Quote from: kast on December 09, 2014, 11:23:58 PM
Hey Mike,
I'm in a similar place and mostly stealth. There's one guy friend who I've known for 2 years, and I've been wanting to come out to him. I completely understand that sense of disconnection. I think my friend can sense that I've put a wall up, that there's something I don't share or don't trust him with. I can't talk to him about certain things like why I'm having family conflict, why my relationship with my ex was actually complicated, or why I'm hesitant to go swimming or camping because he'll notice my chest scars.
Before deciding I want to tell him, I weighed some pros and cons. I really appreciate having 'guy time' where nobody knows and I'm unquestionably accepted, and guys feel comfortable to joke about their balls or whatever. But I also need close friends with who I can share everything and feel like there is no possibility of "will this person still be my friend if I share something about myself?". I don't like that pressure and I think it puts a cap on getting closer to that person. I would rather have that stealth guy-time with acquaintances, and have more open friendships with people I actually care about.
The dynamics of the friendship probably will change a little bit, and I expect sex jokes etc to become a little awkward (but they don't have to be). I figure that acquaintances are easier to come by than real friends, and life's too short to not make yourself vulnerable to the friends you care about.
I've actually been really trying to tell my friend soon (this month), so if I manage it, I'll keep you posted 
I'm really interested to hear how it goes, I may even do so myself in the next couple months... PM me if you want to talk about it kast.
Quote from: Jenna Marie on December 10, 2014, 10:26:56 AM
I'm actually going to buck the tide with a different experience... this applies to both people who saw me transition, and those who found out later. In the beginning, yes, the way they saw me *did* change, and it was subtle but annoying to see that now I was in a mental category of "woman, but not quite like other women."
The fascinating thing, to me, was that their perceptions and behavior eventually changed BACK. People's ideas of gender are so hardwired that in time they started reacting to me just like another woman again (female friends expected me to have a tampon in my purse or started talking to me about childbirth, male friends joked about my fondness for shopping or treated me with the same discreet chivalry and flirtatiousness that they did all women, that sort of thing). It was too hard for them to maintain the mental distance versus relaxing back into subconsciously identifying me as a "normal woman." It took anywhere from a few days to a couple of years, mind you, with the longest lag time being the people who'd watched me transition from the beginning.
Heck, my father even treats me with the same faintly patronizing disdain my sister always got, now. 
That's really interesting. I think that you make a really good point. I actually think that could potentially happen with my friends, if they even do start treating me like a "man, but not quite like other men."
@NathanialM: I really have no interest in letting anyone know who is just a friend or acquaintance. I don't feel like i'm hiding anything from them at all. I don't even feel like i'm hiding anything from my close friends. I just feel like in order to have a closer relationship it might be nice to share it with them, in hopes they won't see me any less than the man they have seen me all along. It's still up for debate anyways as I think about it. I love living as a man, not a transgender man. I never feel like I don't fit in with the guys or that I slip up and say something only a woman would understand. I just want to feel closer to my really good friends, that's all. Thanks for your input anyways.
