Hello my name is WhoKnows, I've decided to keep my name anonymous as of now.

I'm 16 and I've felt like a girl for so long I can remember, and it has started to affect me strongly the past year. I can't go a single day without thinking about it. And I mean I think a lot about it. I've read about all the stuff and so on. But I really need some help from my own words instead of just reading on the internet.
I have 3 girl friends (no not partners, just FRIENDS) that I actually told how I felt and they accepted it and wants to support me. They're like my best friends. I love them so much. Also this is not a "phase" at all, since I said I've been like this as long as I remember. I'm sure and positive about this.
But.....

How. Do. I. Tell. My... Family. This?
I have no clue at freaking all, and I'm scared of it. I just don't know what to do. I have 2 older brothers a dad and a mum. And of course rest of the family like grandmother and so on. But let's focus on them more right now. Also when I were younger my brothers would also call me a girl sometimes and say I act like one and is like one. All that stuff.... Like bugging me with it but I actually liked it without really knowing. I'm just so lost right now and I would love to get some help from some other people out there.

Also.... The younger the better.
I heard that beggining your transformation is best at the youngest possible age. Like starting to take hormons and so on. Would it be a good age at 16 if I actually can get out with it to my family? Hopefully with some help from this forum.

And.....!
What does hormons really do to you? I mean I know that it makes you girly. But how do they transform you if you were at the age of 16? How would they affect and change me over a time period.


Also what is wrong with me?
I don't know really, and I really would like to know. But I'm not really that kind of a "open" person. And I do believe I don't have feelings.... Maybe it's because I live like this I can't feel... But there is not many things that can affect me at all. And those who do also never makes the feelings strong... I don't know what's wrong with me..


And just another thing!
I live in Denmark, and I do not believe at all I would be accepted so kindly here. Or at least not with my friends. I mean if I told them they would beat me up or laugh their ass off or some ->-bleeped-<-... Denmark is not kind about this thing..

All in all, I just want to live like I were meant to, and not this way. I were born wrong.


Thanks a lot everyone...


-WhoKnows

Hi!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

You've got a lot of questions... not sure I can answer all of them, especially anything about your circumstances in Denmark. I'll do what I can and hopefully others will help too. As for telling your family, you don't necessarily have to right now. Especially if they are very conservative, or overbearing and you don't think they will be supportive. I'd suggest you figure out who your most understanding parent is... your mother perhaps? Maybe get a sense from her about what she thinks about transgender people and try to talk to her alone. If not then I'd suggest you tell them you have been feeling out of sorts or depressed and would like to speak confidentially to a counsellor or therapist. At least that way you have someone to talk to about your feelings and who will hopefully be supportive.

Hormones will feminine your body - there are a lot of things that will happen with your skin softness, fat vs muscle, libido, breast growth, body hair, beard, etc - but it will also not undo any number of masculine features you may have already developed such as adams apple, deep voice, height, large hands/feet etc. And they take up to two years to be fully noticeable.

There is nothing wrong with you - what you are feeling is quite common when a person feels their body does not match the gender they identity as. It can be very distressing.

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Cheers

Grace

Thank you a lot Ms Grace, and yes my mum would be the best one to start of telling it to. And I do need to tell it asap. Because I would like to get this starting as soon as possible.


So hormones won't do anything to my voice at all? And my look currently is feminimis'h thats why I want to start asap too before it changes...

Just don't know how in the world I should tell my mom???

hello whoknows,

first off, welcome to susan's. i'm probably not the best person to answer your transition and hormone questions as i'm ftm, so i'll leave those for the individuals who are actually informed in that area and know what they're talking about. but typically, yes, the younger someone begins the transition process, the better the end result will be.

it's good you've determined this feeling is not a phase. it appears as though you're pretty self-accepting as well, which is great too. i don't know how things work in denmark, but i would suggest finding a supportive gender therapist next. (ms grace has an awesome idea if you don't believe your parents will be supportive. ^ )

as for your parents, you could possibly write a letter addressed to them explaining your circumstance. with writing a letter, you are able to get all your thoughts down without interruptions and an awkward and nerve-racking confrontation. plus, your parents have time to react and then think reasonably about the situation before discussing it with you. this method is how i plan to come out to my parents, and i know it's worked well for others, so i would definitely recommend it.

remember that we're all here for support.

regards,
jackson

Hello Whoknows

Welcome to Susan's!  This is a good place, with many caring people who try to help where we can.  I'm going to copy most of your post below and tap some comments below each paragraph.

How. Do. I. Tell. My... Family. This?
I have no clue at freaking all, and I'm scared of it. I just don't know what to do. I have 2 older brothers a dad and a mum. And of course rest of the family like grandmother and so on. But let's focus on them more right now. Also when I were younger my brothers would also call me a girl sometimes and say I act like one and is like one. All that stuff.... Like bugging me with it but I actually liked it without really knowing. I'm just so lost right now and I would love to get some help from some other people out there.

If your brothers have teased you by calling you a girl, I would see this as positive.  They haven't persecuted you about it, which is good, and it may well be that your family will not be too surprised when you tell them.  If you act like a girl in some ways, I see it as half the battle already won. 

Telling family is always hard, regardless of your age. There is no best way to tell them. Some people write a letter, others talk.  The key thing is to have your ideas as clear in your head as possible, so that they will see that you've thought carefully about it and have done some research into what it is like to go through transition.  Be as prepared as possible.  There is no ideal place or time to tell people, but I would try to make it a formal event.  Maybe tell them in advance that you have something important to discuss, and then have a formal session when everyone is home. 

You're gonna need to be brave.  Being transgender is not for sissies, and being brave starts with telling your family.  Just in case, arrange with one of your friends that you might need to spend the night, but I think this is very, very unlikely.

Also.... The younger the better.
I heard that beggining your transformation is best at the youngest possible age. Like starting to take hormons and so on. Would it be a good age at 16 if I actually can get out with it to my family? Hopefully with some help from this forum.

It's really good to start as young as the laws in your country will allow.  Even if you have to wait to take hormones, you can become The Girl whenever you want.  If you feel like a girl inside your head, you really don't need hormones to become the girl - you just need the freedom and support to become her.

And.....!
What does hormons really do to you? I mean I know that it makes you girly. But how do they transform you if you were at the age of 16? How would they affect and change me over a time period.

Hormones will affect the development of secondary sexual characteristics, mainly the development of breasts and the distribution of fat around the body.  Hormones won't undo any of the secondary development you've already had, so be realistic.  Many things can be fixed easily enough.  Hormones may change how you experience your emotions, and many of us find our sense of smell is altered, mainly in that we can smell men much more obviously.


Also what is wrong with me?
I don't know really, and I really would like to know. But I'm not really that kind of a "open" person. And I do believe I don't have feelings.... Maybe it's because I live like this I can't feel... But there is not many things that can affect me at all. And those who do also never makes the feelings strong... I don't know what's wrong with me..

There's NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.  You've spend 16 years in the wrong body, and it's bound to have affected you in terms of your self-image and openness.  The really great thing about transitioning is that you can finally be free, and with this you will find yourself opening up because you no longer need to hide who you are.  You've had to suppress your feelings for so long that they are dormant, but they will return, and you will feel so much more.  It's a wonderful feeling - I've experienced it!!!


And just another thing!
I live in Denmark, and I do not believe at all I would be accepted so kindly here. Or at least not with my friends. I mean if I told them they would beat me up or laugh their ass off or some ->-bleeped-<-... Denmark is not kind about this thing..

You know, I'm not so sure about what you say. Firstly let's talk about your friends.  OK, honesty you're at a funny age where friends may have strange reactions, but you don't know this for sure.  If you're already a "girly boy" they are probably not going to be surprised by what you tell them.  If some people laugh, laugh with them, and then teach them about what it is to be transgender.  As for Denmark not being kind regarding transgender people, I think you may be seeing this in a very negative way - your country is known for its openness.  It's important to surround yourself with people who care, and the rest are not relevant. 


All in all, I just want to live like I were meant to, and not this way. I were born wrong.

Seriously, you have the power to do this.  Be strong, optimistic and happy, and be forceful enough that people never question how you feel about your need to change gender.


I hope some of this makes sense??

Hugs
Julia

Thank you so much Julia-Madrid for this post. Will sure help me !

Hi WhoKnows IMHO Dont tell your parents, Why, Because a lot of Parents dont understand GID GD Androgeny AIS, and they may Kick you out of the House, Wait untill you have a good paying job and can support yourself, I know of way to many young TG folks that have told their parents that they are TG and were kicked out, I would hate to see that Happen to you, and shunned by family members, Parents and Family members have to be taught about the whys some people are born Different than the rest.

One thing you might try to do is to test your Parents Reaction to a person thats TG, you might want to tell your parents that a friend of yours in school is TG and was asking you how should they tell their parents , and ask Your Parents how you should try to help your friend at school, That should give you some great feed back from your parents as to how they feel, and you might want to say something like, I am going to look into it and try to understand what its all about so I can maybe help my friend. This might give you a indicator of how your parents feel about TG people and it might be the breaking of the ice if they are Understanding,  you might even want to ask your parents if they know of anyone that TG,  Its Just a Suggestion

You are the only person who can decide what to do in your situation. You know your parents, so trust your own judgement in the matter, as you come to the decision to tell them or not. That being said always  prepare for the worst, and hope for the best; because you never really know until the cards are down on the table.