My husband of 14 and a half years nervously came out to me a few days ago so I thought I would join the forum he got so much support from the last couple weeks and learn all I can to help support him during what must be the craziest, most confusing thing a person can go through. And also to find support for myself, mostly in how to transition along with him while maintaining a relationship with my family.
I honestly had NO idea this was coming. He told me he for sure thought he was scattering enough clues for me to piece it together... but seriously. Those weren't clues. I did notice, however, that he was a little depressed lately, but sadly depression has become a normal state and he always puts on a good front even when he is. He was diagnosed as having Type 2 Bi-polar a few years back and we have made efforts to keep his emotional state evened out, or at least try to be mindful to avoid manic periods, but by this point those haven't posed much of a recent threat.
Mostly we had resigned to him living a shadow of a life really. He is quite literally brilliant, shamming sensitive, kind, and the best dad to our 6 year old daughter I could ever hope for. I've always seen the potential to be a powerful earth shaker laying inside him and have tried numerous ways to draw it out without success. Ever since I've known him he's been pretty reclusive, non motivated (beyond the occasional short spurt), inactive, and generally showed no real sign of wanting to take care of himself beyond the basic necessities of bathing and eating. One of my biggest fantasies has been him joining me in working out or yoga, but he had always been so self-conscious and uncomfortable with his body that he wouldn't.
Just before coming out to me something shifted in him. We joined a gym and I could sense that this time was different and he was going to actually go and enjoy it! Today we went to our first yoga class together and I am blown away at the weight that coming out to me has lifted from him, in so many ways. Even the look in his eyes is different. His energy, smile, eagerness to take care of himself. It was like living with a thick, invisible barrier between us that until it is gone, we had no idea was even there. I had honestly given up the hope to experience that close intimacy I was sure exists between couples, and even though that hasn't shown it's full expression yet, I can feel it within reach and it is exciting.
Sure things are going to get interesting to say the least... and scary... and risky... but I finally feel like I have a real partner in life.
I'm sure it hasn't all settled in yet and I probably sound pretty naive even though we have considered many of the details of what this means... but what surprised me the most was my lack of surprise when he told me. And I don't mean lack as in I suspected ANYTHING like this at all, but when he said it it didn't raise any responsive emotions for me. Just question after question looking to understand. And even though it took me a few times saying it for him to start to believe it, I just want him to be something that I have never seen him truly be before - happy.
He told me he would suppress it and continue life as he had if it meant losing me, but I know this is not about me. That is not, nor could it ever be my call to make, and I can't let him do now even if he wanted to.
So, turns out I am a lesbian! Who would have thought?! (My Christian parents will be thrilled) My only requirement is that we become a hot lesbian couple that uses our immense powers for the good of mankind. And hopefully we can keep our sense of humor a midst the adversity we are sure to face.
Hope to get to know and learn from lots of you brave souls!
