Today I woke up feeling amazing.
My deposit was in the hands on Bowers and I was so very sure I would hear back from the office today to set a date. Wow...who would have thought one extra day with no contact could be so trying.
I spent all day staring at my phone, "Why aren't you ringing?" I would ask the darn thing in silence with an evil glare.
It began to wear on me. I got emotional. Then, I started thinking about how much the ability to worry about a date rather than if I could really meant, and some poignant conversations I had read here as well as some things I had recently been drawn to.
I thought about my lifelong plans for stealth, and how I had sort of distanced myself from the community in my life because of it, how because of that I had never experienced a Gender Conference or anything of the sort.
Then I thought about school and how I kept being drawn to psychological work. How psychology and therapy actually appeal to me as a potential to be a later in life profession for me. But how I had always felt initially drawn towards transpersonal studies. Then I realized that I was thinking in boxes. Who said I could not study enough of both to do Therapy at a Masters level or PsyD level depending on how and where I went for Post Grad. And if I cannot do both who says I will not find the path that fits me if I just have the courage to walk it....
This prompted me to start getting rather emotional about how I actually feel like I NEED to do some good for the future of people who will be in my place. Something that has been building in me as I have been vocally protesting ever really getting involved. As I was vocally fighting myself, I was at the same time drawn to people's stories such as Chaz Bono's documentary film and the story of the Steampunk musician Bunny Bennet, formerly Rabbit Bennet of Steampunk Giraffe and how inspirational they felt to me, how their courage and being there for others filled my eyes with tears.
And I realized I could not ignore that voice any longer. I could not deny I want to help.
Not sure how in the end I will become involved, but I will. I am headed back to my college to register for classes tomorrow.
And yet I am still vexed and emotional over the lack of any contact from Dr Bowers office. Which was compounded when I checked tracking to see that it was signed for by M Bowers. Ack....
Kami.
