How do I get over hating myself and who I am?

Lately I have been very depressed and very down. I hate the fact that I'm transgender and I hate that to many people I won't be truly a woman to them. I'm scared of a lot of things but I'm mainly scared of ending up alone. I know that once I start transition i'll loose my whole family. I know that many MTF transgenders never really find love with men, and its very saddening to me because it's always been my dream to have a husband and a family one day. I feel like i'll never be good enough for a man; like i'll never be good enough for him to be with me.

I know that i'm not very good looking and i'm scared that my looks may stop me from finding someone. I try to work on my personality but I feel soo ugly when I look myself in the mirror. I don't know what to think anymore. I used to pretend and dream about my life with a boyfriend or a husband but now I can't anymore. I'm convinced that i'll never find anybody and wow, it hurts me, it really hurts me. I know that they say that there is someone out there for everyone, and I hope it really is true; i really do, but I just feel like i'll never be truly worthy of someones love.

I'm also very scared to not be a pretty feminine girl. I don't want to be gorgeous, but just pretty, and as long as im a girl, I'll be happy. I want to be passable as well so I can feel more comfortable about myself and as well find a man. But I feel like no man out there would want to be with a transgender woman besides sex. Are there any straight men that would mind dating a transgender?

I'm also very scared because people treat me like a guy and even though I know they don't know and I know its not there fault, it hurts me because I want them to treat me like a girl. Usually when i'm with a group of girls, guys treat me differently because I don't physically look like one. It really hurts me. I hate that im this way and i hate thinking of how miserable i might be in life later on

Do any of you girls deal or have delt with this? What did you guys do about it?

I think its important to know that I'm only 18 but I feel like nothing will change 4-5 years from now when i'm technically a girl.

The only person who needs to accept you as a woman is yourself. No one else matters.

You are a woman. There is no minimum level of looks, passability acceptance, or romantic success required to be one. You just are one.

And you are beautiful. All women are beautiful. Simply being a woman carries with it indescribably beauty. You have a lot to give and anyone who doesn't appreciate it is missing out.

As for finding someone, there are no guarantees. This is an issue for me too. I'm 53 and plain looking. Even good looking cis women my age face an uphill battle finding someone. I feel like the cards are stacked against me. I pray to accept that face. I'm not much into God, so I pray to my inner strength. It works just as well.

The best way to improve your chances for love is to learn to love yourself. What would your best friend (imaginary or IRL) say about you? Can you learn to tell yourself those things?

Hugs, Sergmtf. I hope you can find a way to enjoy womanhood. Independent of  beauty, passability, or love, it's awsome.

Suzi is right. Every woman has a beauty all their own. Often personality counts more than what you see in the mirror. (Mirrors lie BTW)


As to worthy, you have as much right to be yourself as any other human being on the planet, or off it for that matter.

Dating may be more difficult, but definitely not impossible or necessarily even real hard. Often when you stop searching for your worth in how others perceive you, you find your self worth. That shines through.

Sorry... I can't resist.



You're eighteen; you'll transition beautifully! And your family will come around. The first step is to love and accept yourself. I know it sounds all Stuart Smalley, but I went you to write down a list of things you want to be, such as, "I am a good person who deserves love and adoration."

Write them down, then read them out loud. The more you do this, and the more effort you put into it, the more you're going to believe it.

For instance, you can tell yourself you're a beautiful girl, or that your inner femininity is blossoming, or that you have the courage to jump off the super high dive.

Do this every day. You'll be surprised at how well it works. And until then, know that you're beautiful.

I'd wager there ain't a single one of us on this page who doesn't hate something about themselves...even those who have gone through their transition.

I may not enjoy the body I'm in, but at the end of the day, I can still look in the mirror and say, "You know what?  it. I'm sexy". And I can say this because I know what's hiding beneath the surface...it ain't who you are now that you need to look at...it's who you are inside. Who you could be. Each and every trans person has a sexy, sassy girl or hot, hellraisin' guy inside them. It's just a matter of seeing what lies just beneath your skin.

In Terry Pratchett's Unseen Academicals the character Mr Nutt constantly worries about being worthy in the eyes of others but eventually learns that we must all define our own worth in the world.
Don't look to others, look within yourself and you'll find you're just as worthy as any other human being :-)

First of all.  YOU are beautiful.  I haven't seen you, and I don't have to.  I know it.  Looks don't matter, it is the person you are that matters.

You may loose people important to you.  But as you start this journey you will realize that you start to pickup people to replace those lost.  As you become more comfortable with yourself, others will see that, and be more comfortable as well.  I am also a firm believer in the fact that there is someone out there for everyone.  I was single for nearly 15 years before finding my happy ending.

Don't give up hope.  It is hard.  I also don't really look at myself as trans.  I am a woman, with a bit of history.  Which ALL women have.  I don't let the transgender part define who I am.  It takes time.  But you will get there my dear.

Starting at 18 is much better than 22 or 23. You are lucky.

Fear is not a reason to pull away it is a reason to continue until you pass through the fear. You will grow in untold ways.

You will lose and you will gain in the experience. Those that truly love you will be by your side and not judge. Those that do not have issues they need to resolve. Some trans kids (under 25) have it very rough if they are unemployed and have no family.

Beauty, yes we all want to look beautiful. Real beauty comes from inside. How can you have real beauty if you are in the wrong wrapper.

I have seen photos of girls that started transition in their mid twenties that as a guy did not look handsome but transitioned and look pretty. 

Having been 18, having experimented with transitioning at that age, having been, and still am, one but ugly, big tall, balding dude, I sort of have an idea where you are coming from.

It is way too easy for us to beat up on ourselves. I see it as being a way to try to convince ourselves this whole Trans thing is an insane idea. Who in their right mind WANTS to be trans after all? Throw in a healthy dose of shame, guilt, knowing all too well what guys think when they don't have to be PC think of "->-bleeped-<-s", and internalized transphobia it is easy to rationalize either "Life sucks and then you die" or....

It took me a few years... OK decades, to finally wake up. To finally, for the first time ever in my life feel I am partially worthy of all the gifts I have in my life and all of its accomplishments. It is hard to change how you feel about yourself. I did with with help from my TG support group and a couple of angels there for me.

In spite of all the crap going against me, I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. It does get better, and it's one hell of a ride getting there

Beauty is definitely within.

I'm FTM, but I do relate to some of your experiences. It's terrifying thinking about the future, especially when you're transitioning or considering transitioning. Plenty of people are willing to date a trans woman and, yes there will always be douchebags, but anyone worth your time will view you as a woman and accept your gender. Being trans won't stop you from falling in love and getting married, it won't stop you from living your life, and it won't stop you from being happy.

Hugs. I truly am in a similar place, despite our genders being different, so I promise you that you're not alone in this.

You are beautiful, even if you don't see it. You sound like such a sweet, lovely lady. And what you see in the mirror is not what other people see in you; and judging from these responses, it seems like everyone sees the wonderful girl within you.

I wish I had something more helpful to say, but I just want you to know that you're not alone in your feelings. You can and will find love, and you deserve all the wonderful things in the world. ((hugs and good vibes))

It's very true that you have to believe in and accept yourself for who you are, no matter what! You also have to learn to love who you are as well, on the inside. It can be very hard living as a girl on the inside and a guy on the outside. Believe me I know as well as a lot do on here. I would love to be with someone too. I am MTF and like girls. The problem is that I am too much like them, so I end up in the "friend zone". It SUCKS! Lol I sometimes will joke with a woman and say "I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body." The thing is that it really isn't a joke. Lol
You said you are 18. It is very common for people to not really know who they are at this age. Don't be too hard on yourself. You just need to relax and just live life as best as you can. Find happiness in whatever you can. I think the rest will fall into place.

Quote from: mnrjpf99 on March 14, 2015, 09:50:18 PM
It's very true that you have to believe in and accept yourself for who you are, no matter what! You also have to learn to love who you are as well, on the inside. It can be very hard living as a girl on the inside and a guy on the outside. Believe me I know as well as a lot do on here. I would love to be with someone too. I am MTF and like girls. The problem is that I am too much like them, so I end up in the "friend zone". It SUCKS! Lol I sometimes will joke with a woman and say "I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body." The thing is that it really isn't a joke. Lol
You said you are 18. It is very common for people to not really know who they are at this age. Don't be too hard on yourself. You just need to relax and just live life as best as you can. Find happiness in whatever you can. I think the rest will fall into place.

The friend zone is great! What's wrong with making new friends? I'd much rather be in the friend zone, than the war zone. Or the end zone, because I don't like sports. Or the ozone, because I breathe oxygen.

Your new female friends can and most probably will give you a great deal of help transitioning. You'll be glad you have them.

Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on March 15, 2015, 11:17:33 AM
The friend zone is great! What's wrong with making new friends? I'd much rather be in the friend zone, than the war zone. Or the end zone, because I don't like sports. Or the ozone, because I breathe oxygen.

Your new female friends can and most probably will give you a great deal of help transitioning. You'll be glad you have them.

I'm glad you didn't say calzone, 'cuz that would have been..........cheesy!  <running away>

Wow, thank you soo much everyone <3 I felt very alone before posting this, and now at least I feel like I have people I can speak to. I appreciate your comments very much. I will try to love myself, and remind myself that I am worthy enough, and that I'm just a woman that happens to be transgender, not a transgender woman.

One question for you girls who are & have transitioned.

I will start working soon and will save up a lot of money for my transition. I hope to start transitioning at mid 21 and get FFS at 22 so I can look more womanly and feminine as soon as possible. Do you girls agree with that decision or does the face change at 21 years old with estrogen?

It's dangerous to rush and try to feminize faster than your body wants. Listen to your doctor, provided you have one how knows how to handle transition. Estrogen does a lot. My face has feminized a good deal since I started estrogen a year ago, and I'm 32.

"I'm 32." That feels so weird to say.