Hey all-

So lately, I've been getting more and more femme in my presentation (or wanting to be anyways).  I've been working the androgynous angle for two years or so now, and I've gotten to a place where I'm a lot less...afraid, I guess?  Of presenting in a more feminine way.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not someone who thinks being a woman has anything to do with dresses, being pretty, etc...but I guess right now, it's what I feel like doing, plus for some reason it helps out with dysphoria, so I'm going for that more and more now. 

So what I have now as far as hair goes is...well, sometimes, I like it, but others it bothers me, like a lot.  I've been growing it out for two years or so, and just got the hi-lights put in last month!  Before I had it styled this way, I tried straightening it-blow driers, relaxers, irons-it didn't matter, nothing really worked.  I always ended up with this huge mass of hair like a lion's mane, and it took me way too long to style.  I had this done with a high-end stylist, very capable person; I really loved it at first!

Right now, I usually shampoo and then deep condition weekly, condition with sulfate-free conditioner every day, and use a styling gel-it's the only thing that prevents it from turning into frizz.  When I first style it it looks pretty good, but here's how it looks after a few hours (and I'm also not wearing makeup-yay looking like a guy)




When I'm not wearing a dress or a skirt and not wearing makeup, I still get gendered as male pretty often...it's not fun.  Honestly, I could probably even pass if not for the hair.  I'm virtually broke (so Keritin treatments probably won't work, I can barely even afford a good haircut more than once every few months-trying to change that though), and when I think about wigs-I mean, I just don't like the idea.  Something about wearing a wig makes me feel like a fake woman.  Like I'm pretending to be a woman, and that's not what this is for me at all.  I have a friend who is just starting out, and she wears this ugly wig...and I just feel so uncomfortable around her when she's wearing it, it feels like a joke.  And when I think about growing it out-I mean, it'll get worse before it gets better.  I look more and more masculine as the sides and back grow out.  Ugh, I feel like I'm sorta backed into a corner right now.

So-does anyone have any tips/tricks/ideas/miracle that could actually give me nice hair?

Thanks!

No miracle. Just some tips.

Do not dry your scalp with hot air from the hair dryer.
Do not treat your hair with straightener.
For hair loss, try minoxidil or other hair-loss preventing medicines including finasteride.

barbie~~
 

Hmmm so what are you trying to achieve with your hair? I see only one side that is somewhat grown out but the rest is trimmed down, do you want long hair?

From what it sounds like you're doing everything right, I've been growing mine out for about 3-4 years (past boobs, when straight) I honestly don't remember how long exactly but it took almost two years to get past the awkward curly hair stage where it would finally stay down and not poof up. It was super frustrating but I stuck with it. Now I love my hair and get compliments on it a lot but you gotta go through that fugly awkward stage, it's a part of the process.

But I basically did what you're doing deep condition, keep my hair hydrated and get the ends cut when needed. The only other thing is patience and not to damage the ends when growing it out.

I did wear a wig when I was first beginning to grow my hair out. But I shopped around and had a professional fit done. I went with a style that framed my face and everything perfectly. You couldn't tell it was a wig, quality makes a huge difference so if I were you I wouldn't discount that option completely, give that a try if you can save up the money for one.

I really like your hair, I don't know maybe I'm weird 

Years ago a hairdresser friend of mine showed me an experiment where he took samples of my hair and left them in containers with different shampoos, conditioners, treatments... some of the "Expensive" stuff actually disintegrated my hair overnight, nothing left in the containers. Others made the hair split or kink up. He told me to wash my hair with ONLY hot water for a month. (gross right?) And to work my natural oils by brushing/combing. It worked and It grew way faster too. No more scalp itch or dandruff.  Hair was not dead looking anymore. Our scalps produce natural oils that the hair needs yet we wash/scrub those oils off with hair product daily. Now I only use shampoo/conditioner once a week, all other times its just HOT water. Some people produce more oils faster may need more washings, but the idea it to get that natural oil worked into your hair. It is not as gross as it sounds tho, my hair is clean and shiny and smells good too. I get lots of complements on my hair. Oh he said DON"T blow dry it. My hair is way different than yours, sadly no curls at all, but I wonder if yours is missing natural oils? Maybe why it frizzes out? There are products that claim to add natural oils and whatnots, maybe look into that? but once you read ingredients and look some of them up you will probably not want it touching your hair, haha.

Again maybe I am just weird...but I think HOT water can work miracles on hair... thats my 2 cents 
(Takes a few washings to get the bad product out and the natural oils flowing)

Our hair type is pretty different so I am not sure anything I could really say would be too good of advice, I mean I even cut my own hair so I am not even familiar with what salons offer. I will say that I totally get feeling uncomfortable around someone who is wearing a bad wig. There is nothing wrong with a wig but, I find it very appealing when someone is rocking their own hair regardless of the type. In any case I think your look is very pretty.

Thanks for the thoughts so far...thought I'd get back to you all now, in the intrest of avoiding my work a few moments more.  Long hair would be nice.  If I don't like it, I can always go back, but I'd like to experience it at least once in my life. 

Barbie hon-do I look old enough/like I'm losing on my hair/not on hormones to need hair loss treatments!?  Oh dear me, that's not good, is it?

Oracle, do you have hair with a texture like this?  If so, I'd love to know exactly how it behaves, and how long it took you to get past that scary phase.  One thing that scares me is that even once it gets long, it still won't look right.  I had this girlfriend who was biracial, and had hair a bit like mine-she grew it long and let it loose, it was really hideous.  Wigs-yeah, I should consider that.  It's a lot of money.  A LOT of money by my standards though-how much was it for you?  And the other odd thing-It's not like I'll be starting over in a new town, so everyone around me will know I'm wearing a wig.

Jade-it might work for you, but without product and conditioner my hair literally turns to fluff, as it air-dries.  Trust me-it's not pretty.

Hikari-thank you, as always.  Your hair is pretty amazing (as I'm sure you know) and it flatters me that you think the same.  If I keep it nice and neat, it's not a huge problem-but I've been getting gendered male a lot (relatively speaking) lately, and the hair might fix some of that.  I don't know if people are deliberately trying to hurt me, or if for some reason my face is masculinizing again, or I just look crappy without makeup, but it's getting to me...

Hey sorry for the late reply!

Yeah my hair type is like yours its a mix of the 3s (3a,3b,3c) I have to make a photobucket account and I'll show you but its mainly like this

It took about 2 years or so to get past the awkward stage, I started shampooing my hair only about twice a month and conditioning the ends as needed. With my dryness it's a constant battle to keep my hair properly hydrated but I've gotten used to it. I have it tamed finally but if I don't stay consistent about detangling it, my hair growth slows down a bunch. So I brush it out everyday starting at the bottom and working my way up, using a paddle brush that has lil dots at the end of the padddle lines if that makes sense lol. Also as I detangle I use a lil bit of leave in conditioner. Any youtube tutorial on our kind of hair will work when it comes to the detangling technique.

Another thing is that for every full condition or shampoo day, I leave my hair in a sock bun over night so the curls and ends stay hydrated even better and less frizz too when I wake up. You can also try switching your pillow cases to satin or buy a satin hair cap to keep frizz at a min while you sleep. 

So yeah basically by doing all of this it stays mega soft and the products I use are the shea moisturizer (curl style & milk), wen teatree, kinky curly conditioner and shampoo

And I also flat iron my hair about twice a month too just so I can manage it much easier. I put in my almond and argon oil in it for the weeks I don't wash and use a wide tooth comb to detangle it when its straight.

The wig was about 60-70 I think, not sure since that was a long time ago and I remember getting a few discounts on it.

Another note tho like you mentioned your friend who was biracial, well if that was the case and it looked terrible then she probably let it tangle up for a few days and didn't hydrate it. Mine will still poof up big time if I let a day go by without doing my routines. So now when mine poofs up its huge, I look like I have a lion's mane lololol. If you take care of your hair it wont do that and will look beautiful.

Yeah, sounds about right to me-I'll certainly consider it, it seems like a sound way to go about things.  I don't know though, I'm still sort of back and forth, growing it out DOES seem like a huge commitment.  Those sound like some fairly sound tips.  When I'm caring for it properly, it looks a million times better though.  Actually, I have one taken in the same lighting...



Amazing what some coconut oil and makeup will do.

Let me just say I love the pink. Honestly? I love the left side. The right though is a little short. Looks kind of like a growing out undercut or sidecut. I don't know how your hair is cut but maybe part it in the middle to make it more symmetrical? Or maybe let it grow to shoulder length?

Like Lady_Oracle my awkward stage lasted it seemed forever, about a year and a half. In the picture she posted my curls toward the ends are like hers near the top and near the top of my head is more wavy than curly. I could probably blow dry it and get the same look but I am kind of leery adding too much heat.

Advice from me. Let it grow out. I love your hair texture and will almost bet if you let it grow past your shoulders, which will take a while with curly hair, it won't be so much different than the picture that Lady_Oracle posted. It is so worth it though. Do you know how many girls and women would kill for curly hair? It's a lot. Most tell me They would trade their hair for mine. Cool for me 'cause I would love to have straight hair. But then I think Nah. Then no one would be jealous of my hair. But no matter what I can't get the straight sleek look. I don't even try anymore. But no matter what the ultimate femme style seems to be curly. Go with it and let it grow. Once it gets length you will love it and everyone else too.

Quote from: Jess42 on October 27, 2014, 05:51:34 PM
Let me just say I love the pink. Honestly? I love the left side. The right though is a little short. Looks kind of like a growing out undercut or sidecut. I don't know how your hair is cut but maybe part it in the middle to make it more symmetrical? Or maybe let it grow to shoulder length?

Like Lady_Oracle my awkward stage lasted it seemed forever, about a year and a half. In the picture she posted my curls toward the ends are like hers near the top and near the top of my head is more wavy than curly. I could probably blow dry it and get the same look but I am kind of leery adding too much heat.

Advice from me. Let it grow out. I love your hair texture and will almost bet if you let it grow past your shoulders, which will take a while with curly hair, it won't be so much different than the picture that Lady_Oracle posted. It is so worth it though. Do you know how many girls and women would kill for curly hair? It's a lot. Most tell me They would trade their hair for mine. Cool for me 'cause I would love to have straight hair. But then I think Nah. Then no one would be jealous of my hair. But no matter what I can't get the straight sleek look. I don't even try anymore. But no matter what the ultimate femme style seems to be curly. Go with it and let it grow. Once it gets length you will love it and everyone else too.

everything Jess said! Its why I only flat iron a few times a month, I love the waves I have after a week cause my hairs become like type 2 curly hair. I'd wear mine in its natural state more if I could but it gets in the way and tangles fast so I ending up having to use more product, which gets annoying after awhile.

Jess you could try using a diffuser attachment for the blow dryer, if you're ever curious about blow drying it. I've never used one but it's for curly hair. I usually just let mine air dry.

http://www.hairromance.com/2013/05/what-is-a-diffuser-and-how-do-you-use-it.html

Quote from: Lady_Oracle on October 27, 2014, 06:30:58 PM
everything Jess said! Its why I only flat iron a few times a month, I love the waves I have after a week cause my hairs become like type 2 curly hair. I'd wear mine in its natural state more if I could but it gets in the way and tangles fast so I ending up having to use more product, which gets annoying after awhile.

Jess you could try using a diffuser attachment for the blow dryer, if you're ever curious about blow drying it. I've never used one but it's for curly hair. I usually just let mine air dry.

http://www.hairromance.com/2013/05/what-is-a-diffuser-and-how-do-you-use-it.html

Thanks but I get compliments from women even. I have tried blow drying it with a diffuser and all it does is makes it more... I am gonna' have to say unruly and more prone to fly aways. All I do is wash it, condition it, use Frizz Ease, Argon oil or another anti frizz product and the strongest LA Looks Gel shake my head and fixit with my hands and let it dry naturally. When the gel hardens then I run my fingers through it so it don't look so stiff. I do wash it everyday though because if not it get too oily. But I let it air dry with all the crap in it and it is an unruly manageable mess that most people thinks looks good. The only downside is I sometime have to do all this two hours early when it is humid. But I won't complain though. Last week I had a woman ask me how I get my hair to do like it does and who the stylist was that I used. She was kind of shocked that it is just all natural.

I kinda love now your hair looks.  Without makeup I see you as a bit on the feminine side of neutral.  With makeup I couldn't picture you getting gendered as male at all.

Oh gosh, while I am not exactly completely bald, my hair is pretty thin on top, and I am snow white, not just gray. I get my haircuts in male mode, and I am never so depressed as when the hair cutter turns the chair so I can see myself in the mirror.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on October 27, 2014, 05:50:58 PM


Amazing what some coconut oil and makeup will do.

Hot dang, you look great!

I love it! Really complements your face perfectly- especially at that angle! Cheekbones to die for

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on October 27, 2014, 05:50:58 PM
Yeah, sounds about right to me-I'll certainly consider it, it seems like a sound way to go about things.  I don't know though, I'm still sort of back and forth, growing it out DOES seem like a huge commitment.  Those sound like some fairly sound tips.  When I'm caring for it properly, it looks a million times better though.  Actually, I have one taken in the same lighting...



Amazing what some coconut oil and makeup will do.

Would you call that purple? I like purple; I am a Viking fan. In the 21st century I believe it is ok for girls to say that they like professional football.

For what it's worth I think you look pretty fem without make up, you look hella cute with and without.