I know that nobody here is really an expert on people being transgender but I was just curious if you can be Transgender and be like a male for instance and not dress in womans clothing or have the desire to transition or any of that? I mean I know for a fact that I am a woman trapped in a mans body but the more and more I think about it I just feel like its a road that where I will be expected to dress full time in female clothes (which I would love) and then taking hormones and all that (which I would love to do as well) and then whatever else I would have to do down the road. I have looked at make up videos and I am like there is no way I have the patiance to put on make up, thats alot of work, lol. I give the girls that do put makeup on some big credit.

I mean who says as a transgender person that you have to live that way? I mean if i was 20 years younger I would be totally up for it but as time goes on I am like that is alot of work and time and in the lifestyle that I have where I move around and all that I am not sure if its feaseable to live as a woman. I know that it would be hard to find a job that would be accepting as well as other issues. I am open to everyones opinions even if I find them to be neagtive or etc, just be upfront with me.

Perhaps you can live not transitioning only you can really determine that. Be warned that dysphoria tends to get worse as time goes on. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed.

Quote from: White Rabbit on October 27, 2014, 07:27:55 PM
Perhaps you can live not transitioning only you can really determine that. Be warned that dysphoria tends to get worse as time goes on. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed.

this totally!

Makeup is just one thing I use to feel pretty and pass better with. It is not so hard after you get used to it at all. 

There's a huge, huge difference between being female and wanting to be feminine-if you are a woman, have that body, that doesn't mean you have to wear makeup and grow out your hair...what I mean to say, is that you can live however you wish, and (outside the neursis of our standards of care) should be able to transition in whatever way you'd like.  Some days, I wear heavy makeup and dresses; others, I wear a t-shirt, jenes, and no makeup at all.  I'm no less female on the days I dress that way.  Just...keep that in mind.

You sound a bit like myself.

20 years ago my issues were so small I didn't realize I had a problem and I was doing fine as a man. These days I'm scared for my life if I don't do something. If only I'd known...

It would be great if you could know how things are going to turn out in the future. Transitioning has a pretty high cost, and if you can live without it that has a certain appeal. The problem is knowing ahead time, and I've no idea how you're supposed to work that out.

There may be an expectation of how things work by some, but its not the way I'm doing things. Its my road, and I'm going to find my way down it (I'm pretty stubborn). I present male at the psych and endo, and I've had zero problems with it. I'm getting everything I need, and no more or less than if I presented female. I may be lucky with where I live and getting decent people helping me, but knowing what I do now I'd work around them if I had to.

I'm sure its easier socially though if you confirm to expectations, but I've not faced that yet, and not looking forward to it either.

Basically I think you need to be yourself, if you can work out what that is.

You can be yourself Sandy and that is a unique person.  You have been around here a bit and likely know there are many threads that have explored different presentations, non binary transitions, no transition and even detransition.

In my opinion it is what's between your ears rather than your legs that matters.  I had a beard most of my long adult life and remember telling people at the first trans support group i attended;  I know what i look like and I know what you see is not really me.  A couple years of transition later it is a joy to see myself now as that girl in the mirror.  You have previously acknowledged that we can have many obstacles, including $, but i hope you will also note how many of us succeed regardless of what challenges there are.

It's whatever you're happy with. Understand though that if you want to be female, society is not going to view you as that unless you look a certain way. That's just how it is, unfortunately.

Practical considerations?

Makeup - I want to learn and I think it's a wonderful part of femininity. That said I want to reach the point where I can pass without it. Hard work and probably not achievable I know, but I want to aim for it. It's not everyone's cup of tea, I know.

Age - a lot of people start late. My therapist says she routinely deals with patients in their 40s and 50s. I wish I could have transitioned at 11 or 12 or even 16 or 21 but such is life. Better late than never (I'm 36 now and just starting).

Employment - Doesn't seem to be *as* much of an issue these days. Anti discrimination laws are helping to some degree, but they aren't perfect yet.

But don't let me tell you what to do. You need to figure that out for yourself, preferably with the help of a professional.

You say you feel like a woman trapped in a man's body. What appeals to you about being a woman? Is it how you perceive yourself or how society sees you?

I just want to say that from your first post it sounds like you DO have the desire to transition. You just also have another competing despite not to transition - possibly due to things like inconvenience, fear, and being comfortable in your lifestyle.

You can be trans in any body or lifestyle. You can express or not express your gender identity however you want, however you feel safe, however you feel comfortable.

You can go to trans support groups. You can try on a new name and pronoun set. You can try on new clothes, dresses, makeup, etc. And you can do these things privately or publicly. And you can call it cross-dressing or experimenting or being your true self.

Whatever feels right and comfortable to YOU as an individual is probably the right course of action, thought, and self-definition.

Wow! Thanks for all the advice and support and I really do appreciate that. This is all so new to me and its exciting yet I don't have lots of fear ahead of what I should or shouldn't do and I think by being a member here that it will def help me along the way to realize who and what I want to be in the end. I will look over this over and over again to get the best knowledge about myself and what I need to do. I really do know that I want this and I just need to figure out how to go about getting it, thanks again.

Once again start with a certified gender therapist they will help a lot