This is weird, but also makes so much sense: For all my life I never wanted children -- it just felt very wrong, even though I was never able to put a finger on the "why" until recently. It's become clear to me that for the life of me I couldn't imagine being a child's mother. Duh!

Now, when I see transguys who are having a baby, it suddenly feels right. I could totally imagine carrying/having a child if it were clear that I'm the (a) father. Does this sound very crazy? Now, I'll likely never have one because I'm bordering on too old and my husband doesn't want kids (not even sure if he wants me anymore) -- but I'm still glad I figured this out!

How is it for you?

I had the same exact feelings for a long time, I would never wants kids. Then after time I realized it was because I would never want to be a mother, I want to be the father. When I saw ElectricDade's 1 year on T video on YouTube (the one with like the most views of any ftm video) and at the end is the beautiful pictures of him,his wife, and their daughter, it was like the most beautiful thing to me, and I realized I wanted that. I however could never carry a child mentally. The very thought just seems so wrong.

I have carried two children and had an internal struggle with this for a long time. The title "mother" never felt right but it felt weird to be called "father". I know that sounds illogical but even though my pregnancies were mentally and physically uncomfortable, it felt like "father" doesn't convey the amount of work my body did. I have stretch marks galore, my pelvic floor is wrecked, my bladder is trashed, and my abdominal muscles will never be the same. This isn't to say fathers don't sacrifice but there is a unfairness in biology when it comes to having kids.

I'm probably just weird though in that I dislike "mother" but feel "father" doesn't convey the permanent changes I went through to have kids. Either way, I prefer "father" by default.

I mind being called a mother because most people mean it to be female parent and I don't like being called female. But at the same time, if it mean the person who carried and gave birth to the child, I don't mind it. For me, I see my childbearing experience the same as I see Loki's childbearing experiences. If that makes sense.

Thanks for sharing your stories .

We should create a new term: childbearing parent?

I am a father. I didn't carry my daughter but I was her dad throughout pregnancy, in birth, and in her life. She is 6 months old now and is perfect. You don't have to carry a child to be a parent.

I've always wanted kids. I love kids. And I think being a parent is a gift that should be appreciated. My mom is amazing. I've always looked up to her emotionally because she loves me and my brothers unconditionally. She's always been there when I needed her and supported me through my lowest lows. My dad doesn't know how to communicate, but his love for us is conditional as well. Through my moms influence he has always been there to support us in some capacity, and I respect him for how hard he works for the life he has tried to build for his family. I've always had this pull to being the primary "at-home" parent. But being a mother was always such an awkward concept for me to grasp. Then I realized I'm trans* and now this make much more sense to me. I want a wife and kids, but I would like to be home more often. I want to help my kids get ready for school and drop them off, I want to volunteer as a coach for their sports teams, I want to help them with their homework. I'm hoping to find a job path that allows me that freedom, and find a bad-ass power-suit wearing lady love to build that life with

I think the folks over at First Time Second Time already use that term bc they're a now-trans ex-lesbian couple, and though the father bore one he does consider himself a father figure. It's a pretty good site

I've always wanted kids but even before I had a clue to gender issues I didn't like the idea of carrying a child (to the point of asking a very close friend if she would surrogate for me). I mean I know it's supposed to be magical and incredibly bonding but I still don't know if I can handle it mentally...

Quote from: goodmorningmr on November 19, 2014, 02:04:33 PM
I am a father. I didn't carry my daughter but I was her dad throughout pregnancy, in birth, and in her life. She is 6 months old now and is perfect. You don't have to carry a child to be a parent.

No one said or implied otherwise. Heck, one doesn't have to be genetically linked to be a parent.
From my own experiences though, my son has two fathers. Most people insist on calling me his mother. I have no idea what to call myself because calling us both "dad" would be confusing.

Quote from: Polo on November 19, 2014, 02:42:21 PM
I think the folks over at First Time Second Time already use that term bc they're a now-trans ex-lesbian couple, and though the father bore one he does consider himself a father figure. It's a pretty good site

I've always wanted kids but even before I had a clue to gender issues I didn't like the idea of carrying a child (to the point of asking a very close friend if she would surrogate for me). I mean I know it's supposed to be magical and incredibly bonding but I still don't know if I can handle it mentally...

I LOVE their blog. Reading Ezekiel's story was a great catalyst for me in the process of acknowledging I'm trans.

personally, i adore children! any child just lights up my day:D

for me i dont think i could manage bearing a child. i used to love the idea, but now i would rather my partner be the one to be pregnant it just dosnt feel right to me for me t bear a child.