Hi everyone,

I recently decided to be honest (mostly after a few talks with a therapist) with myself and understand that in order to be happy I need to understand that Im really a girl inside. How or what made me think this way? I do not know however I feel it is what makes me happy. But Im really really really so insanely scared to go through with it. At this point I have decided to start growing out my hair and Im looking into hormones.

But I cannot go on a heavy daily regimen. I was wondering if anyone out there knew if there was a way to do hormone therapy so that neither the male or female hormones do anything and just be neutral. Im 20 yrs old, and I know if i dont decide soon on this it will be harder for me in the future. i would not mind becoming feminine, like my curves or skin, but I am not ready to start growing breasts just yet. Please help me, i will take any support possible!!

Thanks girls or boys.   

Quote from: shy_lory on October 12, 2007, 02:49:11 AM
Hi everyone,

I recently decided to be honest (mostly after a few talks with a therapist) with myself and understand that in order to be happy I need to understand that Im really a girl inside. How or what made me think this way? I do not know however I feel it is what makes me happy. But Im really really really so insanely scared to go through with it. At this point I have decided to start growing out my hair and Im looking into hormones.

But I cannot go on a heavy daily regimen. I was wondering if anyone out there knew if there was a way to do hormone therapy so that neither the male or female hormones do anything and just be neutral. Im 20 yrs old, and I know if i dont decide soon on this it will be harder for me in the future. i would not mind becoming feminine, like my curves or skin, but I am not ready to start growing breasts just yet. Please help me, i will take any support possible!!

Thanks girls or boys.   

I'm like you shy except I'm on estrogen too (19 years old so we share something common).  You could look into just the anti-androgens like Kiera said earlier.  Just make sure this is something your sure you want to do, even if it is anti-androgens.  I'm sure you'll be fine and hopefully make a well decision in regards to your gender someday as well.  Enjoy and hope this helps.

thanks for responding kiera,
umm i really dont know what T-blockers are? can you get them online or do you need to see a doctor?

QuoteBeing only 20 you have plenty of time to decide and the important thing is you be sure of "why" . . .

once again ummm...   
but i have heard that around 25 your body will become more masculine?
Also being sure why is driving me crazy, i just feel it, im always thinking about it, even if im wrong im sure i would have to find out the hard way by trying to go full time for a year. i feel as like i would have a purpose in life as a girl. i want to do so much good start a family all that stuff. as a guy i go through each day by saying im alive and thats it another day.

Quote from: shy_lory on October 12, 2007, 03:37:05 AM
thanks for responding kiera,
umm i really dont know what T-blockers are? can you get them online or do you need to see a doctor?

QuoteBeing only 20 you have plenty of time to decide and the important thing is you be sure of "why" . . .

once again ummm...   
but i have heard that around 25 your body will become more masculine?
Also being sure why is driving me crazy, i just feel it, im always thinking about it, even if im wrong im sure i would have to find out the hard way by trying to go full time for a year. i feel as like i would have a purpose in life as a girl. i want to do so much good start a family all that stuff. as a guy i go through each day by saying im alive and thats it another day.

Have you seen a therapist yet?  Normally that's the start of it, then they help you figure everything out for the most part, then eventually they'll let you make the choice of how you want to live your life if your "stable enough." 

You'll need to see a doctor for the T-blockers, but I think they should be easy to get through a doctor, because your not actually changing your body yet.  Once estrogen comes in play, then it gets a lot more complicated.  Need the okay from your therapist, then need to get tested to make sure everything is okay to start. 

(I'm not certain on the process for just anti-androgens though)

Sorry for the very very very short breif explanation

Quote
I'm like you shy except I'm on estrogen too (19 years old so we share something common).  You could look into just the anti-androgens like Kiera said earlier.  Just make sure this is something your sure you want to do, even if it is anti-androgens.  I'm sure you'll be fine and hopefully make a well decision in regards to your gender someday as well.  Enjoy and hope this helps.

Somehow ur post showed up after I put a reply to kiera, strange... anyway   

Thank you. I would really like to talk to you more personally about this. I mean I feel I am sure, I want to try living as a girl, but there is so much stuff I have to change in my life. So many issues with even coming out to my parents family etc.., I dont have kids or any serious relationships but my parents are definitely the biggest issue in my head right now.

Anyway how can you be truly sure anyway? How did you feel when you made the decision to start estrogen. Im more interested in how you are getting estrogen though? Are you getting this from a doctor? how do you go about paying for this stuff it is very expensive!


Posted on: October 12, 2007, 03:49:07 AM

---

Quote
Have you seen a therapist yet?  Normally that's the start of it, then they help you figure everything out for the most part, then eventually they'll let you make the choice of how you want to live your life if your "stable enough." 

You'll need to see a doctor for the T-blockers, but I think they should be easy to get through a doctor, because your not actually changing your body yet.  Once estrogen comes in play, then it gets a lot more complicated.  Need the okay from your therapist, then need to get tested to make sure everything is okay to start. 

(I'm not certain on the process for just anti-androgens though)

Sorry for the very very very short breif explanation

I have talked a little with a therapist online. Not in person, its basically the same except its cheaper, more discrete, and through email.  After two emails my therapists has made me feel like its up to me, she says I really understand my feelings however, its the insecurities involved in the transformation process that scare me.

I dont know what the first step would be to see a doctor though. I mean what kind of doctor do I go to see? What do I need to tell him/her, and oh god how can i afford it!   

at this point i totally believe you. since i was little i though about being in a girls body and then after some time i decided it would be best to hide these emotions, though that never really worked, so i kept going into self denial until three months ago i was avoiding thinking about this. two months ago i started thinking about this again. one month ago i decided to meet more people and discuss my feelings. now even though im confused and scared about this all... i have started looking into possible hormone therapy, i already started growing out my hair, buying girl clothes, and started defoliating  if time does not tell then something is telling? 

Quote from: shy_lory on October 12, 2007, 03:58:00 AM
I have talked a little with a therapist online. Not in person, its basically the same except its cheaper, more discrete, and through email.  After two emails my therapists has made me feel like its up to me, she says I really understand my feelings however, its the insecurities involved in the transformation process that scare me.

The Standards of Care (SOC) which doctors and therapists are supposed to follow require three months of therapy before any form of HRT is allowed. And even then, doctors are supposed to require a letter from your therapist stating that you're ready to begin. No online therapists that I know of will write HRT letters though.

QuoteI dont know what the first step would be to see a doctor though. I mean what kind of doctor do I go to see? What do I need to tell him/her, and oh god how can i afford it!   

Most people end up with an endocrinologist, but many ordinary doctors have experience treating TS patients as well. All I did was make a list of dozens of doctors in my area, and started making calls. "Hi, I'm a M2F transsexual wishing to transition. I have an HRT letter from my therapist. Do you have any experience in providing HRT and the necessary tests to monitor my health?" After a dozen or so calls, I found the perfect doctor

Just be upfront and honest. They're professionals, and they've heard it all. I never encountered a single bad reaction, and even the offices who said they couldn't help me were kind and compassionate about it.

~Kate~

Quote from: shy_lory on October 12, 2007, 03:58:00 AM

Quote
I'm like you shy except I'm on estrogen too (19 years old so we share something common).  You could look into just the anti-androgens like Kiera said earlier.  Just make sure this is something your sure you want to do, even if it is anti-androgens.  I'm sure you'll be fine and hopefully make a well decision in regards to your gender someday as well.  Enjoy and hope this helps.

Somehow ur post showed up after I put a reply to kiera, strange... anyway   

Thank you. I would really like to talk to you more personally about this. I mean I feel I am sure, I want to try living as a girl, but there is so much stuff I have to change in my life. So many issues with even coming out to my parents family etc.., I dont have kids or any serious relationships but my parents are definitely the biggest issue in my head right now.

Anyway how can you be truly sure anyway? How did you feel when you made the decision to start estrogen. Im more interested in how you are getting estrogen though? Are you getting this from a doctor? how do you go about paying for this stuff it is very expensive!

Feel free to PM anytime by the way too if you want to.  Also, eventually your probably going to need to see another therapist.  The problem is those dang "specialists" cost a heck of a lot of money (well for a kid that is).  I just did the math (oh my gosh this is horrible) and I've actually spent 3k on my therapist since starting.  My parents helped pay though for some of it though, luckily enough.

Quote from: shanetastic on October 12, 2007, 01:32:44 PM
The problem is those dang "specialists" cost a heck of a lot of money ...

If you're under health insurance, it can often help. My plan basically allows so many visits to a psych for whatever reason per year (though I went with someone not in the network, so I pay anyway).

Meds are tricky. I can get a price break on Spiro I believe, but they won't touch Estrogen since I'm... darn it... "male."

But look into all your memberships too, as many have drug discounts you'd never suspect. AAA for example of all things offers a discount on drugs.

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on October 12, 2007, 01:40:13 PM

Quote from: shanetastic on October 12, 2007, 01:32:44 PM
The problem is those dang "specialists" cost a heck of a lot of money ...

If you're under health insurance, it can often help. My plan basically allows so many visits to a psych for whatever reason per year (though I went with someone not in the network, so I pay anyway).

Meds are tricky. I can get a price break on Spiro I believe, but they won't touch Estrogen since I'm... darn it... "male."

But look into all your memberships too, as many have drug discounts you'd never suspect. AAA for example of all things offers a discount on drugs.

~Kate~

I have health insurance, but our plan is sort of messed up.  We switched it for my father, because he has neuropathy, so he needs a lot more drugs than I do.  So we don't have psych care I don't believe, although I'm not 100% on that.  My parents deal with the health insurance, so I'm left sort of in the dark on that.  Of course, I know nothing about it either way, and I guess that's ignorance for my age.

In Toronto I found a Trans Health Center that offered counciling for free, That's how I got my prescription. And in my case I knew I was Trans all my life but accepted it after I almost died from drug abuse and depression. After accepting this I have never been depressed like I was before, my biggest issue was wanting kids. Trans people can't have their own children and that held me back for years. I came to realize that I would never be a good parent cuz I was so depressed and I would never find a partner cuz I never really looked like a man. I plan on adopting in the future and don't fear relationships anymore, take your time to decide, a therapist can't tell you an answer but they can help you find one.
Hugs

hi everyone thanks for the responses. unfortunately i fall into neither of all the above categories. first of all i cant tell my parents. second im a poor college student. third i dont have health insurance, and last im to busy to go to toronto.

sigh

Ember I sort of feel like you depressed, i have started getting myself into bad habits again. thankfully i havent started the junky drugs yet. but i still have a tendency to abuse. thats why i just want to get on some sort of masculinity blockers. do you know if the trans health center in Toronto can offer me a prescription for T-blockers or whatever they are called?

hope everyone is having fun tonight! 

Do you know you can't tell your parents because you have tried? Or are you just afraid?

absolutely definitely because i am afraid. i have considered becoming more feminine in stages you know. like start growing out my (already doing), starting to act more feminine. i live far away so every time i go visit i can be more feminine. so that they will become suspicious. probably take girl clothes with me and have them find it? i dont know im just scared.

Quote from: shy_lory on October 13, 2007, 02:06:56 AM
absolutely definitely because i am afraid. i have considered becoming more feminine in stages you know. like start growing out my (already doing), starting to act more feminine. i live far away so every time i go visit i can be more feminine. so that they will become suspicious. probably take girl clothes with me and have them find it? i dont know im just scared.

You sound a lot like me
I always was scared to tell people straight out. But the problem was my parents were way too accepting! They just assumed i liked to be feminine and didn't think there was anything wrong with that. So eventually i had to tell them there was more to it.

I take it you don't live with your parents? Apart from waiting for your parents to get it, may i suggest you investigate what gender therapists, or therapists with experience in the field are aviable where you live? Because you will need one for hormones, and possibly for testosterone-blockers too.

Quote from: shy_lory on October 12, 2007, 08:52:43 PM
hi everyone thanks for the responses. unfortunately i fall into neither of all the above categories. first of all i cant tell my parents. second im a poor college student. third i dont have health insurance, and last im to busy to go to toronto.

sigh

Ember I sort of feel like you depressed, i have started getting myself into bad habits again. thankfully i havent started the junky drugs yet. but i still have a tendency to abuse. thats why i just want to get on some sort of masculinity blockers. do you know if the trans health center in Toronto can offer me a prescription for T-blockers or whatever they are called?

hope everyone is having fun tonight! 

You should have seen me when I told my parents.  I was such a coward that I actually ended up writing a letter to them, and that only happened right after my first suicide attempt, because I knew I needed help.

As for your problem of being a "poor college student" (I can relate totally hehe ), if your going to a unviersity, I know you pay for health coverage I think at the university.  I know they have counselors staffed at all time that you can see for free as well.  Maybe you could get lucky and actually find one that knows something (doubful though).  Either way, maybe if you get a job that has health insurance you could get covered for therapy, although that normally requires working full time I think which I know would be out of the question.  (College takes your life from you I know ahhhh hehe)

Anyways, we can all think this through together and find a way!  Don't give up!

Quotemay i suggest you investigate what gender therapists, or therapists with experience in the field are aviable where you live? Because you will need one for hormones, and possibly for testosterone-blockers too.

yes...
everyone has been pushing me so much on this that im going to sacrifice my savings to talk to a therapist. anyway i think that it will end up costing me more in the future if im not able to talk about this now. i seem to become more and more depressed each day.

i appreciate all of your support and i will try to keep posting more info i find on the subject. it would also be nice if anyone else could continue contributing to the post.

bye bye

okay we have esp too shy I swear!!  We posted at like the exact same time

Quote from: shy_lory on October 13, 2007, 02:06:56 AM
absolutely definitely because i am afraid. i have considered becoming more feminine in stages you know. like start growing out my (already doing), starting to act more feminine. i live far away so every time i go visit i can be more feminine. so that they will become suspicious. probably take girl clothes with me and have them find it? i dont know im just scared.

OK SO I REALLY THOUGHT I SHOULD POST THIS!

My parents sort of spent the night at my apartment because they were passing through town from visiting some family and well sort of stayed in my room. In my room, cuz im such a girly girl hehe silly me, i have a secret stash of girl clothes that I sort of tried my best to hide! After they left I noticed that some of the clothes was not how I left it... like someone was looking through my stuff! I think my mom found my girl clothes!! She did not say anything though im scared shes going to tell my dad, but i think i feel happy about it, it could not have happened in a more perfect way! Wow things work out very weird.. I wonder what the next step will be   

Quoteokay we have esp too shy I swear!!  We posted at like the exact same time Cheesy

Sweet!  we should talk through YIM or something?

Quote from: shy_lory on October 12, 2007, 03:37:05 AM
thanks for responding kiera,
umm i really dont know what T-blockers are? can you get them online or do you need to see a doctor?

QuoteBeing only 20 you have plenty of time to decide and the important thing is you be sure of "why" . . .

once again ummm...   
but i have heard that around 25 your body will become more masculine?
Also being sure why is driving me crazy, i just feel it, im always thinking about it, even if im wrong im sure i would have to find out the hard way by trying to go full time for a year. i feel as like i would have a purpose in life as a girl. i want to do so much good start a family all that stuff. as a guy i go through each day by saying im alive and thats it another day.

I know what you mean by JUST getting by. Its like your in constant challenge mode and no reward except thin existence. I'm actually 18.