Hai there everyone,
I am well, obviously new. Otherwise I wouldn't be here I guess.
Reasons for joining? Mainly to get some answers about myself like most people here and clear up confusion. And... to have some fun along the way if possible
So I'm Luna ^^ , a 18 year old mtf transsexual, or so I think? (Star isn't my real family name but it's often used as nickname for me, Luna is the name I wish to use for myself.)
Living atm in Belgium, with my parents still. My hobbies? I like to draw digitally, make poetry from time to time and game every now and then.
For my story:
Unlike many others I didn't knew about myself that I was a girl when I was young but only realised later.
As a child I would always look at myself in the mirror and wonder what it would be like to be a girl.
It was only when I was 16 that I begun to have dreams of being a girl, they would make me really happy and it confused me a lot.
And it didnt take long that those happy dreams made me depressed. I didn't want to wake up anymore, the real world sucked so badly, in short it really put me down. for 1,5 years I have been thinking nonstop. About how life would be as a girl but then in real life, not just in my dreams.
putting on some makeup made me feel happy and sometimes I could see a girl in me... which naturally made me very happy.
And most times I didn't see a girl...
What confused me for a long time was that I never "felt much like a girl"
Nor did I have time to think about that as a child, due all the constant bullying I've been through
and unlike many, I don't "hate" my male body, I hate it for not allowing me to look like a girl and behave like one but I don't hate it for being there on it's own.
Those were the things that made me doubt myself for a long time.
After a year I told my parents and my brother about my feelings, although they aren't against it and try to be supportive...
They aren't really helping... especially my mother who can't believe the fact that this is how I feel.
And tries to prove me wrong by saying things like "You never walked like a girl" or "As a child you never told me about this, and many transsexuals do feel like the opposite sex when they are young" and much much more. It hurt me very badly the same is true about me being bisexual. -sighs-
My brother, was shocked and seems to ignore it mostly. My father who I don't have a strong bond with reacted the best by saying "It doesn't matter to me if you are my son or my daughter as long as you are my child that's what matters.". Which was really nice
I will be seeing a therapist in March tho and thinking about wanting a hormone treatment, mentally I am stable nowadays because I kinda made my mind finally.
Nor do I want to wait too long with this, as this all feels like a timebomb. I know I have to think and I honestly did. But the longer I wait, the harder the treatment will be on me, now I am still relatively "young" and got a fair chance of looking nice in the future (not saying that any of you girls or guys which transitioned at a later age look bad, not at all. It's just a fact the sooner you start the better results you'll get.). And it is financially better for me, I know it sounds selfish but now my parents can pay a part of it all. Transitioning is expensive, and I won't be likely to pay all those costs when I just got work (and it would be nice to come out of college or university looking like a normal girl, instead of transitioning at work and possibly losing my job in the process.)
So in short what I came up with is, "It's not because that I might be able to survive being male now (as in not being suicidal) that I will be able to at some point in my life... I just want to be happy and be able to look at myself in the mirror and be confident."
So ya... that was kinda long... sorry about that
This was Luna over and out!
