The answer to your question is this? Does it matter? Go live your life and don't worry. You know who you are, and that's all that matters. What would you be hoping for? Be invited out with some girlfriends for bra fittings, sex toy parties or something? Even though I have had all kinds of facial surgery that I am sure has impacted my quality of life, I can see now many years later that I don't really think it matters. With enough time, hormones and living in one's new gender, blending in is possible. I have seen others who only did srs and are living happy fulfilling lives, just flitting around the world doing their own thing. Live your life and never for one second waste a single brain cell wondering what the next person thinks about you, because it's probably not what you are going to be thinking anyways.

Seriously, I don't read minds and have no clue what people are really thinking, but the day I stopped worrying about it, there was a marked change in my outlook and demeanor.  As far as I was concerned, I was just like every other woman out there.  I passed to myself, and that was all that mattered.  That was almost two years ago.

Sometimes people are speechless when I tell them I'm trans now, and they can't all be great actors and liars, right?

I will second this, last night when I was doing my grocery shopping in almost dude mode. I had a bit of make up but wearing pretty andro winter coat and a snow boot when to my surprise even up close the cashier addressed me as ma'am and miss. Even today, when I was waiting for my food at our cafeteria the waitress even asked me "are you Jen?" This happened when I am not giving any effort at all.

Stop worrying about passing Andro and just live your life. You are beautiful end of discussion

Quote from: ImagineKate on February 03, 2015, 10:08:05 AM
The less you worry about passing the more you will pass.

I am probably less concerned with passing than many here. I want all the femininity that I feel inside to be seen on the outside, but I will not blend in just for the sake of blending in. I am very tall, and the sound advice would be to avoid heels, but I absolutely love heels. And my fashion choices don't suggest that I want to get lost in a crowd. I have spent my entire life feeling invisible as a male. I won't to be that way as a female. I didn't destroy my entire life, not to build the new one exactly as I feel is authentic. 

I had an experience recently worth repeating. I do community counselling and I meet most of the girls at a coffee shop that I like. I also go there alone for the killer hot chocolate they make.

Some of the girls present in male mode, some as female.

The manageress came to my table when I was alone and asked if she could talk to me. Of course I said yes.

She said she was so happy that I felt comfortable bringing transgender women to her place, and wanted to tell me that if any customers ever gave my 'clients' any grief to let any staff member know and they would deal with it.

She then asked how I got involved in this counselling?  I told her I was a transgender woman who wanted to help her sisters. Her shock was total and obvious.

I asked why she was so surprised?  You are so natural and obviously female, you are just a normal woman!  I never knew, OMG moment was all over her.  So why do the girls I bring look trans? I asked?

Well some are physically obvious, but they are all so nervous. They don't fit in with other women.

So maybe confidence and confidence are valid reasons? Yes I said confidence twice!

Just my recent experience, oh and I got a free hot dark chocolate. Mmmm,mmmm

I had one of those moments a few days ago; there was a look of shcok on the girl's face when I mentioned it, it must have been there for three or four seconds!  I love those moments-although I don't think I'll be able to rest until nobody can tell.

I don't pass but if I was to say from your photo (it's all I've got to go on  ) then I'd say you're doing fine.

All the advice here is great, maybe a change of perspective would help.
If you go to your town centre on a Saturday then you could easily pass 200 people, out of all of them how many of them bother to look at you? 10? - 30? 
Some of them will be after your loose change for their bucket or hat. Some will be trying to avoid bumping into you. Others will either be admiring your clothes (or slating them). None of them will give your gender a seconds thought...
That's probably whittled it down to 3 - 5 , out of them one will be thinking of a scam to bleed cash from you, how many strangers are left??

Now that I've typed all that do you really care what 1 or 2 random strangers think anyway 

Quote from: Jayne on February 06, 2015, 07:45:40 AM
I don't pass but if I was to say from your photo (it's all I've got to go on  ) then I'd say you're doing fine.

All the advice here is great, maybe a change of perspective would help.
If you go to your town centre on a Saturday then you could easily pass 200 people, out of all of them how many of them bother to look at you? 10? - 30? 
Some of them will be after your loose change for their bucket or hat. Some will be trying to avoid bumping into you. Others will either be admiring your clothes (or slating them). None of them will give your gender a seconds thought...
That's probably whittled it down to 3 - 5 , out of them one will be thinking of a scam to bleed cash from you, how many strangers are left??

Now that I've typed all that do you really care what 1 or 2 random strangers think anyway 

Poopie as ever tells the truth!

Quote from: Cindy on February 06, 2015, 06:51:00 AM
oh and I got a free hot dark chocolate. Mmmm,mmmm

From Your lips straight to Your hips. Uhuh.

Quote from: Cindy on February 06, 2015, 07:48:10 AM
Poopie as ever tells the truth!

It's just a matter of asking the right questions.

Or as they say on Babylon 5, it's all a matter of perspective.

Take yer pick

Quote from: Zumbagirl on February 04, 2015, 08:41:59 PM
The answer to your question is this? Does it matter? Go live your life and don't worry. You know who you are, and that's all that matters. What would you be hoping for? Be invited out with some girlfriends for bra fittings, sex toy parties or something? Even though I have had all kinds of facial surgery that I am sure has impacted my quality of life, I can see now many years later that I don't really think it matters. With enough time, hormones and living in one's new gender, blending in is possible. I have seen others who only did srs and are living happy fulfilling lives, just flitting around the world doing their own thing. Live your life and never for one second waste a single brain cell wondering what the next person thinks about you, because it's probably not what you are going to be thinking anyways.

Yes. That is also my conclusion. Passing is meaningless to me. All of my friends, students and colleagues who I interact with everyday know who I am, and those are the people who are most important to me, together with my family.

Of course, strangers in the street recognize me as a woman at first, but sometimes I intentionally reveal my manly voice to repel those too strong stares from unpleasant redneck-like men. They immediately turn their head.

Regarding stare, everyday I attract attentions of both women and men, whether I am in my hometown or in other countries.
It is my destiny. I sometimes can enjoy it. I like women's stare, and hate men's.



barbie~~

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 03, 2015, 09:57:33 AM
Only one guy has ever come onto me, and that was six months ago.  I can't tell if it's because I'm ugly or I look like a man...
[/quote

Honey, you're very pretty. So stop doubting yourself. 

hugs.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 06, 2015, 07:30:22 AM
I had one of those moments a few days ago; there was a look of shcok on the girl's face when I mentioned it, it must have been there for three or four seconds!  I love those moments-although I don't think I'll be able to rest until nobody can tell.

I mean, that's a pretty high bar for most trans girls. I will rest once I don't give a crap anymore which is like now.

Don't any of you worry about the long-term consequences of being unable to pass though?  Worrying about people on the street is pretty pointless (unless they want to kill me), but what about finding a job or getting passed up for a promotion?  What about finding a romantic partner you actually like (as opposed to dating people you dislike because they're all you can get, like I'm doing now)? 

Personally, I do hate it when people stare, but that's not what really bothers me, what bothers me is what those stares imply: That this is going to follow me around for the rest of my life, that I am male and my body is male (they see me as such), and that my quality of life is never going to be a good one because people will always treat me badly.  It is a fact that if you are visibly trans, your life is going to be lonelier, less prosperous, and more dangerous than if you are able to pass.  Just look at the suicide statistics for people who aren't visible vs people who are.  I know it's hard to admit the importance of something many of us are never able to do, but we live in a hostile world, and passing may be the only way to have a good life in it.

You might be surprised how female you are.  I don't have a great opinion on my passability within 20 feet but last week I had to go out as a guy through an airport (don't ask) and I was read more than a few times as a woman.  That's in baggy jeans, baggy shirts, hooded leather coat and a baseball cap on.  Other than shaving my head and putting a fake beard on I can't man it up much more. 
The point is, if people read you as female when you are going as a guy then think how it is when you are out as a woman.  Looking at your pic I'd have to believe that you would easily be read female while trying to pass as male. 

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on February 06, 2015, 10:00:57 AM
I know it's hard to admit the importance of something many of us are never able to do, but we live in a hostile world, and passing may be the only way to have a good life in it.

I was delaying the start of my transition for 10 years (14-24), because of not being 100% shure that I can be seen only and only as cis female. Once I finally realized how silly I was, all my imaginary problems and barriers I forced in my head quickly faded away, and I was able to start with my transition. So yes, being passable to the level of being seen only as cis, was the most important thing for me. Living a life of hiding myself, or going around scared or uncomfortable, or worrying about anyone starring at me because I'm trans, or get treated badly anyhow because of that, was not an option. 

And did you manage it?  How did you manage it?

I'm lucky to say I had a really smooth transition.. If I only knew that years before, instead of putting myself down all the time and imagining countless reasons for why I can't or I shouldn't. FFS was the icing on a cake, mainly just for me to be happy other than for anything else. The biggest issue were and still are my make-up skills, as I seem to be more happy and more confident without any make-up, and I still lack a lot of practice.

I was afraid you'd say that, since I'm never going to be able to afford ffs. 

Some of the problem is that "passing" has different meanings to different people.  For me as long as I can fit someone on the cis-gender female spectrum, that is passing.  I do need to spend time here and there where I can reflect and observe how vastly broad the cis-gender spectrum is.  I need to keep it in perspective, because it is easy to compare oneself to the idle model of beauty, or even just average.  I see this as a problem all women struggle with and not just trans women.

In terms of jobs and relationships, I feel that confidence and self esteem matter much more than looks.  People very quickly pick of self doubt.  The opposite is true as well.  People are attracted to confidence.  That is not easy to change, but faking self confidence is the path to real confidence.

As other have said.  From your various profile photos, I think your hot, and I would never guess you are trans.  And I am not lying about that.