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This ain't a wonderful life

Started by K Style Addiction, November 27, 2014, 01:01:22 AM

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K Style Addiction

God I hate you so much right now, you are a loser,
Good for nothing, annoying fat sow.

Do you think you're worth anything, ha! I'd like to see you drop
You better stop, you're just one big problem.

You will always be a loser, the world has spoken
And you should listen, go jump off a hill

This ain't a wonderful life, this is your night
You best be listening, snap your neck fade off into the dark

Be forgotten, not even in the heart
Damn girl who would have known

Every seed you planted, everything that has grown
Begins and ends with you, stop your moaning

End that groaning accept fate, enter the darkness
Go be a hermit, acquire the skill to be heartless

You may breathe but you'll always be dead
Alone at Christmas haha,  filled with dread

Fool, enjoy your fate


I will be honest I DO feel this way but I honestly also want to share it because apart from writing my feelings, I want to see how my attempt at doing more of a rap style poetry without stereotypical use of "gangsta" slang
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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TerriT

Well, it has a decent rhythm to it structurally, but the theme is a little one sided. I think, sometimes, it's more effective to share contrast in your feelings. It makes the pain more unbearable. Like the line "Every seed you planted, everything that has grown" makes me want to learn more but it's not a resolved statement. What did you plant? What has grown? Why then is it not working the way you intended? Stuff like that.

Anyways, thanks for posting. Sorry I don't know any of your other writings.
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K Style Addiction

Quote from: TerriT on December 02, 2014, 03:56:12 PM
Well, it has a decent rhythm to it structurally, but the theme is a little one sided. I think, sometimes, it's more effective to share contrast in your feelings. It makes the pain more unbearable. Like the line "Every seed you planted, everything that has grown" makes me want to learn more but it's not a resolved statement. What did you plant? What has grown? Why then is it not working the way you intended? Stuff like that.

Anyways, thanks for posting. Sorry I don't know any of your other writings.

Thanks, i'll take it into consideration :)
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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