Hello girls
i have been corresponding with the psychiatrist that i had two sessions with some weeks ago.  He now says that his expertise lies in handling
dread within the gay community and is not really qualified to handle transgender individuals. i came there originally because i was in trauma
after a rape, but as i have worked hard to heal from that, it is the transitioning that i need most help with in my opinion. 
Am so disappointed but it´s good to know that he is not the right one.  i asked him if he could refer me to another psychiatrist, but have
not received an answer yet, perhaps tomorrow.  My fear is that there is nobody to turn to.  i had also developed some reservations about
this T, he is gay and has displayed a bias against bi people, believes you are either straight or gay. That in itself does not induce trust in his judgment.

Seems i am being forced to contact the psychologist who heads the trans program.  It bothers me so much that this is listed as a mental disorder here,
at the same time there is a demand that only those found to be "sane enough" can expect to get a green light for HRT. A mad situation.
The government pays for part of the cost of surgery but nothing at all for the HRT, so to require a person to live as a female for a year while undergoing
psychiatric and psychological evaluation and from what i hear humiliation is outrageous to me.  They tell me that wanting to be me is a disorder,
screw them, to hell with this rotten country i want out of here. So upset. Am trapped and all i hear is you cannot we will not because we know best.
Just venting to get this out of me, could just scream into a pillow. A lifetime of rejection and it just never ends.
Wife is getting tired of endless problems associated with my transformation and understandably so. You are the only ones i can turn to for understanding
but that means a lot to me, think i would despair if not for Susan's Place. Just need a hug i think
Linda

Gives you a HUGE hug! That's a crappy situation to be in babe, it sounds a lot like the uk when I first tried transitioning 25 years ago.
Stay strong hon, YOU know who you are and in the end they will have to accept that too. You'll get there.

Thank you ChrissyChips
It is not correct that i am rejected by all here, the local transgender group has accepted me, must not forget that.
The T just answered my email and agrees with me that i should look elsewhere.  He wants to get advice from his colleagues
on who if anyone i can turn to. Crossed fingers on that.
i am a very determined person when i want something and i have never wanted anything more than transitioning to the female i am inside.
Your words help me focus, inspire strength in me. Have never gotten anything easily anyway.
Big hug to you

Sending a few hugs for now and later.

Hugs,

You know you are female and you are strong. You have endured countless days playing  a role. Now you can start the process of being yourself.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on December 08, 2014, 07:42:50 PM
Hugs,

You know you are female and you are strong. You have endured countless days playing  a role. Now you can start the process of being yourself.

Am reading over and over what you wrote and reciting it back like a mantra
Hugs

Hugs to you Mrs Izzy, i get it, will need some hugs later too
Think maybe i can sleep now,
sorry i am such a mess
and Thank You
Linda

Take this for what it's worth (0.03$ worth, adjusted for inflation)

In my experience (I'm a guy, here supporting a friend) a "shrink" is just a neutral party to pay money to for them to listen. Now, perhaps I've had bad experiences, in fact, I'm willing to cop to this, but I've found letting it all out to a friend to be far more benefit, than someone "professional"

-but-

Since in order to complete your transformation, you have to go through one, it makes things far more complex than they should be. Considering the list of professionals in my area, exceed the number of doctors and lawyers combined, there are bound to be others out there in the professional community that do not disparage who you wish to be (a mental disorder? really? narrow minded sots they are) it's just a matter of finding one.

Heck, this forum is huge, and seems to be quite well connected (in my very limited time being here) does the forum owner not maintain a list of sympathetic professionals you can rely on?

And providing this advice is worthless, allow me simply to voice my support to what you are going through, it cannot be easy, but you are not alone here.

Hello AttackDonut, thank you for your thoughts.
No, there is nowhere else for me to turn. The problem is that i am misdiagnosed from many years ago. A psychologist saw me for twenty minutes
and then ruled that i have borderline personality disorder, some garbage can for those they cannot place within the confines of their books.
i have thought about getting another evaluation, i know that i am not a sociopath lite, but then i think what´s the point, i will just be misdiagnosed again.
Let them think of me what they will i concluded, but now the situation is that if i want to fight for my right to be me these are the folks i must turn to,
charlatans and amateurs with degrees.

My only close friend is supportive of me trying to feel better about myself, but does not really want to know any details.  i don´t want to burden our friendship.
There comes a point when i have to ask myself is it worth it to fight windmills. To be me at all cost might alienate me from what i have secured, a family that
loves me and could plummet me into deepest despair. i don´t know, i try and tell myself that i can do this, that i am strong, but i am not, i am so tired.
i am going to go to an Xmas gathering of my local transgender group and just be me. If i feel alienated there too i guess that´s it then.

Hi Linda,

xoxoxoxo to you, I really feel for you... 

I suspect this is just a setback, you are obviously committed to your destiny... don't give up on yourself because you are special and you have many friends here.

I don't know much about where you live... Maybe raise the psychiatrist issue with the Transgender group leader, may be able to direct you to a good resource?

I don't know if there are other forum members based where you are, if so hopefully they will see this thread.

Are there any alternatives to seeing a psychiatrist for you? Do you need it for HRT or S/GRS?

Please look after yourself...

Love Katy

Quote from: katrinaw on December 09, 2014, 04:39:41 AM
Hi Linda,

xoxoxoxo to you, I really feel for you... 

I suspect this is just a setback, you are obviously committed to your destiny... don't give up on yourself because you are special and you have many friends here.

I don't know much about where you live... Maybe raise the psychiatrist issue with the Transgender group leader, may be able to direct you to a good resource?

I don't know if there are other forum members based where you are, if so hopefully they will see this thread.

Are there any alternatives to seeing a psychiatrist for you? Do you need it for HRT or S/GRS?

Please look after yourself...

Love Katy

Hi Katy
Thanks for believing in me and saying that i am special.  i wish i wasn´t though, i just want to belong, tired of being the odd one out.
i know who i am, a woman trapped in a mans body.  Yeah maybe this is just a setback and i will regain my strength and determination,
but i feel like i am on the edge.  The group leader is a young woman doing her best to lead a small group of ladies.  She went through
the required process, but yeah there is a chance that she or someone there can direct me to a caring T that feels capable.

Soft hugs to you Katy, i am touched by your empathy and kindness. Will try not to give up.
Love Linda

what country is this

Linda, I know that having to change therapists is a giant pain, but it's so much better to get away from a non-trans-experienced therapist and find one that is experienced with us. 

Been there, done that, several times, I'm afraid, with non-T experienced therapists.  No way would I ever go back there again.

You are special!  Do not give up.  This is a setback, and maybe in a short while, you'll be able to look back on this as a positive experience, like "Am I ever glad that happened!".  We care about you.  Don't stop posting.

Marie

We went out today to visit my mother and as my wife was helping her put up Xmas decorations, our son and i went to the store for mom.
i am going to have to make this work somehow because there is no way i can pretend to be a man anymore.  When i walk and move and pick up things,
whatever i am doing it´s in a feminine way, i am not so aware of it, am just doing things as they come naturally, what i have always held back.
This guy in his forties didn´t like it and gave me one of those insolent looks that mean be a man you weakling and i just ignored him.
He passed me by again by the milk cooler and again the dirty look and twisted lip and again i ignored it and did my thing.
At the checkout counter he was right behind me and one more time he went at it. i thought to myself for a little bit, should i explode on this fellow,
no not doing things like that anymore.  You would have been proud of me girls, you know what i did? He was right up against me and so
bending forward a little i farted at him and then observed him with a sweet smile  as he retreated two steps back all aghast or rather agassed.
Finally my recent tummy unrest came in handy.

Hi Stephanie, i am in Iceland.
Hi ElizMarie.  Thank you so much, yes i am inclined to agree with you about choice of therapist.  There must be one that has had sessions with trans women
and i will find him or her. i am afraid you are stuck with me, i know i belong here. Warm hugs to you, your words lift me up

OK agree, that was not very lady like what i did, but it sure beat my first thought.
Forgive my warped sense of humour, i am bad, i know it.
Learning from you girls how to handle those situations.

Something much nicer happened on the way back home at a gas station.
i had ordered something from the grill, (honestly i do it rarely) and while waiting for it
i was allowed to keep some drinks i bought there cool in the sandwich cooler.
As i walked up to the counter to pick up my order a lady about my age looked me up and down
with a smile on her face and when i plucked the drinks from the cooler she spoke to me.
Well well, just get to keep your drinks there like a celebrity and again a great big smile.
i live for luxury i softly answered and she laughed out loud.  Good feeling that was.

i have to lighten up or i will be crying all the time.
Two hours ago the guy who raped me showed up at our door.
It was pretty horrible and i froze like a statue just answering
in single syllables. At least i put my foot out so he could not enter
and finally after what seemed like forever i was able to say
i can´t talk to you now and i closed the door on him
Hope he never returns, he must have seen how shocked and upset i was.
Am handling it better at the moment than i thought i would.
linda