Recently I made a chance to meet a trans in person. I was on a drag and visited a go-go bar in Bangkok where beautiful trans dancing and get customers. Well, I was a customer and drew a lot of attentions for being in female dress and long hair.

I intended to go there just to have someone to talk to, especially someone 'just like me' but passed through all the journey.

Then I had a chance to talk to a very nice transsexual who started her journey since teenage until her 45 now. She passed all feminine looks - boobs job, FFS, and SRS. Frankly she looks 20+ rather than 45, much younger than her age.

Well it was a mixed feeling. She was very warm to talk. She offered her information supports to get things done. We had a good conversation.

She invited me to her apartment after the bar closed. Then we hanged out a lit bit at another karaoke bar where we enjoyed a lot . I sang a song as female voice for the first time. I was very happy to express myself extremely as a female.

At her apartment, I don't know why I had a feeling like to have sex with her. I told her my feeling and she said "you are a strange trans." ... I don't know why I had that kind of feeling. I like to be as feminine as she is but I like to have sex with her at the same time.

During our conversation and being relax to each others. There was a word she spoke to me and disturbed me a lot. She called me "bitch" jokingly. I felt very offended. But understood it was normal language in her society but I am not familiar with it.

I rushed leaving her apartment with questions in my mind. Am I real trans? Why I felt attracted to her. Why I don't like to be called a bitch?

Quote from: jeminajay on March 12, 2015, 11:43:38 PM
... Am I real trans? Why I felt attracted to her. Why I don't like to be called a bitch?

Jeminajay, there's nothing wrong with you. Your sexual preference is independent of your gender identity.

It's OK to feel attracted to either or both sexes, anything in between, or even just the person regardless of their gender presentation.

And I'm guessing she said "bitch" kind of like some women say "girlfriend", not as an insult...

Quote from: jeminajay on March 12, 2015, 11:43:38 PM
At her apartment, I don't know why I had a feeling like to have sex with her. I told her my feeling and she said "you are a strange trans." ... I don't know why I had that kind of feeling. I like to be as feminine as she is but I like to have sex with her at the same time.

I think your feelings are common, so don't worry. I never had that kind of feeling so I can't really relate, but I want to say "It's because you're still driven by Testosterone".  If you start HRT as a TS, those urges will probably go away or at least change.  Or you might be CD/TV instead of TS which is OK too.  

It might be hard for her to understand if she never had those feelings but I think she was just surprised, not trying to insult you.

Quote from: mfox on March 13, 2015, 10:54:53 AM
I think your feelings are common, so don't worry. I never had that kind of feeling so I can't really relate, but I want to say "It's because you're still driven by Testosterone".  If you start HRT as a transgender, those urges will probably go away or at least change.  Or you might be CD/TV instead of TG which is OK too.[ /b]  

It might be hard for her to understand if she never had those feelings but I think she was just surprised, not trying to insult you.

Sorry, but CD/TS/TV are all Transgender people. For future reference: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html

Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you taking your time to reply. I started hrt 1 year 1 month ago at a minimum dosage. I am now 47. My feminity developed slowly and I prefer that way.

Yeah, I am wondering if Ishould go for full time or I am just a cross dresser.

Quote from: jeminajay on March 13, 2015, 06:11:14 PM
Yeah, I am wondering if Ishould go for full time or I am just a cross dresser.

You should do what feels comfortable for You. Besides, FT or cross-dressing are not opposite extremities. I have heard that there are full-time cross-dressers, who present as women 24/7/365 but do not take any medications and seems to be fine with that. And there are MtF transsexuals on HRT while presenting as males. And there are countless in-between situations and solutions, so... Only You can sort it all out and it is better not to be in hurry with those kind of decisions.

You just started on the journey. It is normal to have a lot more questions than answers. Go slow, keeps investigating who you are and how you feel.

Being attracted to a female may mean you are bi or lesbian. Sexuality and gender are two different things.

How the word bitch is used is important. If it is used in a joking way it is not bad and rather accepting.

Very good support here. Thank you.