Today after a very intense situation with my wife I cracked and I told her I am transgender!

To sum it up fast it went like this...

Me: "I love you and always will but I have to tell you something. I'm transgender. I am a woman trapped in a mans body. etc etc etc."

Wife: "So you want a sex change to have sex with guys?"

Me: "No, I'm lesbian and want to have sex with you. I married you and want to spend the rest of my life with you just the same as I have since we got together. I just don't want to pretend to be a man anymore."

After explaining to her that I identify as female and have since I was 5 (now 36) and that I am gay but lesbian, and not into men. I got a response that only could have happened in a dream. I'm still probably more in shock by her response than her at my confession I think.

She said something I never saw possible in all the times I played this out in my head.

She said "I love you, and accept you. I will always love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You're still the same person I married. I married you, not the gender."

Holy, wow, what the....? I always knew I married someone special, but for her to be so calm and totally kind with those words took my love for her to another dimension. I don't think I have ever felt so relieved as I did in that moment.

We discussed things a little more in depth, the therapy sessions I have gone for, which she didn't know why I was going, what gender dysphoria is (and how it really really sucks), and some more private and personal things. None of it seemed to phase her and although she said she had no idea, I still can't see how she didn't already know. NO MAN, is completely shaved, wears makeup, nail polish and says he wants breasts for years to his wife. I left a breadcrumb trail of transness for years. I was only short of using the term transgender for the last year or so.

Although I am under no illusions that this means free run of my desired personal changes, and will clearly take some time for both of us to adjust to. I could not be happier with the results. The constant pain and total fear of what I have so desperately wanted to tell her for at least a decade, is no longer bottled up inside. The weight has been lifted and tonight I sleep for the first time with my wife knowing who she truly married.

Happy New Years everyone. 2015 is going to be an interesting and good year I think. 

Amelia

Sounds like a very good start! 

My advice would be to make an appointment with a therapist in the first instance, so as to get things going.

Good luck and best wishes with your journey!

Quote from: ameliato on December 31, 2014, 10:00:45 PM
Today after a very intense situation with my wife I cracked and I told her I am transgender!

To sum it up fast it went like this...

Me: "I love you and always will but I have to tell you something. I'm transgender. I am a woman trapped in a mans body. etc etc etc."

Wife: "So you want a sex change to have sex with guys?"

Me: "No, I'm lesbian and want to have sex with you. I married you and want to spend the rest of my life with you just the same as I have since we got together. I just don't want to pretend to be a man anymore."

After explaining to her that I identify as female and have since I was 5 (now 36) and that I am gay but lesbian, and not into men. I got a response that only could have happened in a dream. I'm still probably more in shock by her response than her at my confession I think.

She said something I never saw possible in all the times I played this out in my head.

She said "I love you, and accept you. I will always love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You're still the same person I married. I married you, not the gender."

Holy, wow, what the....? I always knew I married someone special, but for her to be so calm and totally kind with those words took my love for her to another dimension. I don't think I have ever felt so relieved as I did in that moment.

We discussed things a little more in depth, the therapy sessions I have gone for, which she didn't know why I was going, what gender dysphoria is (and how it really really sucks), and some more private and personal things. None of it seemed to phase her and although she said she had no idea, I still can't see how she didn't already know. NO MAN, is completely shaved, wears makeup, nail polish and says he wants breasts for years to his wife. I left a breadcrumb trail of transness for years. I was only short of using the term transgender for the last year or so.

Although I am under no illusions that this means free run of my desired personal changes, and will clearly take some time for both of us to adjust to. I could not be happier with the results. The constant pain and total fear of what I have so desperately wanted to tell her for at least a decade, is no longer bottled up inside. The weight has been lifted and tonight I sleep for the first time with my wife knowing who she truly married.

Happy New Years everyone. 2015 is going to be an interesting and good year I think. 

Amelia

congrats your wife is a beautiful woman .
This is exactly how my coming out to my wife went .
Such a huge load of your mind and chest now the journey togeather continues xoxo


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Glad there is understanding.

You said and will also say.

Transition is a marathon not a sprint.

Do not lock her out of the process.

She has her own needs and can not be over run by yours.

Relax, breathe and day at a time.

Hugs to you both.

Communication.

Congratulations, that is awesome!

From another trans woman with her spouse on board, super congrats! I also echo your own sentiments, it's just starting and make it a partnership with her needs equal to yours in both your transitions.  It may be slower (mine was/is) but it's sooo worth it!!  PM me anytime you have a question if you'd like.

Congratulations again!! Whoo hoo !!!

So happy for you both.  Since I told my wife we are so much closer, wish it was the same for us all.

Congratulations!

Hold on to your wife with both hands and do not let her go, she is amazing.

Congratulations!
And thanks for sharing this, gives me hope too...

So happy to read your great news!  [emoji4]  My wife had a similar reaction,  and I also left a pretty obvious trail.

I did learn to give space and time, though.   Even though she was on board,  to much too soon sorta freaked her out a couple of times.

Congratulations. Your wife is gold. I told my wife approximately 2 weeks ago and her reaction was not good. I'm so happy for you!


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It's great that your wife has been so accepting. Keep in mind that for some people their initial feelings can change as the reality of it all sinks in and the hormones start to do their thing. Sounds like you're off to a great start but you should definitely do some couples counselling to smooth out any bumps that may lie ahead.

Thank you everyone for reading and your positive/supporting responses. I feel so lucky how she responded initially and even was reinforced by her words today. My wife has been so supportive the last 24 hours after hearing for the first time that her "husband" is really not what she thought. As mentioned, I am under no false impressions this will be smooth sailing. Even today she asked me if I would grow a beard for her.  LOL. I did explain to her some more of what this all means, and where it can lead, but by no means am rushing her along with this. Too much too fast will not be good and I recognize that.

As of now, I have not yet started HRT, and have not even broached the subject with her. This is something I have discussed with my therapist and my eventual objective, but will be at least a few months away still. We already have enough going on outside of my current declaration of being a woman. To be honest, even though I have known all this since I was 5, I still need my time to adjust and figure this out and fully accept it all.

I'm just happy she still loves me and was ultra supportive for the moment. This gives me hope and discussing this with a counselor is something we had actually been leading up to as my counselor already knew what was going on. I will keep everyone posted as to how this evolves in the future and keep my fingers crossed that it all goes well.

Amelia

ameliato and Summer you both are very fortunate. I wish my wife was like that. I would have transitioned a lomg time ago. I am very envious or you.

That's a bueatiful response. You have a treasure in your wife.

Good luck and blessings for the coming year.

Quote from: ameliato on December 31, 2014, 10:00:45 PM
Me: "No, I'm lesbian and want to have sex with you. I married you and want to spend the rest of my life with you just the same as I have since we got together. I just don't want to pretend to be a man anymore."

Amelia

Awesome. 

I had a similar conversation with the lady who had stolen my heart in late 1974 - she asked me to marry her in '75.  I won't say there were not some bumps other complications in the road - most small, some larger - where taking it gently, slowly and easily made all the difference in the world.  Right now, she has a lot on her plate to start sorting out where your therapy has given you a head start. 

The best is yet to come. 
Shopping
Shopping
Shopping
and holding fast to each other in a bond few others will ever experience.

Susan

Brilliant, so happy for you :-)

Too much too fast is never good, especially for the SO of a trans person.

My wife has always been somewhat supportive of me and my gender issues. Nevertheless, dropping the T-Bomb six years ago came as a shock (actually for us both. I thought I had this beat) We've had our up's and down's, before this, a lot less now. Yet there has been gallons of tears shed by us both.

I've been lucky, so far she is still here and somewhat supportive. Where I go in the future and where she will be.... we handle things one day at a time. There is a ton of other factors driving our futures beyond the trans stuff that need taking care of. I've seen a few times now over the past few years with relationships falling apart a few months to a year or so in after the T-Bomb. The SO starts out supportative and eventually I guess it all becomes all too real. In other words, not just a phase and dealing with EVERYTHING, friends, family neighbors, coworkers, kids, whatever, is overwhelming. Hell, it is! But we often have no other option

i am dealing with that now.   It has been a month since i came out to her.  she keeps saying too fast and she does not know what to think and is still trying to get over the shock.  I am on a waiting list to see a therapist.  (I would never have thought you have to wait like this to get in to see one)..   I love her and want her by my side.  I know she love me but somehow i still thinking she is hoping this is a phase or something.   I hear quite often that i do not know what kind of pain she is in.  And i agree but on the same hand she does not know what it is like to live a life of 39 years with these thoughts.   She has never really been the girly girl type.  and now that i am becoming one i know she does not know what to do or expect.  I am trying to take it slow but i do need to keep thing moving.   I can not just come out and then put everything on hold and not do anything.  If i could then why would i have bothered to come out.  So if she is accepting and willing to work with you.    Consider yourself lucky that you have a support system durning you first few steps of the journey. 


Vicky
MtF

Amazing start!

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