Quote from: peky on November 19, 2014, 06:38:34 PM
The data is about being "out" versus "non being out," it is not about being "stealth." 


To be stealth you have to come out to at least your doctors and staff, and probably to immediate family and some close friend... so you are out!

By your definition stealth wouldn't exist. I very much know what stealth is. I live it. "Tells nobody" pretty much sums it up.

I'm shocked that a simple data comparison of (finally!) a reasonable statistic on what the rate for this population actually is (btw it's been linked on susans before) led to such litigious responses based on rhetorical deconstruction or unjustified disregard. A 15%+ increase is nothing to laugh at when even stealthies are at 1 in 3, and there's probably more data to be plumbed from this document for the purposes of learning what can be done to make peoples' experiences better. In fact the 33% to 50% difference in "outness" really stands out among all the differentiating factors if you analyze other categories.

But I digress, clearly some missed that the point of even introducing such information was to highlight that it's not just that talking for hours about where you're located and where you work and how big your last boyfriend was and how the one before him clocked you is probably a bad idea (hint: it's a horrible idea) but even if you're perfectly safe doing so, it's also bad for your self-esteem to constantly be engaging what is at this point all in the past.

So to say it again, in my earlier post is statistical evidence that being more private might make one's experience of living a little nicer. I'm not trying to tell people how to live their lives, but it's safe to say "putting it all out there" is the opposite of this! And that's probably why people are taking down their media.

And in that regard I'm not surprised by the private, in-forum video sharing found in some susans threads, nor would I be surprised by private video or social media groups. Social media is so open that people are finally having to put up walls.

Quote from: LizMarie on November 19, 2014, 09:39:22 AM
So the "disappearing post-op" is sort of inevitable. Between new transitioners who refuse to listen and general tiredness and frustration from those trying to help, why shouldn't the majority of post-ops vanish?

What is more remarkable, in my mind, are those few post-ops who consistently stay around and continue to offer their support. Those are truly amazing and selfless people.

Time remaining in game: 34:15:43 

I would have to say that people don't want the new people in their life to know.... it is why I am not broadcasting my transition to the public... my old me will die, my new me will be born.....wish could collect the life insurance on the old me xD

The 'Disappearing ->-bleeped-<-s'.... sounds like a great B movie worth watching in the early hours of the morning.... Especially when MST3K has their fun with it.

Quote from: Rachelicious on November 19, 2014, 07:49:41 PM
By your definition stealth wouldn't exist. I very much know what stealth is. I live it. "Tells nobody" pretty much sums it up.

I'm shocked that a simple data comparison of (finally!) a reasonable statistic on what the rate for this population actually is (btw it's been linked on susans before) led to such litigious responses based on rhetorical deconstruction or unjustified disregard. A 15%+ increase is nothing to laugh at when even stealthies are at 1 in 3, and there's probably more data to be plumbed from this document for the purposes of learning what can be done to make peoples' experiences better. In fact the 33% to 50% difference in "outness" really stands out among all the differentiating factors if you analyze other categories.

But I digress, clearly some missed that the point of even introducing such information was to highlight that it's not just that talking for hours about where you're located and where you work and how big your last boyfriend was and how the one before him clocked you is probably a bad idea (hint: it's a horrible idea) but even if you're perfectly safe doing so, it's also bad for your self-esteem to constantly be engaging what is at this point all in the past.

So to say it again, in my earlier post is statistical evidence that being more private might make one's experience of living a little nicer. I'm not trying to tell people how to live their lives, but it's safe to say "putting it all out there" is the opposite of this! And that's probably why people are taking down their media.

And in that regard I'm not surprised by the private, in-forum video sharing found in some susans threads, nor would I be surprised by private video or social media groups. Social media is so open that people are finally having to put up walls.

Do any of your doctors know your past? If so, under those stats you would be counted as Out..

Quote from: Jess42 on November 19, 2014, 05:51:38 PM
Hey Emily. Don't ever post pictures of my family again please. SHHHHH, though or I will send the Men In Black to pay you a visit.

Please, do not take long, because I am quite bored recently and there is some stuff in my appartment which needs to be moved around . Will send You a PM briefly with address and location, ok?

Being 4 weeks post-op myself, I am starting to lose interest in this whole transition stuff and everything around it. When you just start, you want to learn as much as possible, but there comes a time when you get sick and tired of it. It isn't fun to constantly being reminded about the fact you are trans. I will leave this forum one day as well. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next year. I don't know, but there comes a moment when you want to move on, for various reasons, but mainly because you've seen and heard it all.

I'm not post-op, but my transition is pretty much done - to the point that my therapist said I have no need for him. I hang around to share the odd experience and maybe the odd issue, but I could just as easily move along.

I really don't know what my future holds, but it's hard  for me to  see that as long as I have access to a computer it's like I'm just too nosey  not to throw two cents   on the table unless some how I end up getting banned.

I'm pretty much done with my transition at this point and I've cut back on my participation here. I do post in a thread here and there that interests me and I like keeping up with the class I started with long ago. Alas there are fewer of them around now and if I mention something that happened long ago on the forum I get blank stares now. Some day I'm going to look around and realize that I don't know anyone here and I've been there and done that with the topics being discussed and I may realize that it's time to move on. I haven't reached that point quite yet.

People have been disappearing on this forum for as long as I've been here; it's normal.

Quote from: Eva Marie on November 21, 2014, 06:41:41 PM
I'm pretty much done with my transition at this point and I've cut back on my participation here. I do post in a thread here and there that interests me and I like keeping up with the class I started with long ago. Alas there are fewer of them around now and if I mention something that happened long ago on the forum I get blank stares now. Some day I'm going to look around and realize that I don't know anyone here and I've been there and done that with the topics being discussed and I may realize that it's time to move on. I haven't reached that point quite yet.

People have been disappearing on this forum for as long as I've been here; it's normal.

It is normal, and I love the graduations. What I really love is when a past member pops in just to say hi and tell us they're doing well.

A transguy has started to come to my support group after being stealth for a solid 30+ years.  After all that time he realized that he really needed to go to a gynecologist, and it brought up a ton of emotions associated with being trans that he hadn't had to deal with for a very long time.  So he decided that it would be good to get involved with the support group again.  I think he's a great example of someone who blends in and just lives a normal life...until something comes up.  Suddenly he had a need for support, although I doubt he's out in his personal life.  But the community remains there and available to him.

So I would imagine that this is a typical cycle for many of us  Stealth and anonymity are great rewards after the hard work of transition, but eventually many come back to the community in one way or another...and for a number of reasons.

I don't know if I will vanish or not. I refuse to speculate at this time.

However, I do know that once my divorce finalizes, the house is sold, and I am past GCS, that I'll be out and about in public more than now.

I'm not going anywhere.  I will even haunt you all beyond the grave.

To be honest, I will probably scale back everything about being trans at some point....Being like true stealth isn't in the cards, I have a net presence that cannot be totally eradicated. I do however, not want to be chained to being trans as an identity and ultimately that is I think what drives lots of people off. I am a woman, I identify as a woman, I am trans, but I don't identify as such, it is merely a condition that is temporary.

I wouldn't be surprised at anyone leaving to be honest. I wouldn't assume anything negative by it.

Yes, I'm totally out to everyone, including some of my family, two colleagues, some medical practitioners (who take some hard convincing!), excluding all my neighbours and the rest of the world. I cut off from all contact with the trans world for 12 years until I decided that I had to do srs. That done, thank you, I can't help but remain very curious about how everyone else is doing transition. Not being completely happy with past cosmetic surgeries, I've gained some very helpful information about future surgeons, with some surgeries being completed and some immediately pending. I'm also very interested in the voice surgery forum, with some results proving quite stunning. I'm just a very curious person, period, which is probably why I work in R&D in my company.

Many of us are so used to hiding, that going back to hiding post-transition may be more comfortable.  Part of me firmly believes that it's nobody's business, since my entire goal is to be comfortable with my own body and to fit in.  While another, albeit quieter part, wants acceptance, and to be proud of who I am.  Though my past has shaped me, I don't want to be forever defined and judged by my trans status.  Yet to have a deep relationship, I know I will have to disclose to receive the acceptance I need from real friends and significant others.  Life is hard enough that I often just run out of time.

The supporters in the community who devote time to help after they are post op, have the utmost of my admiration and respect.

If you're good friends with a transgender person IRL and they disappear, call mutual friends, their family, and possibly the police if worse comes to worse after 48 hours missing.  If you only know them online, just hope they are ok, since there's not much more you can do without creepy cyberstalking.



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You may like PrincessJoules from YouTube, she has already had the full change and continues to create videos. Though after reading this I hope she does not do the same.


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I spend about half the year in the San Francisco Bay Area and personally know a lot of post op women.  They've become nothing more and nothing less than women, and they live happy lives with average day to day problems.  They aren't activists, and have no reason to stand on a soap box and yell about transition.  Almost all have become successful in their jobs, and work hard to achieve new goals or fulfill other life-long dreams.

I've got my surgery date, and afterwards will most likely do same thing my friends have done.  I don't see why I'd plan differently.

Kathy