Until I have my SRS, I'm condemned to live a life of loneliness.

Ally

If there is one thing I learned, it's that it always comes down to sex. if you don't have the right bits, it wont work out.

Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 22, 2014, 06:21:34 PM
If there is one thing I learned, it's that it always comes down to sex. if you don't have the right bits, it wont work out.

Shame you've had that experience, because it's quite different to my own..

Quote from: kelly_aus on October 22, 2014, 08:01:44 PM
Shame you've had that experience, because it's quite different to my own..

Then you've been quite lucky. ^_^

Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 22, 2014, 06:21:34 PM
If there is one thing I learned, it's that it always comes down to sex. if you don't have the right bits, it wont work out.

You might be right, our opinions might differ on what the 'right bits' are though.  For me the mind and the heart are bits that matter (that's how my partner feels too)

Alice
xx

If I am honest I have given up on love and just accepted I will always be alone, part of my problem is I can't tell when I am attracted to someone or if I even can be, besides all that I highly doubt there is anyone for me, even if my being trans isn't an issue I have so many other problems that would put people off that I dare not even entertain the idea someone could be attracted to me. The only relationships I have had have either been using me for their own means or emotionally abusive. So yes while I am not that old(feel it) I have given up on love.

I think this thread may have gotten somewhat maybe slightly off topic. (Going off of the name that is) To answer the question though

Not if you have the attitude/mindset that you won't.
You may if you keep looking
Love comes when you least expect it
Add another line here which I know I'm forgetting. lol ^_^;

More idiom cliches. Love is the result of cohesive social bonds and elevated levels of oxytocin because of said social bonds. Attraction leads to developing said social bonds thus, eventually culminating into love.  Therefore, love comes whenever those social bonds become highly cohesive in individuals. Also, love can come with any type of personality or behavioral expressions. People fall in love with murderers, rapists, woman beaters, and extremely antisocial or psychologically unstable people all the time.

OMG Natalie, you remind me so much of  Piper, a good friend of mine, you two think very much a like,

but your right, its like the lotto, you cant win if you dont play the game...

you must become a social butterfly to meet others, never go out looking for it, just let it happen.

or stay home and eventually you will meet someone "NOT".

just try your best to be yourself and dont stick your foot in your mouth like i do over and over again, and be patient, something i need to learn myself...

I have realized that my transition and my age have put me in a place where I am very unlikely ever to find true love again. I had it once, but she decided she needed a "real man"^tm and the person she fell in love with could no longer protect her from stuff like big scary bugs that needed squishing  (she actually told me that).

I also think that love tends to find us when we aren't looking and we don't expect it, so I haven't given up all hope.

My strategy is just to keep myself very busy and try not to think about it too much.