I seriously been so frustrated the last few days and I just need to get it off my cheast even when I sadly don't belive theres anything to do about it, so I am sorry for all the venting.
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It feels to me like my and other transpeoples life dosen't matter at all.
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heres the reason why I have felt so.

1: My doctor is a jerk who just belive i'm "confussed" and dont have or try to gain knowlegde of transgender  and the ridiculours laws, yet he is my best option because the previous doctor refused to deal with my "transness" complitely. so either I have to stick with him or change to another doctor again-again who probably arnt much better (take in mind each time I change it cost me money and load of trouble just because they are too transfobic to deal with me)

2: the goverment have shut down my doctor giving me homones because they belive I am to seek for permission from a psychiatric/sexologic center which already refused to deal with me in the past. Now my doctor have sent me there again to gain permission but it will probably take half a year before I get to the first therapy section to ask for permission and the whole thing will probably take a year before I know if I can get this permission or not, during this time I may have run out of homones.

3: I got pain but I cant even trust specialist. the last one I was to kept refering to me as "she" as soon he found out I was transgender. He gave me the worst bottom dyshoria (I normally dont have bottom dyshoria) in the way he so clearly did not respect my gender and on purpose kept asking me what I had between my legs or calling me "young lady" all the times. in general theres no knowlegde of transgender in the healthcare so I feel like giving up and just use my savings on doctors abroud insteed but everyone tells me "how stupid it is because our doctors are "so good" even when they know I havent been able to get propper threatment for 2 years now.

4) my school dose not threat transgender as being anything. if I am out as trans I have no security they will threat me with respect and that means I must accept my teacher making jokes like "remember its he not she in english otherwise its a ->-bleeped-<-" I already mention transphobia as a problem last year because my classmates had said how "messing up the gender roles was causing other to become mental ill and it was our fault she had ADHD" but no one take it serious even my teacher dont and have wrotte a book where he compared being trans with a country.

5) I hear the most horrible stories of abuse and suicide from my trans friends. I even been there myself and lost a friend to suicide. we had planned a meeting to help some profesional suicide prevent people how to deal with trans people but as I meet up for the meeting I was told they could not come anyway. This is not the first time, I experienced this alot when there is a focus for transpeople that the people being invited "cant come anyway because they got better thing to do out of sudden" when we had a serious debat with politicans a few years ago only 2-3 politicians of ALL in the goverment showed up, I feel like we really arn't that important beside when they try to make a point to themself how "openminded they are".

6) I talked to a woman about a new documentary about transgender called "trapped in the wrong body" I told her that its up to her how to make her film but I think its important she will include the challenge people face in the country as well as being open to include all types of transgender of the spectrum. She said "but it has to be something the "normal*" population can handle, and its not me to decide" again it feels like the only time they are interesteed in making trans news are based on the wish for cigenders people and not transgenders themself. She had kept asking for transchildren and did not respect a no the first, second or third time people said they found it too harsh and risky, neither is she interesteed in making a documentary to please transpeople or educate about the challengde but to amuse cisgenders with the "interesting story" making money of a "is it a woman or a mand wow effect"

I am so frustrated that all transgenders really are worth outside a small trans-ally group is just to amuse of show how "tollerant" someone is, but people dont care about the serious issues. I think its horrible how so many doctors can refuse me and others healthcare which are universal here and sould INCLUDE US! I feel its terryfying how you can be refused in school for being trans and how theres no security neither from teacher nor student which can say the most horrible things in classrooms.

I am really so frustated of it all. yesterday I talked with a mom who had lost her transdaughter to suicide, her story are in many ways simular to my experience, the goverment have refused to help her daughter then she killed herself, the mom have got in the news and no organisation or politicals outside the trans and gltb have cared to react to it, she showed up to help educating the suicide prevent line which did not care to show up, I feel like our life really dont matter its like speaking to a wall, the goverment dont say it out loud but I feel they just want us to die. they dont do anything to prevent it even when we show them proff and when we die nobody cares.

  I don't know where you live Natkat, but sadly some places just suck.  Its not easy being trans even in places that are more tolerant, there is always a segment of the population that will never accept us. We have to stay strong and help each other when possible. Getting more people to accept us is going to take time, some amazing progress has been made in many places, however more needs to be done. I know it seems like we can't do much and that others seem to have control over how we are perceived. What we can do is to live our lives being who we are, I know this can be hard or down right impossible depending on where you live. I am fortunate to live in area that is more tolerant. I have been full time for a little less than a year no HRT yet, but I live my life openly in the hope that people see that we are not to be feared, that we are just people like everyone else. I don't do this to be purely altruistic, but also because I have a son that that is FTM and I hope to make society better for them.   

Quote from: Stevie on February 23, 2015, 08:57:52 AM
  I don't know where you live Natkat, but sadly some places just suck.  Its not easy being trans even in places that are more tolerant, there is always a segment of the population that will never accept us. We have to stay strong and help each other when possible. Getting more people to accept us is going to take time, some amazing progress has been made in many places, however more needs to be done. I know it seems like we can't do much and that others seem to have control over how we are perceived. What we can do is to live our lives being who we are, I know this can be hard or down right impossible depending on where you live. I am fortunate to live in area that is more tolerant. I have been full time for a little less than a year no HRT yet, but I live my life openly in the hope that people see that we are not to be feared, that we are just people like everyone else. I don't do this to be purely altruistic, but also because I have a son that that is FTM and I hope to make society better for them.   

I live northen Europa in a rather openminded country/city for gay and lesbians but when it comes to transgenders theres no knowlegde or help or anything outside the trans comunity. its like everything which imply for every other person dosen't aply to us.

I can live and go to school but I have no security of anything for discrimination, right now I dont have any health security either, my health are bad, I have not been able to check up on the blod test and stuff which you are suposed to do because the system keep f**ing up my life. yes sorry my languarge but they clearly have no idea what they are doing and not long ago a young transwoman died because she was told the only place who could help her and deal with her transess was if she got permission from a psyciatric center and they told her she as 19 had to wait to she was 25 before they would even deal with her problems, its no way to threat human beings.

and I know you cant do anything about it, as said I just need to get out with my frustrations because I get so angry of this system. thanks for your care

I will refer to one of my personal heroines - Jowelle DeSouza.

When she first transitioned, she was treated with such scorn. She was also arrested and subject to strip search by a police officer (she had pushed one of the paparazzi who was in her face). They let a male police officer do it. But she stood up for herself, sued and won. She donated the money to charity.

Now she is a celebrity. She is an animal welfare activist and even won a national award. She is in high society and is even dabbling in politics.

This is in the Caribbean which in general is very transphobic and homophobic. In fact in some countries such as Jamaica they openly talk and sing dancehall songs about killing LGBT persons and the police seem to not care.

She helped pave the way for many other transsexuals to come out and get treatment, be themselves and live their lives. It's not as good as the USA or Australia or parts of EUrope but it's getting there.

So yes, it does get better. Much better. 

Quote from: ImagineKate on February 24, 2015, 11:57:07 AM
I will refer to one of my personal heroines - Jowelle DeSouza.

When she first transitioned, she was treated with such scorn. She was also arrested and subject to strip search by a police officer (she had pushed one of the paparazzi who was in her face). They let a male police officer do it. But she stood up for herself, sued and won. She donated the money to charity.

Now she is a celebrity. She is an animal welfare activist and even won a national award. She is in high society and is even dabbling in politics.

This is in the Caribbean which in general is very transphobic and homophobic. In fact in some countries such as Jamaica they openly talk and sing dancehall songs about killing LGBT persons and the police seem to not care.

She helped pave the way for many other transsexuals to come out and get treatment, be themselves and live their lives. It's not as good as the USA or Australia or parts of EUrope but it's getting there.

So yes, it does get better. Much better.

I don't agree that it's always gets better, I think it depends.

I know about Jamaica so if its simular there the way of treating transgender then I can imagine.
for me I been an activist and very out and proud before. I done alot of activism from a young age but since I got pain this have taken most of my energy and because of that I feel week I guess you could say I have become more aware of my mortality in a way, its difficult to explain but the medical thing is a huge stress dealing with pain and being scared of it never going away or infecting me to become "seriously sick"
I still get what your mean thought and really respect for what she have done, I will keep fighting cause I don't have a choice, but somethimes I get really tired and demotivated. I am used to be in a position where I have done various things and I will listen to other transpeople and allies and give them suport or advice but somethimes I feel tired myself, and I am having one of those moments now, yet I will keep on fighting cause thats what you do.

thanks for suport.

I don't think it always gets better.

But I do think that if you want it to get better and take steps for it to get better, it will.

I'm not sure which country Natkat lives in, but I looked at the Transgender Europe website's Trans Rights Index, and the legal situation in Denmark and Norway, at least, is not very progressive.

Both require sterilization and SRS in order to legally switch gender.  Denmark doesn't score well on non-discrimination rights.  Finland requires a married person to divorce if transitioning.  On the other hand, Sweden seems to score pretty well.

Quote from: Asche on February 25, 2015, 02:18:27 PM
I'm not sure which country Natkat lives in, but I looked at the Transgender Europe website's Trans Rights Index, and the legal situation in Denmark and Norway, at least, is not very progressive.

Both require sterilization and SRS in order to legally switch gender.  Denmark doesn't score well on non-discrimination rights.  Finland requires a married person to divorce if transitioning.  On the other hand, Sweden seems to score pretty well.

You can't rely on those sites 100% you need to ask locals as well. since laws changes and laws are complicated.

Denmark where I live now had forced sterilization untill last year where luckely they changed the law so it would be much more easy to change your ID and getting off the sterilization requirement, they passed that law in September 2014. (alot of countryes in Europa have or have had forced sterilization in some degree or another btw see the video I posted in TGEU political news board)

Unfurtunatly they also made some rather anti-trans laws along with the law where some thing got worse acourding to getting threatment and stuff like that the laws are abit difficult to explain but in short terms my doctor which have taken care of my homones are no longer able to do so because the goverment threatned him. if he continues to deal with me he may lose his permission to work as a doctor. acourding the the goverment I must go to a psyciatric centrer to gain permission by therapy lessons. being asked many questions of "did you play with boytoy or girltoy? did you have many female or male friends? how much do you mastrubate? bla bla bla" in order to see if I am enough "man" to keep my permission for testostorone. actually I been there once already and they rejected me because of something about my school, So I found my own doctor which now cant help me anymore and I must go back the same place I already been. its a very ->-bleeped-<-ed up system specially because theres only 1 center, so the waiting period can be very long and people cant really complain. I do have some priviliges though, because I was in threatment before the new laws took place so I may still be able to get homones within the country if I am lucky, but its very stressfull not being able to get propper healthcare. also the laws work indirect on doctors so many doctors become pretty transphobic not nessesarry because they are, but because they fear that the goverment will punish them if they deal with transgender patience or also they become ignorant and dont investigate into any topics of that matter.