Welcome to Susan's Avery.

You are an outstanding person.

Your partner is very very lucky to have you.

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Quote from: jeni on January 21, 2015, 05:11:32 PM

So it is, apparently, a coincidence that has lasted almost 20 years since we first started dating and almost 9 since we got married. I don't think it's a true coincidence, though. I think our emotional connection must be strengthened by something about my personality/attitude that stems from this. Because it is really loopy. Or, as I like to think of it, it's a storybook ending for the next generation. (I think I may have to write that storybook, though).

It is really interesting to me to hear how things like this evolve over time.  I'm not very much a believer in coincidence necessarily, at least with the bigger things (and most smaller things really).  It sounds like both our stories are rather fate like, having such rare entangled interludes that make them perfectly complimentary.  For me, thinking about that just adds to the excitement of what our lives have in store for us in this next chapter.  We've accomplished so much together with one of us being greatly hindered.  I can't wait to see our power couple dynamic in loving, full force. 

And, I would buy your story book if you wrote it, and would read it to my daughter.    

My wife of 40+ years and i spoke about our early attraction and casual dating.  We both had prior experiences that could have informed us of a queer or Bi orientation.  We concluded that much of our attraction for one another was an intuitive sense for fitting well with a mildly counter culture and far less traditional sort of relationship than we had known.  We have been pushing the envelop open since then and encourage each other to live fully and authentically and to realize our dreams.

Coincidence?  Maybe.  And maybe there is something deeper in the dance of romance that helped us to see some special potential in one another that we needed.  I needed a lot of hand holding to get free and be here today.  Forever grateful and in love with my darling.

Yes, please do write those books.

I actually used to say all the time that I mostly prefer women in terms of orientation and 99.99% prefer women for relationships, but "happened to end up with the one person in the world who was perfect for me, and [X] had a penis." Well, oops.

(I also wonder, now, if phrasing it that way was kind of prescient; she and I both sort of assumed all along that for her penis = guy, and hey, it turns out not so much.)

I occasionally used to make the tired, obnoxious joke about being a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Except it wasn't a joke!

(My wife pointed this out. Apparently I'd said something like that 20 years ago when I first told her I'd wished I'd been female. At the time she was sort of annoyed because she assumed I was just another guy with a thing for lesbians...)

I'll try not to be pushy, but seriously consider counselling. There are issues that you will run into that won't cross your mind until later. You and your now wife are going to be going through a lot of changes. Surgeries, rearrangement of how you view life and other people etc. At least you have already been in a long term relationship, and have made it this far.

Right after I transitioned, I met a girl through another transgender. So far I had only had my chest done, but where I came from, once that was done, you could legally be a male. I expected this girl to flip out. I'd only been dating her for a couple of weeks, but felt I needed to know how she would react before we got any closer. She seemed to accept it right away, and we talked all night. Two years later we were married, and seven years after that, divorced. Why? In short because she didn't really believe I was a man.

The point of me telling you that is not to make you fearful of what will happen, but rather to encourage you both to get counseling to prepare for the things that you will face ahead. Once the adrenelin rush is over, and life settles down, you may run into Dr.s who are biased, friends who have a problem with your marriage. Even if these things don't bother you personally, its hard to deal with how others may think.

I give you a lot of credit for realizing that your "husband", now your wife (actually she always was), is the same person you married and are willing to go through all the psych tests and surgeries. Those experiences can make you even closer. Kind of like going through a battle together.

Sam1234

Thank you sam1234, for your honest reply.  Going through what you did, I would have written the exact same thing.  While we are enjoying our state of euphoria for sure, we are still very aware that EVERYTHING is going to change and it's not going to be easy by any means.  Counseling is our first step and we just enrolled in an insurance plan that lists them as a preferred provider.  We're going to be as realistic and open with each other as possible.  Everything just feels so much more right.  It is strange to try to articulate, but there had always been a wall of some sort between us.  Not of distrust or even the feeling one of us was hiding anything.  Just an invisible wall that has gone.  I thought I could live with it, a state of mediocrity really, but now I finally get to chance to feel that deeper connection I have always thought could be there.  We will continue counseling likely for year and years and I look forward to that too. 

   

I might add that I'm sure the hard core realization that my husband of almost 15 years IS really a woman, not just wants to be one, will take a little time to solidify.  But I'm going to try my best, and I think I can get there

I wish you both well. Keep the lines of communication open between you.

Sam1234

Quote from: AveryAsh on February 09, 2015, 09:23:58 PM
I might add that I'm sure the hard core realization that my husband of almost 15 years IS really a woman, not just wants to be one, will take a little time to solidify.  But I'm going to try my best, and I think I can get there

You just get more awesome every time you post!

Hi AveryAsh,

What a wonderful story thank you sharing. You will be a wonderful support system through this process.

Quote from: jeni on February 10, 2015, 09:20:39 AM
You just get more awesome every time you post!

Awww...  Jennifer (or, are?) you are so awesome yourself!  You were (and still are) such an amazing support to my "husband" on here in the very beginning and I am so grateful to you for that.  Sometimes when I stop to think about how lonely and hopeless she must have felt and for how long it just makes me cry.  I wish I could have been there for her earlier somehow, but know full well that the time would not have been right.  I would not have been as ready to understand or as fearless and confident myself in standing up for her, and us, against whatever we may face.

I think I will transition to using "she" as opposed to he, at least on here.  I can't yet in daily life, but I find myself almost needing to use it when I am speaking to myself and it makes me smile and carries such a sense of joy with the idea of changing those simple yet powerful words.

 

Reading all of this just warms my heart

Hi AveryAsh and welcome to Susan's. It wonderful when couples can grow together during the transition period. Thank you for this wonderful story.