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That's a man!

Started by DanielleA, January 28, 2015, 11:43:06 PM

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DanielleA

Hi everyone, I have just made this topic to vent a little.
( background ) My friend and I were previously at a cheap shop and where going through the checkout were an older lady had said " you're a good boy" then the lady slapped me on the ass.

After a couple of hours my friend and I parked the car then began walking over to Aldi's (a shop for anyone who doesn't know) when a younger lady that works at the checkout from the cheap shop stopped to talk. She asked me why I didn't correct the old lady then proceeded to ask whether I was male or female. But before I could reply, my socalled "friend" said THAT'S A MAN! and began aggressively telling this checkout chick all my unfeminine faults. If the conversation had of continued even longer I would have had a panic attack (it felt like I was building up to that). In the end the checkout chic said that I wasn't a woman unless I have had the chop... Usually I am fine in confrontation but I felt so helpless and my socalled "friend" wasn't there for me.

I so far haven't spoken to my friend since voicing my distaste about her when it happened yesterday.



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Cindy

There are many ways to describe your 'friend'. Friend is not one of them. I would drop that jerk ASAP.

You have no reason to have GRS to be a woman.

I can assure you that I am all woman, and I have not had surgery.
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stephaniec

Quote from: Cindy on January 29, 2015, 12:33:29 AM
There are many ways to describe your 'friend'. Friend is not one of them. I would drop that jerk ASAP.

You have no reason to have GRS to be a woman.

I can assure you that I am all woman, and I have not had surgery.
ditto
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DanielleA

I am beyond pissed off with her but I guess it is a good learning experience. This is what it is like to be outed and I won't be trusting her again.
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Cindy

As for someone slapping you on the ass, that is common assault and a reportable offence as it was done to a female possibly even sexual assault.
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mmmmm

I think you need a new friend. As for the dirty old lady and the checkout chick, they can just go **** themselves !
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ChiGirl

wow!  [emoji46]  What a lousy thing for a "friend" to do.  Yeah, I guess you can chalk it up to a learning experience.  I can't imagine how that felt.  So sorry.  Hugs!
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katrinaw

I feel for you Danielle, that was like shooting you twice, agree with the others... She ain't no friend !
Head up, regain your composure and push on...

xoxoxo

L Katy  :-*
Long term MTF in transition... HRT since ~ 2003...
Journey recommenced Sept 2015  :eusa_clap:... planning FT 2016  :eusa_pray:

Randomly changing 'Katy PIC's'

Live life, embrace life and love life xxx
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Sabrina

I have to agree with the collective. If that individual knew you and your history and still was disrespectful, you have no reason to associate yourself with them. I'm a firm believer in the "Golden Rule" and that person (not heeding the rule) will get what's coming to them. Putting on my proverbial prophet hat, I can see that less than good things are in their future. You on the other hand, I see great and wonderful things.
- Sabrina

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Jayne

Big hugs to you from me & Poopie :)
Unfortunately when you come out you sometimes find yourself having to cut some "friends" from your life, I never had a problem with those that were upfront about being uncomfortable with me being trans, at least they were honest.
You've been honest about being trans and you deserve that level of respect returned.

If I was in your shoes I'd probably have smaller feet (sorry, couldn't resist that), if I was in your shoes I'd give this person a piece of my mind before ending the friendship by walking out before she has a chance to reply....always make your exit memorable ;)
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suzifrommd

Hugs. That person is no friend of yours.

I'm sick of the attitude that someone isn't a woman until she's had her self sliced up. That's a personal decision, not a criterion for admission into the female gender.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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ImagineKate

Someone slapping me on the ass would likely be on the wrong end of a police cruiser in short order. I don't take assault very well. Sexual harassment even worse.

As for your "friend" well you know you have one less now.

SRS doesn't make your gender. Only you can make that determination.
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Miharu Barbie

Hi Danielle.  I'm going to add my voice in support of you making the tough decision of letting this unsupportive friendship die.

I can tell you that in my first year of transition, I had what I thought was a close friend who behaved in a similar way.  We were in a bar where I was doing her a favor, dropping her off at her boyfriend's house.  The bartender began flirting with me, and this "friend" out of the blue said to the bartender, "That's a dude."  The bartender said, "Oh", looked me up and down, and soon ended up in the corner with my friend flirting and laughing with her. 

At the time I wondered if she was motivated by jealousy, that he was flirting with me and not with her (even though she had a boyfriend), but the bottom line is it doesn't matter why she said what she said.  What matters is that she was completely disrespectful of me, and that I have enough self respect to exclude disrespectful people from my social circle.

It has been over 15 years, and I have not missed that friend, not even a little bit.

Be excellent to yourself!
Miharu
FEAR IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!


HRT:                         June 1998
Full Time For Good:     November 1998
Never Looking Back:  Now!
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mac1

Quote from: DanielleA on January 29, 2015, 01:45:37 AM
I am beyond pissed off with her but I guess it is a good learning experience. This is what it is like to be outed and I won't be trusting her again.
good decision
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HoneyStrums

I think this thread might of been more aptly titled, "socalled friend" because after reading your post, it seames that is where the lager part of your hurt is comming from.

THAT'S A MAN exsperiences is somthing we should go into transition exspecting. But hearing it from a friend isn't. I can't give you advise on dealing with the "that's a man exsperiences except (its going to happen) but I focus on the people as people, and it the same sorts of people that call people fat, midget, freak, bitch, homo and anybody any insult relating to people that falls outside or their preconception a normal. And once I understood that 'that's a man" becomes just another thing un-desirable people say.

But the friend thing though that just gets me vexed. How can a person who calles themself a friend do this to you (I'm assuming they know how you feel about being called anything male?). I mean even if they didn't see you as a woman, a teue freind that know how you feel about it still wouldn't call you a man.

I know I have friends that can't fathom it and I know for them reffering to me as femail is uncomfatable, so I don't ask or exspect it from them. I just ask them not to call me male. So 'they" is the majority and considering I no longer answer to my old name many now just use my new name.

Point is, if your friend knows how being called a man makes you feel, they won't call you one, exspecially on perpose. What this person did was completelly uncarring, which in my book doeasnt place them in the friend catagory, why? Because friend care about each other.

I knid of went off on a rant myself their. In a lot of ways, this person (socalled friend) is worse then the complatte stranger saying it, even without listing off your fualts.

Just try and remember babe, just because somebody clasiffies a perticuler behavour, style or appearece as male/female its doesn't mean it actually is. Why? All the girls in my family play vedio games, and their a boy thing. Does my sister give games? No. Point is people are different and you just simply cannot catogories humanity for that very reason, and the moment people try tooN they will somewhere be causing somboody somewhere an in-justice.

Your alowed to be yourself. And if that means being hurt at being called male your entitled to it. A TRUE freind WILL acomodate your feelings by not doing somthing they know hurts you.

Try and focuse and the woman that asked why you didn't correct the older lady. She atleast tried to understand your perspective, as invasive as being asked if your a male or female feels. I find that situations like this one give me an opertunity to exsplain my situation to them. My usual responce when asked if I'm male or female is "unfortunatelly that depends on who you ask to be honest" that as open as I can be without forcing somthing they might not be awaer of into their ears lol.

Just trying to say, as long as that person wasn't rude to you in anyway, the exsperience wasn't all bad. Chin up girl.
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Newgirl Dani

Hi Danielle,

Sorry you had to experience that kind of thing, ABSOULTELY DREADFUL BEHAVIOR!  Somewhere on here I have a post that describes a situation involving a 'so called friend' that reached when I was not expecting it and did the quick grab of the boob move.  I made a special trip back to his and his girlfriends house the next day to say I would NEVER come back, and left (leaving him to explain to his cis female girlfriend, what the heck it was about.)   Dani
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lilredneckgirl

CHit  happens,  it  comes  with  the  terratory.    chances  are,  there  isnt  a  person here  that  hasnt  been  sucker  punched  by  some  "  friend  or  aquaintance's"  comment. 
  you  have  a choice  of  who  to  assoicate with. 
  past  that,  suck  it  up,  and  move  on.  it  wasnt  the  first  time,  and assuradly,  it  wont  be  the  last.  you never  get  used  to  it,  but  you  MUST  get  over  it. 
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