Hi everybody,

This is kinda a tough post for me and the main reason I signed up here. Sorry if it is a rambly mess of thoughts, I just need to get it out before I lose my nerve again.  I am non-binary with the intention to transition at least partially (tip surgery and low t) and I want/need to tell my dad.
I have been dropping a lot of clues like dressing in men's/andro clothing, cutting my hair really short and binding for the last year. And I know he's noticed something is up, he mentions it occasionally. But it's always in a slightly joking "please correct me" sort of way. (Today was the yeah your outfit was nice... If you were a guy)
I'm just really nervous a bit laying all out for him. I know he loves me and its all probably worrying for nothing, (he was accepting and supportive when I told him that I was asexual) but I could use some advice on how to tell him in the least confusing and straight forward way.

Thanks a bunch ahead of time. Reading all the posts here had helped me a ton already [emoji173]
~Jav

Hi Jav

It's perfectly fine to be nervous; it's a really big subject to broach with anybody, never mind your immediate family.

If there's one thing I'd recommend, it's that you make sure you are extremely clear about what you want, and what your plans are.  Loving and caring parents just want the best for their kids (whatever their age), and if you're embarking on a journey that will change your body as well as your mind, you need to be sure about it. 

Sometimes it's not so easy to have a plan, but if you have one it will be really useful, not only for you, but also for your family.

Good luck - from what you say it's probably going to turn out fine...

Hugs
Julia

Hey Jav,

welcome

This is really tough. I still haven't told my parents, so I think I can relate to how you feel.

I started writing a letter to my family. I'm not sure I'll ever send it, but just writing it out helps me to get a bit more clarity. I'm thinking about what I want, and why I want it -- to communicate that I know it's the right thing for me and I have thought it through.

If your dad has commented on how you dress before, this might be something you could use to start a conversation or a letter. Along the lines of "So you may have noticed .... Let me tell you why that is....".

Best
Adrian

Parents don't always show how worried they are, and your father may wonder if you are ok. Knowing the truth may be a relief to both of you. You get the relief of not worrying about when to tell, and your father will finally know what is going on.

Telling my father was hard, because even though the signs were there, I was the only "female" of three children, and his 'little girl". I had asked my mother to tell him, but she said she wanted it to come from me.

There really isn't an easy way to go about it, and I think the majority of transgenders go through a certain degree of fear of rejection. No matter how old we are, we want our parent't approval, not just on this subject, but on what you do with your life in general. That is natural.
If you can get through telling your parents, then you can get through everything else that follows.

sam1234

Hi Jav,

Welcome to Susan's!

It's perfectly normal to be nervous and scared at this point. It's not an easy thing to talk about especially to a family member. You know your father best and how he will react. When I came out I wrote a letter to my family. This allowed me to get everything out that I wanted to say without being side tracked by there reactions. My question for you is are you seeing a therapist or a gender therapist? If not it would be a great place to start working on how to inform your father and family. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your path...

Much Love,

Melissa Ann

I was so nervous when I went to tell my family. Everything ended up turning out wonderfully. Ironically, the gay member of my family took the most time to really "get it," (they were accepting, just didn't really understand) and the family member who I thought would be the toughest to get through to became my fastest and most understanding supporter.

Sometimes it may take a while for someone to really wrap their mind around seeing you as a new gender and understanding all that entails, so try to be patient with him if things aren't immediately as successful as you would have liked.

All I can really say about how to tell him is speak from the heart. Just lay it all out for him. How you feel about your gender, the steps you plan to take to transition... Just be open and honest. Yes, it's always a nerve-wracking conversation to have, but from what you've said here, it sounds like he loves you and that there's probably nothing to worry about. After all, you've been dressing and binding around him and he hasn't responded badly. I think he will probably be okay with it.

*hugs*

Good luck, Jav! Let us know how it goes, okay?

Thanks everyone!
I'm going to try to talk with him about it all tonight. I'll give an update after!
~Jav

I want to thank you all for your help.
I talked to him last night and it went so well. I cried, he cried. And he said he would support me through anything I decided.
I feel so much better now that its out there.
So thank you again for all your support in working up my nerve.
Next step is the bf D:

I'm glad it went well!

You've done well. Congratulations!  One step at a time.

Xxx
J

Yay! I had a feeling it would turn out okay. I'm proud of you for having the courage to come out to him.

Yay Jav! I'm glad it turned out well.