Just completed a session with my counselor and we were discussing preparations to start transition with HRT.

Can anyone share with me how you prepared for transition concerning family, work, friends and other things that I might not be thinking about at this time? This would help me out a lot and any comments would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.

Thank you.

Davida (I've always thought that was beautiful name, by the way!)

I know for me, my biggest focus, was making sure I was ready.
I don't mean that at all in the "am I sure I want to do this" way. I've known that from the time I was just a kid, for me, it was the start of being the person who I really was, and the end of the pretending, so it was very important to me to make sure that I really made sure that I was fully embracing myself and not hiding or closing off any part of me. I think when you live you life pushing something so large down, it really becomes an easy mechanism to fall back on to shove things down and hide them away. So, I really made sure I took that box when I'd been shoving and hiding things, flipped it over and really shook it and made sure everything was out of there!

The other way I prepared myself, which has been my guiding star, is to really develop a really positive, patient, graceful outlook on my transition. That I focus on working hard on the things I have control over, and am calm and patient about the things I can't. This seems obvious, but it think it really took me 5-6 months of really hard work to honest get settled in that mindset, and it has just made all the difference for me to this point, because, I'm not saying anything new when I say, it's a really slow process.

After that, I focused on finding a core support group. I wanted to start by coming out to one friend, one family member, and one person at work, so I could be open and have that support in all parts of my life. I picked the people that I thought would be the most receptive and open to it to start, and was lucky enough to have picked well, that they were all tremendously supportive... We'll my friend, and boss... My mother is still struggling a bit with it, but that's all part of the process.

From there, I found the second you can start talking to a few different people about it, and answering questions, and such, the easier it gets, and the more comfortable and confident you become, and it starts getting easier and easier to opening up that support circle to more and more people as you're ready to and time goes on, but being able to start from that core group was so helpful.

Other than that, think about some practical things than you can do to help move your transition ahead: hair removal, voice training, name changing, etc. I made myself a little list, and it was really useful to have anytime I thought that things were stalling out waiting for referrals or appointments or the like, to be able to go back to and have something to do to regain that sense of moving forward.

I hope some of that helps!

Giselle Marie

For certain reasons I chose not to tell most people until I had been on HRT for several months and was close to going full time, the primary reason was that I didn't want a grey zone where they knew about my trans status but I was still effectively presenting as male, it can be confusing for people of you say you identify as one gender but still present as the other. I only told them when I was pretty darn sure the next time I was going to see them I would be in girl mode. It actually got pretty difficult towards the end - not only was I dying to tell everyone but my boobs seemed mega obvious (to me anyway). That might be a bit more complicated if you have a wife and children - they probably need to know sooner rather than later.

I wasn't close to my family, and my friends always knew I was going to transition at some point. So when I decided to let everyone know I was going to make the leap. I just sent them all a blunt text message letting them now what I was up to and if they didn't like it to get bent.

I am preparing for HRT. I pretty much have a death sentence for cardiovascular disease - high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol. I also have uric acid issues and gout.

I take blood pressure meds, statin (lipitor) and allopurinol for the UA.

Here is what I am doing.

Diet and exercise.  I am doing a religious hour a day exercise. Not screwing with that at all. Diabetes must be under control as I want to do Yeson VFS next year. I might ask for a script for metformin anyway as insurance, my old GP wanted to put me on it anyway. It would also help with fat redistribution which is good.

Weight loss. Trying to get my BMI below 25. Very close to it. Losing 2lb/week and I have about 12 lb to go. So in 6 weeks I will not be overweight for the first time since I was 17!!! I am very excited.

Researching how to pay for visits/medication. Fortunately insurance covers. Unfortunately when my wife divorces me I will lose her cadillac plan and I'll have to go with my job's plan which isn't so good.

I started beard removal ASAP. And am I ever thankful!

Work - I talked to HR. They are cool with it.
Wife - came out to wife. She's not so cool with it.
Not out to friends or parents but that's going to happen pretty soon.
Voice - I have a therapist I'm starting with soon.

Giselle

I have been in counseling for six months with the same counselor and I have pretty much pied my box and my counselor is happy with the accomishments and progress that I have made in dealing with those contents. She told me today that I am in a much more stable place than I was when we first met, as I am now able to set my own boundaries and control how I will allow other people and their opions and beliefs affect me.

Me. Grace

This is what I am thinking is going to work best for me, but I have a wife and kids that I feel should be aware of what I am planning as it will affect all of them almost as much as it will me, and I do not want to just be le " Here I am like it or not" to my family. My wife knows that I am contemplating HRT, as do my two daughters( daughters are very supportive, wife on the other hand is furious, her life will have to change) and I have two sons, one is aware that something is different but will not admin that he know anything, and the other does not live with me so I am not sure what he knows. I have given him the opportunity  to talk and he acts as though he does not care about what is going on in my house.

Teela

I have a lot of people that will fall into this catagory.

ImagineKate

I have lost about 50 pounds this year and still have several to go. I am in a litter better health. It by no means am I healthy or a spring chicken. I just know that I am not going to be able to keep living as I am for much longer as I will end up in the mental ward if I do nothin for much longer.


Thanks to all for the replies, all good Tatics and I am sure I will use some if not all of them.

Quote from: Ms Grace on November 24, 2014, 12:26:01 PM
For certain reasons I chose not to tell most people until I had been on HRT for several months and was close to going full time, the primary reason was that I didn't want a grey zone where they knew about my trans status but I was still effectively presenting as male, <snip>

That's precisely where I'm at. As for preparations, made none so far, just started HRT. When I tell people, if they don't like it, I will be sad to lose friends, but I have to do this for me. The one thing I'm going to make sure of though, is that I will have my own apartment, so I don't have to worry about needing to move.

Davida, I hope you've been talking to your therapist about your wife. There is a real possibility the marriage could end as a result of your desire to transition. I see mine ending, sadly but it's hard to tell since my wife is good one day, angry the next and depressed the next. But who knows. Maybe you will be friends or make something out of it.

Quote from: ImagineKate on November 24, 2014, 03:39:33 PM
Davida, I hope you've been talking to your therapist about your wife. There is a real possibility the marriage could end as a result of your desire to transition. I see mine ending, sadly but it's hard to tell since my wife is good one day, angry the next and depressed the next. But who knows. Maybe you will be friends or make something out of it.

I am sorry to hear about your relationship, but it sound a lot like mine. I see mt therapist every week just to have someone to get the edged up thoughts out of my head that she puts there. I do not believe that she even knows what she is saying when she says things, like I am acting like a psyopath or a two year old that wants something that they can't have. I have had a really bad year with all that we have been through, but I am a stronger person now for it. I really do not see a future for us at all is all I can hope for is that I am wrong.

I started counseling (again) and electro mid-July. By mid-August I informed my therapist I would like to start HRT. I found a PCP who I'd been told had worked with trans clients before and had my first visit with her. I was pretty thrilled when she asked me if I was F2M.

I was her first M2F client so she did some very extensive research on the WPATH standards and brought me in for labs. Once my labs were back we met again and she started me on Spiro, estradiol patches, and dutasteride. The day before I was going to start them I called my mum and we had a long talk. I told her everything about my being intersexed and trans and that I was starting hormones but wouldn't do so without telling her first. We had a long talk that night and she told me she supports and loves me, no matter what. The next morning I took my first pills and put on my first patch. A few weeks later I asked for, and was given, progesterone.

Three months later and things are proceeding well. I've told more people and so far everyone has been supportive. The only person at work that knows is the EEOC officer and I knew I could trust her. Electro continues and I see my therapist once a week.

Quote from: Davida on November 24, 2014, 05:27:02 PM

I am sorry to hear about your relationship, but it sound a lot like mine. I see mt therapist every week just to have someone to get the edged up thoughts out of my head that she puts there. I do not believe that she even knows what she is saying when she says things, like I am acting like a psyopath or a two year old that wants something that they can't have. I have had a really bad year with all that we have been through, but I am a stronger person now for it. I really do not see a future for us at all is all I can hope for is that I am wrong.

The discussions are basically about this:

"Don't you care about us?"

"What about the kids?"

"I'm not a lesbian."

"We have a month before you start to change."

"You look like a total stranger to me."

"Do you want a divorce?"

"Don't you know you're setting a bad example for your son?"

"The kids need a mother AND a father. A and C (her kids outside the marriage) did not have that growing up."

It's the same thing over and over again.

I basically don't argue anymore. I just plain give up at this point. I told her if she wants a divorce I won't stop her and I will sign what she wants just bring the papers and a pen.

Quote from: ImagineKate on November 24, 2014, 08:39:13 PM
The discussions are basically about this:

"Don't you care about us?"

"What about the kids?"

"I'm not a lesbian."

"We have a month before you start to change."

"You look like a total stranger to me."

"Do you want a divorce?"

"Don't you know you're setting a bad example for your son?"

"The kids need a mother AND a father. A and C (her kids outside the marriage) did not have that growing up."

It's the same thing over and over again.

I basically don't argue anymore. I just plain give up at this point. I told her if she wants a divorce I won't stop her and I will sign what she wants just bring the papers and a pen.

OMG!!  Have you been at my house? These are the same things that I hear almost daily. My wife keeps offering to help me do things like hair removal and such, but I have to agree with my therapist and not let her in till she deals with her issues and finds herself and what is going to make her happy. Isn't it amazing how so many people who have never met can think and hear the exact same things?

I hope that all goes as well as it can for you and you wife. Do any of your kids know and if so how are they dealing with it? I have two daughters( ages 15 and 22) and they are my support at this time they take me shopping at the thrift stores and teach me about fashion and buy me clothes only to take them home and hide them in their closet. I was blessed with two of the best daughters on the planet.

The kids don't know that I am trans. They do know daddy wears dresses and feminine clothing. Lately they began to point it out and the girls even compared theirs to mine.

My therapist suggested I read some books and that I explain to them that I am transgender and also what it means in kid friendly terms, such as daddy has always been a girl on the inside and is now going to become one on the outside and it's OK for people to do that.

The books are on her blog.

http://tgmentalhealth.com/category/books/

Quote from: ImagineKate on November 25, 2014, 03:49:34 PM
The books are on her blog.

http://tgmentalhealth.com/category/books/

I read a book called transgender complete by Joanne Borden, got it from Amazonand it was a berry informative book about one persons research on being trans and it is is chock full of knowledge. I would tell everone that I know to please read this book as a learning experience.