after reading all the comments for this post the only think in my mind was the same as the my first thought, I do not say anything about my Transition but, the only message i would give me is "hang in there little girl, everything is going to be alright, even if you think this is a dead end, trust me, is not, keep you chin up and never give up" 

Quote from: Clhoe G on December 14, 2014, 02:29:15 AM
Ouch, I think I'd prefer the orchi, if I wasn't do attached to em.

If there were a way to take them off safely without the risk of fatal bleeding, I would do it today... The problem with the orchi is that it requires the support of multiple medical professionals, which is not easy to obtain.

My mother says not to be depressed about backing down when I was 22, because I cannot change the past. But how could I not be depressed? I could have been so beautiful and now I will never even be passable. Almost any woman my age would be depressed if she looked like me.

probably have just put myself out of my misery. I came close. I just didn't follow through.
Maybe tell myself not to get married.
Not to let Birkin get close.
A lot of things I could have done better or different. Like not have transitioned at the place I worked at. I should have just got my CDL and hit the road and never looked back.

If I could do life all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.

Quote from: mac1 on December 20, 2014, 01:37:02 PM
If I could do it all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.

^ A thousand times this

Ditto, but with also the other substance that comes with that knowledge. The courage and strength that we have gained as we have transitioned, which are just as important as the knowledge.
Mariah

Quote from: mac1 on December 20, 2014, 01:37:02 PM
If I could do it all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.

We all have regrets. I know I do. I tried to transition early when I was 17, but even tho I was emancipated from my adopted father he managed to put the kibosh on my transition. Truth is Doc's will listed to a 40 year old man before they will a 17 year old. And the worse part is genetically I'm female which he knew. It was because I'm intersex, a female hermaphrodite and have a very small penis my adopted father was convinced I was male(to him penis = male regardless) despite what the Doc's kept telling him. He also scared me as he was a very intimidating overbearing muscular dude who wouldn't hesitate to give me a beatdown. He said and I quote; "it will toughen you up!" But yes even tho it was the early 80's and medical technology and knowhow wasn't what it is today I would have loved to transition earlier and have my birth defect corrected then.

But alas as someone said; "we can't change the past." For if I had it to do all over again I would have gotten as far away from him as I could and as the continental land mass would allow then my transition back then might have been successful. Oh well............, and so it goes. I am happy now tho that it is getting done so......

I'll just have to move on from here. Thinking about my lost years just hurts too much.

Sorry for the rant -was reminiscing this evening.

Happy Holidays!
Ally

Quote from: mac1 on December 20, 2014, 01:37:02 PM
If I could do life all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.

100% Agreed, plus not marry... and above all be stronger!

L Katy

Do it earlier.

Allyda, don't be sorry for the rant. We all need to do that sometimes. My father was the same way and once they opened the door for the one path he wouldn't let them even think of course correcting later. It's probably why him and I never did fully get along. What he wanted from me was never possible.
Mariah

Quote from: Allyda on December 21, 2014, 01:53:38 AM
We all have regrets. I know I do. I tried to transition early when I was 17, but even tho I was emancipated from my adopted father he managed to put the kibosh on my transition. Truth is Doc's will listed to a 40 year old man before they will a 17 year old. And the worse part is genetically I'm female which he knew. It was because I'm intersex, a female hermaphrodite and have a very small penis my adopted father was convinced I was male(to him penis = male regardless) despite what the Doc's kept telling him. He also scared me as he was a very intimidating overbearing muscular dude who wouldn't hesitate to give me a beatdown. He said and I quote; "it will toughen you up!" But yes even tho it was the early 80's and medical technology and knowhow wasn't what it is today I would have loved to transition earlier and have my birth defect corrected then.

But alas as someone said; "we can't change the past." For if I had it to do all over again I would have gotten as far away from him as I could and as the continental land mass would allow then my transition back then might have been successful. Oh well............, and so it goes. I am happy now tho that it is getting done so......

I'll just have to move on from here. Thinking about my lost years just hurts too much.

Sorry for the rant -was reminiscing this evening.

Happy Holidays!
Ally

If transitioning even earlier weren't an option -- e.g. I started at 24, would have loved 13+ blockers and administration at 18 -- then I would have still changed a few things as follows:

1. Convince myself to find work immediately. I wasted five years doing nothing, and my transition has been delayed as a result.
2. Focus more on losing weight instead of putting it off until just last year.
3. Make myself realize that most people don't get you, but most people also don't want to hurt you. Many of those people want to learn and adapt.
4. Make myself realize that being nice to people almost always gets them to treat you appropriately, and the types of friends I tend to like often find what I'm going through to be "neat" and "interesting."
5. Started all forms of LHR immediately.
6. Spent more time developing talents for crowd funding.

Quote from: missymay on December 14, 2014, 12:11:48 PM
I should have had consults With few therapists, before deciding on one, but in 1998 there was only one in my area that I could find. At first I really liked her (and I still do), she was very personable, and she was the first person I had ever confided in about being a woman in the wrong body, but she hurt me, because she gave me false hope in regards to the changes I should expect within the first 6 months of HRT. I started HRT at age 35, I weighed 215lbs of solid muscle with 4% body fat and I had been that way for 10 years. Anyway, I explained to her that I would only begin HRT and start the process to transition, if I could be sure that HRT would cause me to lose enough muscle, so that I could have a feminine body.  Her response was that she sees transgender patients regularly, and that she was certain that I was going to have a good outcome.  She went on to say that within 6 months after starting HRT, I would resemble a female athlete, such as a tennis player. Well 6 months later, Her predictions were all wrong, and I was heartbroken, and put transition on hold for 9 years, because the fact is that for every year that you lift weights, it takes that full amount of time for the muscles to atrophy.

We deserve to know the good as well as the bad, so that we can make the correct decisions. I already knew that it would take 10 years to lose the muscle, but she led me to believe that HRT magically melts it away.

I hope that is not true! I have a bodybuilding muscle mass from lifting hours a day for 3 years. I hope burning off every calorie I eat running will help. I use to use so much that my muscle mass would be used as fuel (sweat will smell of ammonia), so I hope that will help me.

Given that almost everyone is going to say they would go back to pre-puberty and get hormones then, I won't say that, because it goes without saying.

But given my current timeline? Gosh, I've just started, so what?

Probably not a darn thing. I have no regrets. To me I am doing this the right way. Informed consent hormones, gradually building up my way to fulltime, seeing a therapist, gradually out to family and friends. Well I would have probably seen my current therapist first, and not the other one I was dealing with.

But let's say we rule out childhood transition (because everyone is saying that they'd transition in childhood). I'd have done it when my ex ended my starter marriage and I would have transitioned in my 20s. But then again I wouldn't have my kids. I may have banked sperm before, but given that we had to have assisted reproduction even with me not transitioning, I dunno how successful that would be. It sounds crazy but my kids are something I don't regret at all. I have a really strong bond with them and could not imagine my life without them.

earlier, pre-t, blah blah

BUT: im 32, ive waited long enough, the internet changed everything, people are much more tolerant, the technology exists, im professionally and financially independent, i love running my business, i told all my friends family and facebook acquaintances, i feel full of beans and am loving this slow change into the person i wanted to much to be as an unhappy boy. i feel strong and composed and happy.

at any point in the past, these werent all true so, I wasnt ready. in fat i was a horrible angry dick. not ready. so no regrets.

So, maybe nothing, you know? this feels like growing up. doing what i want and doing it with a smile. sometimes a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do; stop pretending to be a man. onward an upward on the long slow climb out of hell.

If I could transition all over again, I would not have been such a rude dick to everyone who didn't "get it" when I foisted a new name and new pronouns upon my co-workers and friends. I was very angry and irritable in general, but that extra bit of pissy attitude I gave people certainly made me (more of) a target at the workplace. I was 19, I didn't have the wherewithal or the foresight to just try to understand where they were coming from, even if they didn't really do that for me!

I would have done it much sooner. I'm not even talking childhood, even age 18 would have been good for me.

I also would have saved more of my money earlier on, so I could have had surgery. I would have taken better care of myself physically and mentally, but transitioning changed most of that for me so maybe that falls under doing it earlier.

Quote from: Clhoe G on December 12, 2014, 01:19:51 AM
If you could go back in time to the day you began your transition, what would you do differently?
Or what advice would you give, based on your experience to others, beginning their transition?

I would lower my testosterone levels before, adding any estrogen, because I ended up with full blown andropause symptoms and I think estrogen made it worse.
Worst few months of my life.

I'm pre-everything (even telling the wife) and I'm not sure I would have liked to have started before puberty.  The reason is that I love my wife and daughter more than anything.  If I had not suppressed and choked back my dysphoria for all these years, I wouldn't have had either.

Now, no matter what happens, I have a wonderful daughter.  I may end up keeping my wonderful wife who wasn't so open-minded when I met her but is now. 

As much as I would like to be myself right now and have all of this behind me, I don't think I would hit that magic do-over button.  If I did, I think I would maybe go back about four or five years but that's it.

I imagine this wont be uncommon but I'd go back and start sooner. With how supportive my parents were I can only imagine what would have happened if I told them at 17 or something.