Hey, I currently live in New York, but my family is looking to move down to Florida this summer. I'm not out to anyone but my parents yet, but I really want to go stealth if we move next year. I'm fortunate enough to be able to pass, and I don't think anyone would question my gender because of my appearance. I just want to be treated like a normal kid, and I don't want to get bullied because I'm some "tr*nny".

The only problem is the legal aspect of transitioning. My birthname is still my legal name (can I change that before next year?!), my legal gender is still F, and all my documents are F also. I want to live life in peace, but unfortunately I can't do that with all these documents saying I'm female. I know that I have to have SRS before changing some of these, and there's no way I could do that before I'm 18.

What do I do? The school would see that it says female, and I would have to explain I'm transgender--I simply don't want to do that, I want to go stealth. Perhaps I could tell the school administration, but tell them not to tell the teachers nor the students. But what if they don't allow me to change it, and they force me to keep my legal name on school documents?! I can't go stealth then.

We would move to south Florida, and I know that's more accepting than the north, but I'd say it's still pretty bad. Do any of you guys have suggestions for how I could go stealth in high school? Are there any laws I can use in my case?

Oh, and, I'd like to use the boy's bathroom--but if the school knows I'm biologically female idk if they would allow that.

You can get your name changed and gender marker changed on certain documents without SRS, you're misinformed.
I'm getting it through the TLDEF and it's being paid for as well so if you live in NYC, you can get it done through them.
http://www.transgenderlegal.org/work_show.php?id=7

You can get that legal name changed anytime, you just need the forms and the money to do so (if TLDEF can't help you because of your location).
You need to be on hormones or at least have a letter with letterhead from a licensed professional (if not going on T) saying that the gender marker change is a necessary step.

Since you are under age 18, you'll need your parents' help and support for this. Also, you can't go stealth in HS without outing yourself to teachers and the principal, it's impossible unless you go in with the documents already changed. You have to tell them your concerns before school starts (or else they'll address you as your legal name) and hope they are understanding enough to make accommodations for you. Better research on LGBT friendly schools in the area you're moving to.

1. Get the process going for a name change now. Pick up the papers at a court house for an infant name change get them all filled out..will probably run you around 200$. It takes a few months so get that done.

2. Gender marker change: If you were born in NY then you DO NOT need SRS to get a gender marker change. However you either need a doctors note or a therapists (?)  (i forget but you can find it goggling around). My doctor offered to write me one and you can also find these papers at the court house.

Don't bring up the bathroom thing with your new school ie. the administration. Most likely they will shoot you down and say you cant (depends on how liberal the school is). Like you said if you pass often just go in and use it and leave.

Even if your gender marker doesn't get changed you really don't have to worry about teachers calling you 'her' as you said you pass and there isnt a gender marker next to your name in the attendce role . The only problem would be if you are required to take a gym class which in that case you would be put into the 'female' gym class. So you would have to either work something out with the gym teacher or get switched over to the guys.

Quote from: DragonBeer on January 27, 2015, 01:36:18 PM
You can get your name changed and gender marker changed on certain documents without SRS, you're misinformed.
I'm getting it through the TLDEF and it's being paid for as well so if you live in NYC, you can get it done through them.
http://www.transgenderlegal.org/work_show.php?id=7

You can get that legal name changed anytime, you just need the forms and the money to do so (if TLDEF can't help you because of your location).
You need to be on hormones or at least have a letter with letterhead from a licensed professional (if not going on T) saying that the gender marker change is a necessary step.

Since you are under age 18, you'll need your parents' help and support for this. Also, you can't go stealth in HS without outing yourself to teachers and the principal, it's impossible unless you go in with the documents already changed. You have to tell them your concerns before school starts (or else they'll address you as your legal name) and hope they are understanding enough to make accommodations for you. Better research on LGBT friendly schools in the area you're moving to.

Thanks.

So if I get my legal name changed before going to school next year, will I be able to apply with that name, and will the school be able to access my birth name?

Quote1. Get the process going for a name change now. Pick up the papers at a court house for an infant name change get them all filled out..will probably run you around 200$. It takes a few months so get that done.

2. Gender marker change: If you were born in NY then you DO NOT need SRS to get a gender marker change. However you either need a doctors note or a therapists (?)  (i forget but you can find it goggling around). My doctor offered to write me one and you can also find these papers at the court house.

Don't bring up the bathroom thing with your new school ie. the administration. Most likely they will shoot you down and say you cant (depends on how liberal the school is). Like you said if you pass often just go in and use it and leave.

Even if your gender marker doesn't get changed you really don't have to worry about teachers calling you 'her' as you said you pass and there isnt a gender marker next to your name in the attendce role . The only problem would be if you are required to take a gym class which in that case you would be put into the 'female' gym class. So you would have to either work something out with the gym teacher or get switched over to the guys.

Thanks.

I'll try to get the process for name change rolling now, and chances are I could change that before school next year.

So, even if I move to Florida, because I was born in NY (born in NYC actually) all I need is a therapist or doctor's note for a legal gender change? How fast do you suppose I could get that changed? I figure not before next year, but does it take a while?

Hopefully I go to a school with a co-ed gym--my school's gym is like that rn. If not, I could laugh that my gender was "mistakenly" put as female with my friends, say it must have been a mistake when applying for the school, and go to the school to fix it. I'd try to shake it off as a mistake.

Oh, and what if the administration brings the bathroom thing up? I wouldn't mention it myself, but I'm sure they'd think about it. I'll just convince my parents to move to a LGBT-friendly area I guess...

It will again probably take a few months for the gender marker to change. I would submit the papers before you move and have it all done again. Gender marker depends on your birth state and must be done in YOUR birth state so you would have to go back to NY to sign papers with your parents if you do the gender marker late.

I also recommend finding a LGB(T) gender therapist or a trans friendly doctor and ask them about a paper for a gender marker change. Maybe email around or do some phone calls, with your parents permission of course. Often a therapist or doctor would want to see you a few times before giving you one.

If both your parents are okay with everything it shouldn't be a problem getting both of those changes done before a year goes by.

If the admins bring up the bathroom thing well you can say you will use the bathroom that corresponds to your gender and if they debate you just say okay and use the bathroom you want anyways. They aren't going to watch you and often times the administration isn't present during school. (usually hidden away in their offices and such) 

maiLMan, you have a lot going for you, your parents accept and want to help you.  I would get your name changed as quickly as you can, then your school records and everything will be in your new male name, making it much easier to be stealth at your new school.  You say you can pass easily great for you. Are you planning on starting t before you move? Gym class will probably be a big problem, I don't know how gym classes are handled in Florida, how many semesters of gym is required, what alternatives there are, co-ed, etc?  Some school only require 4 or 6 semesters and/or a;;ow band and other activities to count as gym credits.  Most all high school that I have been in have open locker/changing area so you would have a very difficult time changing in them, also most have one large shower area no individual showers in the boys area either, so that would be a problem.  You could possibly get a dr note to be excused from gym.  Using the men's restroom could workout fine, if you pass and have your name changed when you enroll.  I use the men's at my university with no problem at all, I am pre-t but pass very well.  I hope for the best for you, keep us informed on how everything goes.

Yeah lol I probably would just use the boy's bathroom anyways.

For gym idk, I guess I just have to see how it plays out. I'm also looking to join the school's football and baseball teams, and this probably means changing in the boy's locker room. Maybe there are bathroom stalls I could change in or something. Again, I'll just see how it all plays out.

mailman, it looks like you got some good answers here, but you may also want to post a thread in the "youth" section as there may be people there who have already (and more recently), navigated this at their high school.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,496.0.html

Good luck.

Quote from: maiLMan on January 27, 2015, 04:54:24 PM
Yeah lol I probably would just use the boy's bathroom anyways.

For gym idk, I guess I just have to see how it plays out. I'm also looking to join the school's football and baseball teams, and this probably means changing in the boy's locker room. Maybe there are bathroom stalls I could change in or something. Again, I'll just see how it all plays out.

As a highschooler everything else might work depending on how liberal they are down there, You might get away with bathrooms but boys lockerooms they most likely will not let you change in there because you would get outed and its not safe.

Wait, nevermind--my dad won't let me change my legal name or legal gender because "I'm too young to make this decision".

He gave me the same reason for T, and that's why I can't start it before 18. I really did think he would at least allow me to change my legal name and gender, but I guess he's the same a-hole he always is... :/

...and now it would be 1000% harder to go stealth.

i shouldn't even bother going stealth at this point, but all i freaking wanted was to live a normal life, and my dad just has to go and ruin that

Quote from: maiLMan on January 27, 2015, 07:59:58 PM
...and now it would be 1000% harder to go stealth.

i shouldn't even bother going stealth at this point, but all i freaking wanted was to live a normal life, and my dad just has to go and ruin that

I am not stealth and live a normal life at school no one questions me, all my teachers know and the administrations couselors and principles and my name is not even legally changed yet and I am not on hormones so don't think your life won't be normal because of it.

But I might be moving to Florida, and it's not that LGBT-friendly down there. I could be bullied A LOT for it...

Quote from: maiLMan on January 27, 2015, 08:37:57 PM
But I might be moving to Florida, and it's not that LGBT-friendly down there. I could be bullied A LOT for it...

Well man people will always find something negative to say about you but I realize me not giving a damn made people respect me and because alot of people have changed there views about me, it also made me stronger as a person.

My parents sounded exactly like yours! I was too young for this and I didnt have enough experience in life to be making such big decisions  I also moved high schools so that I was able to attend as stealth back in 2010. My name hadnt been legally changed but I told the admin about my situation and they made sure to use a preferred name where possible. For some reason the reports cards had to be under my legal name, and so in the end my teachers had to know my secret as well but I was able to remain stealth to all of my class mates and still not a single one knows! I wouldnt give up on the idea just because you cant get your name changed. I think schools are becoming a lot more accepting of this sort of thing as well  

Quote from: harlee on January 28, 2015, 02:13:44 AM
My parents sounded exactly like yours! I was too young for this and I didnt have enough experience in life to be making such big decisions  I also moved high schools so that I was able to attend as stealth back in 2010. My name hadnt been legally changed but I told the admin about my situation and they made sure to use a preferred name where possible. For some reason the reports cards had to be under my legal name, and so in the end my teachers had to know my secret as well but I was able to remain stealth to all of my class mates and still not a single one knows! I wouldnt give up on the idea just because you cant get your name changed. I think schools are becoming a lot more accepting of this sort of thing as well

Thats still not safe I am out to most and only stealth to some, you still got some crazy people out there just saying.

Quote from: maiLMan on January 27, 2015, 07:55:08 PM
Wait, nevermind--my dad won't let me change my legal name or legal gender because "I'm too young to make this decision".

He gave me the same reason for T, and that's why I can't start it before 18. I really did think he would at least allow me to change my legal name and gender, but I guess he's the same a-hole he always is... :/

Educate them about it, don't do the same mistake I did. I wanted to start while in high school but my mother was ignorant about transgenders, thought it would cost too much, that I was too young, would harm my health etc..and she only kept getting more ignorant opinions from ignorant ppl about the subject of transgenders.  You're never "Too young" to know who you are. I am 20 now and wish I had started T younger or at least had taken Hormone blockers..

Quote from: Brandon on January 28, 2015, 06:30:45 AM

Thats still not safe I am out to most and only stealth to some, you still got some crazy people out there just saying.

If he wants to be stealth to everyone that is totally his right.  Saying it's not safe to be stealth cause there are still "some crazy people" out there, sounds an awful lot like you would blame a trans person for being attacked by someone who didn't know they were trans but later found out.

OP, educating your parents is the best you can do.  Show them instances of people who transitioned as teens and lead fulfilled lives. 

Quote from: aross1015 on January 28, 2015, 11:32:09 AM
If he wants to be stealth to everyone that is totally his right.  Saying it's not safe to be stealth cause there are still "some crazy people" out there, sounds an awful lot like you would blame a trans person for being attacked by someone who didn't know they were trans but later found out.

OP, educating your parents is the best you can do.  Show them instances of people who transitioned as teens and lead fulfilled lives.

Man I am just keeping it real not veryone is accepting of that stuff I lucked out,  you got it all twisted, there are crazy people out there who do crazy things its life where you been at no one said its are fault, read between the lines next time. You have alot of ignorant people out there.