So I was talking to this guy with which things looked promising. We were talking about marriage etc. Well I don't think I can tell him I'm transgender, so I'm just going to "disappear". I know he deserves an explanation, but I just can't! I like him too much. All I can do is pray he heals.

what are you going to do in the future then? He most likely would of still loved you.  If he's a man, anyways.

Don't run.

He deserves better than to forever wonder what happened. If you tell him, and he leaves...well ok then, you're in the same position as if you'd left without telling him. No big loss, yes?

But...if he stays...you may have a good thing going on.

Don't do that Jaz.
If you leave him, the man you love, and become invisible, all you're doing is proving to yourself that you're not as good as a cis woman, that you don't deserve to have a fiance or a husband. You do!!! And you're worth it
...
Just because you're different doesn't mean you're any less worthy of love, or that you're lesser than anyone else. Tell him your history, and if he cant be with you any more for whatever reason know it's not your fault, that you are equal to a cis woman and whatever happens is on him.

It's not your fault you were born this way Jaz. Don't be ashamed of your own existence

Hugs
Xoxoxi

Quote from: Jaz650 on November 25, 2014, 05:35:56 PM
So I was talking to this guy with which things looked promising. We were talking about marriage etc. Well I don't think I can tell him I'm transgender, so I'm just going to "disappear". I know he deserves an explanation, but I just can't! I like him too much. All I can do is pray he heals.

Sorry why?

Tell him he leaves.

You disappearing.

Both the same.

What if he does not leave?

What you have to loose?

Just me!

First you need to be argued with to finally believe that it is better to tell someone, and now this is your solution? So you will keep running, avoiding everything and stay single from now on? You cannot keep avoiding your problems. Do not tell yourself you are helping him with it either.

You like him too much so you break his heart with no answer ever giving. Pat on the back, great job. Call me a bitch for being so blunt but at least I do say what is up.

OK, first of all, I'm glad this thread is not about self-penectomy!

In all seriousness, you like him a lot, and if he likes you back, there is a chance he won't even care if you're transgender.  Do you think he deserves a chance?  He could be Mr. Right, and I would not want to risk throwing him away over a presumed prejudice.  What do you have to lose if you were just going to drop him anyway?

He's Catholic, he'll believe it's a sin to be with me.

Quote from: Jaz650 on November 25, 2014, 07:45:53 PM
He's Catholic, he'll believe it's a sin to be with me.

you could quote him your own tag line...

"You must be true to yourself, in order to be true to God! - Jaz"


Love,
Jade

So are my parents :p
And nearly everyone I went to school with(catholic 'all boy's school) and I'd estimate about 60-75% would have been reasonably cool with it in a relationship

Quote from: mrs izzy on November 25, 2014, 07:12:59 PM
Sorry why?

Tell him he leaves.

You disappearing.

Both the same.

What if he does not leave?

What you have to loose?

Just me!

if I disappear, at least he will remember as the girl he liked.

As hard as I am on guys (I can be a real bitch) even I wouldn't just cut him off.
You owe him at least a made up reason, without one it could break his heart, play on his mind whenever he dates someone else or start treating women as sweet nothings.

Quote from: Jo-is-amazing on November 25, 2014, 07:52:04 PM
So are my parents :p
And nearly everyone I went to school with(catholic 'all boy's school) and I'd estimate about 60-75% would have been reasonably cool with it in a relationship

I don't know what to do!! I thought I had it all figured out.. My priest supported me. I was supposed to forget my past, and be the best Catholic WOMAN I could be. But now this... I'm supposed to love my neighbor as myself, and honestly if I was him, I'd be hurt if a girl lied about not being transgender. He's so cute and smart, it would be wrong to lie and rob him from the chance of having children. How,am I supposed to act? What's morally right and wrong? I've come to the conclusion that I just need to let guys know at the beginning. I hope he lives a happy life, he deserves one.

Just tell him Sweetie
Ignore the bad things that might happen and think of how wonderful it would be to have him embrace you for all that you are. Imagine if he doesn't care how amazing life would be if you shared it with someone who knows all the challenges you've overcome and loves you regardless

Wouldn't that be fantastic?
Isn't that worth the risk?

The right thing to do, the catholic thing to do, would be to tell him honestly about your history. Be honest about how terrified you are about him leaving you. Expose your soul to him that is the right thing to do.
...
You are Not robbing him of children
He can still adopt or even have children by surrogate if his faith permits him. It is right that he should know

Sorry to jump on the bandwagon like this but if you tell him then the worst is the same as if you left him high and dry. You have nothing to loose and possibly a life time with him to gain.

That is an incredibly difficult situation and one I can relate to. A few years ago, I really hit it off with a guy online. He happened to be a good friend of my best friend, who he was in love with at the time. I kept my friendship with him strictly online (including voice) and we became pretty close. I was reluctant to move forward and see him, and this really, deeply frustrated him. I thought about cutting off all contact as I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Eventually, I had my best friend deliver the message. His response: "I understand, but unfortunately, I'm not interested in men." -- she gave him a very hard time over that.

We continued our friendship and he quickly understood that I was a woman, but the interest never really came back. He considered the prospect off and on, but it was too difficult for him to get over. In the end, I'm glad, because I realized he wasn't for me even outside of that issue.

It did teach me to be honest about my constitution the moment I start developing feelings. However, if I were to do it again, I would still avoid cutting him off altogether: because I had feelings for him, I gave up a bit of my humanity in his eyes in order to give him peace of mind. It was incredibly difficult to do and I came very close to simply disappearing from his life, as I had been working toward vanishing for over a month. I think few other things would have made sense to him, as we were getting along extremely well.

If I had had sex with a guy before telling him, if I thought he might be violent, if I thought he might try to ruin my reputation or relationships, I would likely resort to the disappearing act. If I'm sure that his reaction will only be deciding not to be with me, though? It'd be hard, but I'd share. It would be too much guilt for me not to give a benign human being peace of mind.


As an additional note, I am currently with a man who I consider to be impossibly fantastic. I told him early, but I was terrified that he would reject me. He is easily the best prospective partner I have ever met and I was certain that he would turn me away upon finding out, but he didn't. In general, I've found that the best men have a high tendency to get over it.

Look at it this way.
What would you think if he just up and left?
You'll break down, you'll be worried that it was you that did something wrong, you'll start to hate yourself, men, you'll feel used, you'll feel useless, you'll start to look down on love and all it has to offer.

What I would do is 1 of 2 things.
Tell him face to face, if you're worried that he'll take it bad, take a trusted loved one and you'll be ok.
Do it over text, I know it seems bad and if a guy ever broke up with me over text I'll hunt him down and cut off his balls, but explain it to him, so write it down, read and re-read, explain everything, explain that you are not a man, explain it was a birth thing, explain that you understand if he wants nothing to do with you, but also explain that religion is a poor reason to hate someone.
Give him time, give him space, don't send the message when you know he'll be busy or around friends.
Also, don't do it just after he left your place after spending an hour making out.
Be smart on how to play this and you'll be ok.

Thanks, I'm going to do #2. I'm scared of losing him.

Quote from: Jaz650 on November 25, 2014, 07:45:53 PM
He's Catholic, he'll believe it's a sin to be with me.

Even if he does...give him the opportunity to deny you.

People have changed religions before, given a strong enough love and trust.