Hello again Caring and Enlightened,
I have heard men say that kind of thing before, the "I like/admire/respect/etc. the process you went through and it means a lot to me" thing. I don't disclose trans status irl when I meet guys until I get to know them well, but I stay on a particular trans dating site because the emails guys send me are too funny to not stay on there. I'm not out as trans on the non-trans dating sites I'm on. Anyway...here's the thing...and this might be really hard to understand, but I see it as two things. I'll give you my non-psychological perspective first. We all look for different things in mates, right? Character traits are hot to us depending on a ton of things, like you might like big butts, or girls who read Schopenhauer, or girls that have blue eyes. You might be someone who has suffered behavioral health issues and wants to date a girl who is depressed because you feel like she might relate better to you. That's what it kind of sounds like to me...like you said, part being afraid of rejection by ciswomen so you view transwomen maybe as relating to and understanding your mental health issues as a similar challenge that you faced. I don't mean similar like trans is a mental health issue, I totally don't think you are saying that at all. I hear that the perceived struggle you think many trans women face is similar to your own struggle. So there's that...
But I also think that your attachment to transwomen could lead you down a path of disappointment and sadness. As you've seen from the posts from some, many trans women don't want to be viewed as trans. They don't want someone loving them for being trans, even if in a guy's eyes that makes them super extra special awesomesauce. They transitioned, moved past it, and now need to find a life outside of that realm, you know? In some cases, the way to sum up how some trans girls feels about it is that they basically want a guy who doesn't know they are trans, doesn't know anything about trans, and probably are repulsed by them being trans, if they even know (ok, that's pushing it, but you get my point...it's a big deal). It's like I said, a lot of guys who like trans girls (I use the term to define people who were born with a gender that didn't match their chromosomes or sex or whatever), not just self-identified trans, end up loving something trans girls don't really want any part of and try to get out of as soon as possible.
So again, I wish you the best of luck. Don't let shame rule you, be honest with yourself on your journey. Make sure you bring stuff up with your therapist, if you can trust them, so you can process and work through it
Meghan
