I'm pretty new to all of this. I've been questioning my gender identity off and on for a couple of years with some earlier hints. I'm really not sure how far I would like to go with transitioning or how to really begin. I've always had trouble being confident in my own thoughts and feelings, and I'm so afraid of "getting it wrong". At the same time, I'm impatient and really want to jump into this.

I came out to my therapist and wife last week, and they were both great. I love my therapist, but we spend most of our time dealing with my depression and anxiety, with little time to discuss gender issues.

I've started some cross-dressing; I wear panties and a sports bra under my clothes. And I wear women's PJs and active-wear while relaxing at home. I've started to shave my chest and underarms as well. I'd really like to permanently remove my beard hair because, but I'm worried about the cost.

I joined the LGBT network at work and my wife and I are planning to go to transgender social on Monday. I'm hoping that interacting with others in similar situations will help me, but I'd be grateful for any advice or pointers you may have. Thanks in advance.

Thanks so much for the advice.

That's definitely not me in the picture. That's Jewel Staite as Kaylee from the show Firefly. I currently look 100% male.

Anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, all wrapped up into one neat TG bundle. Yep, described my life to a T 6-7 years ago.

You already know where and how to begin. You done it. Where to go? How to get there? Only you can answer them, just like how to start. For me "Where to go?" has been a constantly moving target. Transitioning to full-time was definitely off the table. Been there tried it twice in my early 20's. Early to mid 50's for sure a big NO. All I knew for sure I needed to be one whole healthy person in order to be happy. I couldn't go on trying to be 3-4-5 separate people all while trying to keep pushing that TG cork back down under the water.

Six years later I am still working that plan. I am making great strides in becoming one whole person. I am mostly ME all the time on the inside and how I express myself almost all the time. All while still presenting as male. Though I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman, the decision to go, or no go,  full-time is even harder to make now.

I know I've been blessed in many ways. One of which is "so far" I have not felt that I NEEDED to go full time, or pull the plug on my life, as so many other in my support group have expressed. My life in pretty much every aspect is finally working. I am even happy being me and being in my own skin. Pretty much all the aspects of me are alive and well living in harmony.  Sure, I know I'd feel more genuine if I present as female all the time. But at what cost?

What I am doing today, is working. If I am still in denial, so be it. This denial is far better then the other. I used to obsess over "Reverting" back to that other miserable wretch of a person that I was. I know when I am scared and haunted by the rumblings of "WTF am I doing?" it does slip briefly into my head that by the shear force of will I can ride this out. Screw all this TG stuff.

My constant response is "I know what DOES NOT work". I guess I am a slow learner since it took me a good 30 years to see that what I was doing was not working. What I am doing Today is. What, if anything different, I need to do tomorrow I know I can sort that out if/when I get there.

Thanks a lot for the advice Joanne and Hanazona.

I think you're right that I need to live in the moment and take everything one step at a time. The impatience is frustrating, but this isn't going to happen overnight.

This is definitely a journey of finding and apologetically becoming my true authentic self. Whenever I've had glimmers of that in the past, it's given me the most joyous and buoyant feelings imaginable. So that's really my long-term goal.

In the near term I'll keep talking to my therapist and wife and I'm planning to talk to a dermatologist about hair removal.

Start the hair removal as soon as you can. I know I wish I would have started it earlier than I did, but still the sooner the better. Indeed it is frustrating that it takes so long, but you have to walk before you can run. I just want things be completed and done, but that time allows us to grow and mature our authentic selves. Good luck with the start of your journey.
Mariah

Quote from: JulieL on December 21, 2014, 07:37:57 AM
Thanks a lot for the advice Joanne and Hanazona.

I think you're right that I need to live in the moment and take everything one step at a time. The impatience is frustrating, but this isn't going to happen overnight.

This is definitely a journey of finding and apologetically becoming my true authentic self. Whenever I've had glimmers of that in the past, it's given me the most joyous and buoyant feelings imaginable. So that's really my long-term goal.

In the near term I'll keep talking to my therapist and wife and I'm planning to talk to a dermatologist about hair removal.

Thanks for the advice, Mariah!

I think I'm going to start with the beard as soon as I can. I'll be glad to have that gone no matter what I do next.