Just read a recent post/replies about coming out to young children but my two are a little older. 

Quick background deets:  I'm MTF, married 18 years with two kids: daughter (6th grade) and son (HS freshman).  I'm out 3+ years to my wife.  Around the house, still in dad mode but have been introducing some changes like shaving body hair, wearing bracelets/anklets, etc.  Just starting the process of coming out to adult family and now thinking about the kids situation especially if physical process begins to accelerate. 

Have I missed the best time frame in terms of ages (if there is such a thing)?  Should I wait til they are older even if that means delaying further physical changes?  Should they be told together?  even if we ask for confidentiality, what about the risk of them telling friends who then have their parents poison those friendships?  Rather than ripping off the proverbial bandage, should it be done in several smaller discussions like first discussing what they know about LGBT and how they feel, then moving a step closer on a different occasion?  I also do not want to drive my otherwise happy well-adjusted kids into some state of suicidal depression.  While I understand that there is no right answer, I'm just looking for some feedback.  I do not view this as keeping bedroom secrets from kids.  But I do struggle with the hypocrisy of  trying to foster an atmosphere that our kids should be able to tell us anything when we cannot do the same.   

Similar boat here, but I had good/bad fortune to come out to my wife and 14 yr old daughter at the same time.  So she knows, but she's ignoring it, hoping it's "just a bad dream" as she's put it.

It's not easy at this age.  It's good that you have your wife on your side.  One thing I told my daughter last night was that it's like birth defect. I should have born a girl, but something got messed up.  Now I want to correct the problem.  She seemed to respond to that well.

Make sure they have someone they can confide in, whether that's a relative, a family friend, or even a therapist or counselor. 

Good luck and hugs!

I have a younger child and i dont think there is a "right" way like with all of parenting you do your best and love your child. Ive come to terms that loosing my child is also a possibility when thinking of the many outcomes.

Be patient, don't force anything on them, be responsive, be willing to sacrifice and compromise. Teach them and love them. Remind them that you are still the same person.

My philosophy with my child is education about trans people. Its a little easier for me because she is young but i think it can still apply to older children.

I am married 24 years.  I  had two in high school and one in college when I came out to my kids.  I did like you did --the slow integration over time of femininity and the such.  I did that for about a year.  Then, we had a family meeting and just told them.  My wife was privy for years, so it was just my kids learning about it.  They all sighed with relief to us and said "that makes so much sense!" 

So, that was great, but in retrospect I wonder if it was fair to do the slow integration and leave them wondering about their father for a year, or if it would have been better to just t ell them up front.  My 15 yo daughter did tell me that if I had tried to explain it to her 4 or 5 years earlier that she would not have understood and she was glad I waited until she was in her teens.  The main thing they were concerned about was their mom and if were we getting divorced. 

Now, about divulging it to friends.  They tried to keep it under wraps, but just couldn't.  They are kids, after all.  We just let the chips fall where they may.  They lost no friends over it.  Kids these days are more accepting than when we were young, IMHO.

Hope this helps.

Thank you so very much for your input on my question, but of course I still welcome any additional viewpoints from the community. 

I am persuaded for now that the best approach with my kids in my situation is probably to start by slowly, over time, probing their opinions on the "LGB" topic as that is more visible in mainstream tv, movies, music etc. and they have met some of our LGB friends.  Then I think we can slowly add "T" into the discussion before ripping the band aid fully off.

I have decided, however, to withhold disclosing to the kids until after we cross the bridge with all of our adult family, some down, many to go.  I am so blessed that my wife is on my side ... for now ... But I also have always lived by the philosophy that there are no guarantees in life.

You will be surprised at what children pick up on.when I told my children aged 26 and 32 the response was tell me something that I don't know .they knew probably before me lol