I'mmmmmm coming out (that's a song, right?)

Well, it seems that way. I am coming out to all my closest people. And they view it really as no big deal.

Work is well on its way.

Changes are happening. I go out as a woman pretty much all the time now, except that I haven't left the house in a dress or skirt yet (I'll do that soon).

So when does it just not become a big deal, and you just don't come out anymore? I mean you just live as a woman (or a man, or a ?) like it's no big deal?

Short answer: When your brain flips that switch. 

Hugs, Devlyn

On March 21, 2013, two months to the day that I started on estrogen, I had my epiphany.  I had been out presenting female only a handful of times, and never had gone to my "usual places" in full blown girl mode.  Andro, yes. "Guyliner", yes.  Dress, uhh... no.  Why?  I didn't think I was "ready" to go there.

I woke up that morning, got a nice close shave, used the pink body wash, took my estrogen and put on leggings, a cute little skirt and silk top.   I went to make coffee and realized that we were almost out of milk.  And yogurt.  And eggs.  And, crap- looks like I have to go to the usual grocery store... where everyone knows me.

I took off the girly getup and put on a pair of nice jeans that were suddenly tighter in the butt and a slim-fit Armani dress shirt.  My growing, hardened nipples were pretty much sticking right out.  I felt absolutely ridiculous blatantly trying to impersonate a guy that day.   I felt like I was absolutely betraying myself by still trying (and failing worse by the day) to be this person that I was expected to be.  On the way home, I shed a few tears and asked myself why it was that I was still doing this.  The reasoning was that for some reason I still thought I cared about what people would think of me if I suddenly showed up as a woman.

Screw that.  Or, like they say in Thailand, "Phuket!"  That was the last time I wore men's clothes in public.  I was much more comfortable presenting female than male by then, and it was how things were going to be eventually anyway.   I promised myself that I could always go back if I really had to, depending on the situation, but I never did.   This is how I stumbled into going full time.   I went everywhere I always did, turned more than a few heads, answered a lot of questions (some good, some dumb), and that was that.  I just couldn't take it anymore, so I jumped in the deep end with both feet and didn't look back.

It was a short period of time after I accepted that I am a transsexual while sitting on my therapist's couch. I turned that acceptance over and over in my mind thinking about it and I finally said the same word that Jill said. My girl clothes came out of the cardboard box and got hung in the closet which really made my wife happy (not!) but I just no longer cared. I started going out more and more even with her in the house (she refused to see me en femme but I no longer cared). My wife finalized her plans to leave me (which had been coming for a long time), and after she left me it really ramped up, to the point that my therapist and I began planning my coming out at work. By then I was full time everywhere but at work.

I had accepted the real me and like Jill I was ready to get on with it. The gender and name change happened, and then the coming out at work and at college happened. TADA! 

Quote from: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 02:33:27 PM
I'mmmmmm coming out (that's a song, right?)

Diana Ross, if my memory is correct. It's a Disco classic I used to skate to.   

I've yet to start the electrolysis and hormones, but I can't wait to be just me full time.

-Alana

I made the flip when I was comfortable too which was early on. I held on to the guy clothes a little bit longer than that, but not by much getting rid of hem after a therapy session one day.
Mariah

Interesting question !!

I only came out to 2 persons and a half (not half a person of course, I just didn't entirely came out) and I'm already sick of it. All went right but I just can't stand having that sort of conversation. And I can't imagine coming out at work...

Quote from: Eva Marie on January 13, 2015, 07:46:49 PM
It was a short period of time after I accepted that I am a transsexual while sitting on my therapist's couch. I turned that acceptance over and over in my mind thinking about it and I finally said the same word that Jill said. My girl clothes came out of the cardboard box and got hung in the closet which really made my wife happy (not!) but I just no longer cared. I started going out more and more even with her in the house (she refused to see me en femme but I no longer cared). My wife finalized her plans to leave me (which had been coming for a long time), and after she left me it really ramped up, to the point that my therapist and I began planning my coming out at work. By then I was full time everywhere but at work.

I had accepted the real me and like Jill I was ready to get on with it. The gender and name change happened, and then the coming out at work and at college happened. TADA! 

I'm FT everywhere except work right now, however I have been avoiding a lot of people I haven't come out to yet. That is going to change soon.

I just woke up one morning a short time ago and realized I'm in

Yes, good question Kate.  I guess it is, once again, an individual right of self determination and identity.  Coming out implies that others do not or may not know who we are.  How open do we want to be and in what circumstances?  Like many queer people we may appear to be a straight or cisgender person unless we choose to tell someone otherwise.  There are plenty of legitimate reasons for making a choice about that.

It seems this question has been posed here in other ways many times.  I appreciate the diversity of opinions and choices about such a personal disclosure.  It sure is fun and easy to just blend in and not deal with those questioning looks and remarks for those who pass well.  I figure I don't pass as my default truth and therefore feel ready to deal with coming out for the rest of my life.  And that is OK for me.  I won't be surprised when the next kid innocently asks if I am a girl or boy.  I also know cisgender people who get asked that same question.

There are times that disclosure can get tiring and I feel my transition is continuing without any expectations for a clear sense that I have arrived or cool, that's done now.  Knowing some longer term trans people I am happy to also conclude that it does get better with time and perhaps the need to "come out" becomes easier and more episodic rather an every day occurrence.

My earlier coming out efforts often included crying and fear of rejection, but not anymore.  I am proud to have worked through it and feel the light of day.  The truth can set us free.

I honestly don't know where I will be on the passability scale but my therapist seems to think I will do well especially when I get the voice and facial hair addressed properly. But either way I'm prepared to hold my head up and bear it. There are always some people who will question.

I can't wait for the day that I can just start calling myself Andrew in day to day life. Yeah, sure there'll be questions from some people but I can handle that much better than I can cope with continually hiding who I am. Just need to come out to my family then I won't be denying anything any more.

The wardrobe point is interesting. Was sorting out some of my stuff yesterday and noticed that I've now got far more male clothes than female. Most of my stuff was quite uni-sex any way really I suppose - but it just feels better knowing you've bought something from the men's section. I don't feel the need to hide the clothes away any more, like I did before.

I was guilty of dressing androgynous for a while, then I read a post that really inspired me on here.

The person said, they got more strange looks in androgynous clothes than ever did as a full on female.

That is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo incredibly true for me.

That spurred me into action. The day I stopped worrying about every little interaction, hmm, I am a year in now, and still some things make me uncomfortable. Like going out with no makeup over my facial hair is still not happening. I have missed important stuff because of that standard.

In the end, I don't think there is ever a specific moment of enough. There will be struggles after you are a year in (like me) and struggles after SRS and struggles in 10 years.

Here is a quote that really put a lot into perspective for me.

Yep. I still don't wear dresses/skirts in public (except outside my house) but I wear unmistakably feminine clothing. I don't even get as much as a second look anymore, unless I say something in a lower voice.

Don't be afraid Kate.

Most of these mental hurdles we put inside of our own heads. A girl wearing a skirt is no different than a girl not. If you took the leap to go as far as you have, then it should not be difficult to go the rest of the way. Once you are comfortable in anything, you will have freedom. Society doesn't differentiate woman in pants vs skirts and won't differentiate transwoman in skirts vs pants neither.
If you are worried about tucking,
http://www.ebay.com/usr/epiphany.jones?_trksid=p2059210.m2749.l2754
Super cheap versatile Gaffs for transwomen made by transwomen. Wear over panties as they are tight and can rub till they blister without (sorry for the tmi, but yeah, I had to learn that lesson myself)

My intent is not to force you into something too uncomfortable, but it would be nice to help someone over the fears I myself went through. People who judge you already will continue to do so regardless, and people who wouldn't still wouldn't. It won't make or break your interactions. I am here if you need support

Tessa James

I love your outfit in the pic. Always nice to see someone with some color!

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 13, 2015, 02:51:55 PM
Short answer: When your brain flips that switch. 

Hugs, Devlyn

I wish it could be like that for me but my experience was that I stopped coming out when strangers stopped assuming I was female. When I can just be a man without asterisks then I don't out myself unless it feels important.

Quote from: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 02:33:27 PM
I'mmmmmm coming out (that's a song, right?)

Well, it seems that way. I am coming out to all my closest people. And they view it really as no big deal.

Work is well on its way.

Changes are happening. I go out as a woman pretty much all the time now, except that I haven't left the house in a dress or skirt yet (I'll do that soon).

So when does it just not become a big deal, and you just don't come out anymore? I mean you just live as a woman (or a man, or a ?) like it's no big deal?

For me there's was no specific moment where it was like it became no big deal, it just came on at some point. If I were to pin point it then, it would probably have to be when I saw myself as my female self without seeing that "guy" in the mirror. I'm read as cis now, no one really knows unless I'm in a relationship or a close friend. So technically I'll be coming out for the rest of my life in a way since no one reads me as being trans.

I just naturally matured into my identity after awhile. I started transition about 5 years ago and started hrt a couple years into my transition. However it wasn't until the beginning of last year is when I stopped seeing that "guy" in the mirror. Every time I look in the mirror now I just see me, which feels really good! After struggling for the first half of my transition it feels amazing to be at this point. I'm finally just living my life now without having transition on my mind 24/7. So last year was the year I got my life back after spending so long in this awkward puberty limbo phase lol.

Quote from: Lady_Oracle on February 02, 2015, 01:20:26 AM


I just naturally matured into my identity after awhile. I started transition about 5 years ago and started hrt a couple years into my transition. However it wasn't until the beginning of last year is when I stopped seeing that "guy" in the mirror. Every time I look in the mirror now I just see me, which feels really good! After struggling for the first half of my transition it feels amazing to be at this point. I'm finally just living my life now without having transition on my mind 24/7. So last year was the year I got my life back after spending so long in this awkward puberty limbo phase lol.

I remember that point for myself. Now it's all about trying to be true to myself as a female.

Quote from: Hermosa_Tabby on February 01, 2015, 05:57:28 PM
Tessa James

I love your outfit in the pic. Always nice to see someone with some color!

Thank you Hermosa_Tabby.  That is my tutu for parades and special events and it always feels good to let myself be free about wearing what I want.  Thank goodness for the feminists that preceded us as they took the wardrobe door off the hinges.  There are plenty of fashion police out there trying to keep us in line and situations to look dignified for when needed.  I try not to take myself too seriously;-)

Back to the thread, i am one of those that leans toward female but am non binary enough that I do not consider myself a woman and, like you, being 'true to myself as a female' is enough for now.