Oh wow, about "passing"...
May I recommend a little experiment?
I suggest that anyone worried about passing go to these three places and wander around, looking at women. ALL of the women. Older, younger, heavier, thinner, tall, short. All of them. Look at those faces, hairlines in particular too especially of older women, etc.
- Your local mall
- Your local grocery store
- A busy movie theater
Just go. And look at the women there. I've seen some really "male" looking women before who were trans. And I will make the comment that, in some ways, the older we get, the easier transitioning might be for some of us.
I place the following things as critical to passing.
- Facial hair removal. This is huge. Getting rid of that shadow is an immediate visual cue that tells the observer "male".
- Voice. Yes, deal with that voice, ladies. Training, surgery, whatever it takes, you need to feminize your voice. And it can still be a "low" female voice but be clearly feminine.
- Face. This is where FFS comes in and there are enough excellent FFS surgeons on the planet that I simply cannot believe that someone can't find the right surgeon for their face.
- Body shape and weight. Lose the man gut.
Regarding FFS, here's LizMarie's "guideline" about FFS. The majority of transwomen do not really need FFS to pass but at the same time, almost every transwoman will benefit from FFS.
I've seen lots and lots of before and after FFS photos, and frankly, from the photos, most of those women appear to pass before. Maybe not stunningly or beautifully, but they often pass. Yet at the same time, doing FFS can remove small tell-tale issues that not only might bring external attention but that
might cause personal self-doubt about your own presentation. And as I've found myself, over and over, it's when I've doubted myself that I've gotten clocked.
So I am an advocate for FFS if you think you want it, because I think it's good for you as well as those looking at you. Your own sense of self-confidence is critical to you accepting yourself, which is critical to others accepting you.
As to Stephanie's original question, I can only answer for myself. I was caught planning my suicide in such a way as to make it look like an accident and urged by that very dear friend to get help. I was at the edge of the precipice and turned back. And when I turned back there were just two paths. One path led back to the precipice. The other path, transitioning, led away to a new life. I chose the path of transitioning because I decided I wanted to live, not die.
