We're all human, so we all have "itches" that need "scratching" sometimes.  But transpeople, many of us in transition, may find it rather difficult to identify ourselves within the myriad of sexual possibilities. If our own identities help enable us to gauge who we look for in a partner/mate/fling/special friend, yet our identity is in the process of changing, how are we supposed to find somebody(s)?

Gozer,
I know that this subject has been discussed several times in the forums. I'll tell you what I'm doing about it. I just started hormones, I know this is going to be a fairly lengthy process. I'm assuming you mean sexual relations or intimacy when you say "we all have 'itches' that need 'scratching' sometimes?" If that is what you mean, I'm following my mom's advice from when I was like 11 and had a bunch of mosquito bites that I kept scratching. She told me "if you don't pick them, they'll heal faster and won't leave scars."

So, that's what I'm doing when I get an "itch." I am recognizing that transition is going to take a few years and that, although it will be lonely, I'm not going to enter into any relationships until I am through transition. I know that I want a relationship with a guy, I don't want a relationship with a guy now in transition. It's going to be a journey filled with enough emotion and turbulent times, to try to bring someone new along with me would be bad, IMHO.

Also, I don't really feel like my identity is in the process of changing. If anything is stable and has been stable in my life, it's been my identity. I'm reading that in the context of your message to mean that identity = internal self-definition, but I guess you could be meaning outwardly appearance, can't tell from the way you wrote it.

Anyway, I'm following the 'if it itches, DON'T scratch it until it heals' philosophy. Thanks mom Meghan

Quote from: Gozer on September 22, 2007, 10:02:08 PM
We're all human, so we all have "itches" that need "scratching" sometimes.  But transpeople, many of us in transition, may find it rather difficult to identify ourselves within the myriad of sexual possibilities. If our own identities help enable us to gauge who we look for in a partner/mate/fling/special friend, yet our identity is in the process of changing, how are we supposed to find somebody(s)?

This assumes one needs a gender identity to find a partner.

This is not true in some cases. Most men do want the vagina. But some men can see beyond that and that's the kind of men I want. Surgery or not, if you can't accept me the way I am now, i don't want you even if you CAN accept me the way I will become post surgery.

And masturbation? Sexual encounters? Yes, I do some of them. If it's someone you trust and if you are playing safe, than I will consider it. As for pleasuring myself , I do it when I feel like it. I don't do it often though and the urge to do it is not strong and it is not easy to complete the task anymore, but who needs to climax in order to get pleasure? I don't.

Quote from: asiangurliee on September 22, 2007, 10:46:47 PM

Quote from: Gozer on September 22, 2007, 10:02:08 PM
We're all human, so we all have "itches" that need "scratching" sometimes.  But transpeople, many of us in transition, may find it rather difficult to identify ourselves within the myriad of sexual possibilities. If our own identities help enable us to gauge who we look for in a partner/mate/fling/special friend, yet our identity is in the process of changing, how are we supposed to find somebody(s)?

This assumes one needs a gender identity to find a partner.

This is not true in some cases. Most men do want the vagina.

That isn't true. You've just left out ALL men who identify as gay or bisexual. I'm extremely frustrated at the moment by gay men because they can't see past the fact that I don't have a dick. They're happy to make out with me to get with my friend, but they aren't interested in anything else because I'm lacking in the penis department. How lovely.

I think part of the problem is that we feel compelled to put labels on ourselves. It doesn't matter what you are called in actually having a relationship; you just meet people and if you're attracted to one, you try to find out if the feeling might be mutual.

Instead, we seem to spend all sorts of time categorizing ourselves and others, and limiting ourselves to meeting the kinds of people that are expected to be compatible with our labels!

I am a pre-op transsexual. I have pretty much lost interest in a sexual relationship with women, I have come to enjoy sex with men but have no interest in a serious affair with one, and I am in a committed relationship with another pre-op. What label should I wear? I could have spent all my time worrying about that, but instead I just went out and met the most wonderful person I've ever known and now we plan to spend the rest of our lives together.

Labels are useful in explaining your situation to someone, or in therapy, but they are a huge waste of time in relationships.

Great post Annie!

Quote from: Ron on September 23, 2007, 04:00:31 AM

Quote from: asiangurliee on September 22, 2007, 10:46:47 PM

Quote from: Gozer on September 22, 2007, 10:02:08 PM
We're all human, so we all have "itches" that need "scratching" sometimes.  But transpeople, many of us in transition, may find it rather difficult to identify ourselves within the myriad of sexual possibilities. If our own identities help enable us to gauge who we look for in a partner/mate/fling/special friend, yet our identity is in the process of changing, how are we supposed to find somebody(s)?

This assumes one needs a gender identity to find a partner.

This is not true in some cases. Most men do want the vagina.

That isn't true. You've just left out ALL men who identify as gay or bisexual. I'm extremely frustrated at the moment by gay men because they can't see past the fact that I don't have a dick. They're happy to make out with me to get with my friend, but they aren't interested in anything else because I'm lacking in the penis department. How lovely.

Most *striaght* men..

Gozer,

Being TG can be a lonely experience in itself.

Having someone to share life's experiences can be wonderful!  In fact sometimes fun things are just not fun by yourself.

Developing friendships is very rewarding and makes life more fun.  We do not need to put a date or time on intimacy.  Sometimes things just happen.

Some people can also surprise you on their ability to love and share their feelings.

If you have the ability to share love then the favor will be returned.

I was lucky to be in a relatioship through my transition with someone who loved and accepted me even before surgery. If the day comes when we are not together (I do wonder) then I know it would be difficult for me being as macho as I am having to try to explain why my penis is only a few inches long. I opted for sensation over size. But I do agree with accepting you for who and not what you are. I think it is harder for us on that subject in this situation.

                                                 Marco

penis is about a few inches long. 

Quote from: Wendy on September 28, 2007, 05:18:22 PM

Being TG can be a lonely experience in itself.

For real.