Quote from: bv5913 on October 21, 2014, 11:06:25 AM
Today she told me she was working this evening, and an hour later i rang her job, to ask her something about the kids and they told me she was not working this evening. Guess she is out on a date.

Now that deceit has entered the picture it's probably best to very quickly put as much distance between you and her as possible for your own safety and well being; a line has been crossed and trust has been destroyed. And since she has made the decision to openly date men right under your nose that shows a lack of decency and a lack of respect toward you because you are still married to her. I can think of several reasons she did this and not a single one of them is good.

All in all, a bad turn of events that I think warrants immediate and swift action from you. Have you contacted a divorce lawyer yet? I would work to terminate relations with her as quickly as possible and move forward with your own life.

Thankfully divorce is simple here. Go online, apply and wait for the paperwork. If we both agree, then it will be finished at the latest december.
I will have contact with the bank to arrange buying her part of the house.
I am keeping it civil and calm so not to encourage her to do More worst things.
If things do get worst, then i will have contact with a laywer.

Hey BV,

My goodness you are decisive and taking impressively profound steps in your transition.+1  So far I am still married and working through issues with my family and I admire your concern and caring for your children.  I also admire your love for your wife as demonstrated IMO by your real hope that she does what makes her happy even if that means she is with someone else.  Good for you!... and what a leadership exercise to be so honest and vulnerable in your work/union role.  You rock!

Hello BV

I remember your thread talking about planning to come out, and I've read all what you are now saying in this thread.  Firstly, I think you have been extremely brave, and, yes, dealing with the events in your personal life is not easy. 

If I may, allow me to suggest that you let your wife lead any divorce process, since there may be a chance that your marriage may not be lost.  As you explain it, her virtually immediate rush to begin dating appears to be a visceral reaction and a need to reassert her femininity and attractiveness as a woman.  This is understandable to some extent, but perhaps she will realise that Mr Right number 2 is not so easy to find, and that tearing down your marriage is not going to solve any problems for her, quite the opposite in fact.

You have probably already come to this reasoning yourself...

Regards
Julia   

There's something to be said for ripping the band aid off.  You know better than we do how this is likely to play out, so rather than go through the BS song and dance routine of pretending to save a marriage, if it's guaranteed to implode then by all means be the catalyst.  Bold moves - far more courageous than me - but if it's the natural progression, then so be it.