For Thanksgiving my mom wants me to "pretty myself up". She wants me to wear a skirt, makeup, everything! But that's not who I am anymore! I don't like putting on makeup and "looking pretty".

And to make it worse, my dad backed her up on it. They both know I'm transitioning so why make me be someone I'm not? I mean, sure it'sonly for one day but it's upsetting that they won't let me be myself

(You'll have to forgive me, I don't remember how old you are or what your life circumstances are - feel free to enlighten me.)

Option A: If your parents still take care of your expenses in any way that you could not afford to potentially take care of yourself, don't rock the boat. It's only for a few hours out of one day a year. Sure, it's bull->-bleeped-<- and it's ignorant on their part and uncomfortable for you. But I'd much rather put on a skirt and still have a roof over my head than not if it came down to it.

Option B: If you're independent or could afford to do without their assistance, dress how you like. What are they going to do, make you change? Change you themselves?

Ultimately it sounds like you need to have a firm conversation with them and reiterate that this isn't a phase you're going through and that changing the clothes you're in won't make you suddenly stop wanting to transition. Get real with them.

If it were me, I'd probably make swiftly certain that I don't have any female clothes of any sort to wear. What a shame it would be if suddenly all your girl clothes were donated to a nice charity right before the holidays 

I'm sorry I assumed things wrong.

Wear pants under the skirt to make your point at least.

I think Max has the right idea, it all depends on your situation.
If you have your own income and ability to buy your own clothes, they can't force you to dress any way.
But if you're dependent on them it might benefit you to simply put on a brave face for a day.

Try and sit them down and have a deep talk about this, it sounds like they don't understand you at all. Let them know how uncomfortable the idea of dressing up make you.

I think a great idea is for you to gather some stuff about FTMs, how they feel and why they are what they are, sit down with your family and explain to them how this would make you feel. Make your point, be clear, don't just give up on it and throw a skirt on.. If you do have to go through it it'll probably be your last time, since your parents will see it doesn't fit and they'll see how you feel being put in a girly situation when you're a dude.
Hope everything goes well 

Quote from: Headsupbuddy on November 22, 2014, 07:15:30 PM
Try and sit them down and have a deep talk about this, it sounds like they don't understand you at all. Let them know how uncomfortable the idea of dressing up make you.

Sorry for poking my nose in here, but I would definitely second this, no matter what you do on the day.

It's tough, because if you feel like you have to do what they say because you're reliant on them, then... well, where does it stop, you know? What happens if they say they want you to do the whole fake girl act for Christmas? New Years? The first weekend in January when someone's coming round and you have to look 'just so'?

If they know you're transitioning, then... it's not fair to make you dress and act as someone they know you're not and don't want to be. It sounds like they're doing it for you to present an image to people of someone they want you to be. And I can't help feeling like if you do it, even just for one day, you're sending a message to them that it's okay for them to ask you to pretend to be female whenever it suits them. It isn't okay. They both know it's not who you are.

Ultimately, you know your circumstances, and the consequences of the call you make, sweetie. But what I would say is that if they already know you want to be yourself, and are taking steps to do that... well, you should be assertive in that. And let them know what your boundaries are and what you are, and aren't, prepared to do. People can only walk all over you if you allow them to. And it might not be in your best interests to set a precedent that leads to them being able to say things like "well you did it for Thanksgiving, what's the big deal?"

Quote from: BlaineGame on November 22, 2014, 06:01:01 PM
For Thanksgiving my mom wants me to "pretty myself up". She wants me to wear a skirt, makeup, everything! But that's not who I am anymore! I don't like putting on makeup and "looking pretty".

And to make it worse, my dad backed her up on it. They both know I'm transitioning so why make me be someone I'm not? I mean, sure it'sonly for one day but it's upsetting that they won't let me be myself

People who are under 18 years old are now allowed to say their ages on here.  Are you still in high school?  When I was still in high school if my parents said I had to do something, there wasn't really a choice to make.  All you can do is ask them to please not force it on you.  I wonder if it is because they know they are losing their "daughter" and want to see "her" one last time.

I personally would consider tossing all of the girl clothes after I got through the event they expect me to wear a dress for.  For all you know, they will want you to dress up in girl's clothes at Christmas, too.

Your profile (and another post) reads that you are 21.  As a 21 year old, I don't feel that your parents shouldn't force you do to anything, which brings me to another point: are they forcing you to dress up, or do they just want you to?  If it is the latter, then I would try to talk with your parents and explain to them how this will make you feel (invalidated).  If is the former, then  maybe you can compromise to wear gender neutral clothes?  Since it is Thanksgiving, maybe you can eat at a friend or another family member's house if you don't want to put up with it.  If not, then maybe you can volunteer to help feed the homeless for that day.  You would be doing a great cause as well as being able to get out the house.

Even as a teenager they couldn't force me to do stuff like that. If I didn't get my way I refused to come to the table.

You all make very good points. I am 21 and I feel it's demeaning to dress as a female, even if it's just for a few hours. And most of you make a valid point; if I do dress up this once, they might want me to do it again. I will have a long talk with them later today.

They would never kick me out. They would probably threaten it, but they would never follow through. They love me too much to put me on the streets. I know this for a fact.

So, I will gather them in the living room later today and talk to them. Thank you for all the advice and support

I think I remember you mentioning somewhere that your parents were supportive of you transitioning but taking it hard? If that's the case then maybe they're asking you to dress up as a girl as sort of a "be our little girl this one last time" type of thing. Since they're taking it pretty hard they may want to give themselves peace of mind just for the holiday by asking you to dress femininely so they can forget about you wanting to transition for a while and not have to be sad or stressed about it. Either that or they're testing you to see how committed you are to the idea of transitioning.

Oops, I just saw your last post about talking with them. Good luck, I hope it goes well!

Good luck -- I hope it goes well. Having my fingers crossed!

Thank you all. I might make a compromise with them, say I'll dress as a girl one last time and they can pick which holiday they want me to dress up.

I'd not dress as a female for anyone, regardless of the occasion.  The closest I came was for a job interview where I couldn't afford to buy a new suit.  Even then I just wore a male shirt, jumper and only the cut of the suit was feminine.

Quote from: Alexthecat on November 23, 2014, 01:46:03 AM
Even as a teenager they couldn't force me to do stuff like that. If I didn't get my way I refused to come to the table.

I suppose we all have different relationships with our guardians.  I said in my post that being under 18 I would have had to go along with it, but at the same time, my parents weren't the type to demand something like that.  Meaning, they wouldn't "demand" anything that they could see caused me significant distress.  I was fortunate that way.

(of course, when I come out to my mother very soon...maybe even today depending on what she is up to, she will have no problem causing me great distress!  lol)

Quote from: Brett on November 23, 2014, 08:34:17 AM
(of course, when I come out to my mother very soon...maybe even today depending on what she is up to, she will have no problem causing me great distress!  lol)

I wish you loads of luck if you do it today! Make sure to tell us how it goes if you want

You could always get rid of the dresses before holidays. Then you have to wear male clothes.

Probably too late to reply in any useful way here, but I second Contravene. If it's hard for them, it might not be such a bad idea to go along with what they're asking, or at least find a compromise. Since they know you're transitioning and haven't taken it very badly, they almost certainly know that at some point you wouldn't pass as a girl very well even if you dressed up, and hence they know that they can't keep asking this of you. I think giving them the time to process all of what's going on is important. I don't imagine it's any easier on your parents than it is on you.

On the other hand, I also completely understand how difficult this is for you. Not yet transitioning myself, but a couple of weeks ago I had to go to a dear friend's engagement party. All-girls event, had to wear make up, a dress, heels, do my hair, all of that. And I must say that was the most awkward, uncomfortable thing ever. I was completely stressed out for the whole day leading up to the event, but I went to make my friend happy (that group of my friends aren't aware of what I'm currently going through so it wouldn't have made sense for me to excuse myself without going into a long explication of why I can't be there). Not fun, but sometimes necessary. But then again, you're out to your parents; though are you out to everyone else that's going to be there? Maybe they're not ready for everyone else to know too? Find out why they want you to dress up, their reason might be reasonable?

Oh, and I have two upcoming weddings I absolutely have to be at. As a dressed up girl. Fun.

But really, if your parents are supportive and are just having a hard time, I don't think you should push it with them.

Quote from: darkblade on November 23, 2014, 11:16:48 AM
Probably too late to reply in any useful way here, but I second Contravene. If it's hard for them, it might not be such a bad idea to go along with what they're asking, or at least find a compromise. Since they know you're transitioning and haven't taken it very badly, they almost certainly know that at some point you wouldn't pass as a girl very well even if you dressed up, and hence they know that they can't keep asking this of you. I think giving them the time to process all of what's going on is important. I don't imagine it's any easier on your parents than it is on you.

On the other hand, I also completely understand how difficult this is for you. Not yet transitioning myself, but a couple of weeks ago I had to go to a dear friend's engagement party. All-girls event, had to wear make up, a dress, heels, do my hair, all of that. And I must say that was the most awkward, uncomfortable thing ever. I was completely stressed out for the whole day leading up to the event, but I went to make my friend happy (that group of my friends aren't aware of what I'm currently going through so it wouldn't have made sense for me to excuse myself without going into a long explication of why I can't be there). Not fun, but sometimes necessary. But then again, you're out to your parents; though are you out to everyone else that's going to be there? Maybe they're not ready for everyone else to know too? Find out why they want you to dress up, their reason might be reasonable?

Oh, and I have two upcoming weddings I absolutely have to be at. As a dressed up girl. Fun.

But really, if your parents are supportive and are just having a hard time, I don't think you should push it with them.

You've got a point...I was already thinking of making a compromise with them lol