This past Tuesday my father passed away after loosing his battle with liver cancer. Just before he took a sudden turn for the worse I made the promise to him that no matter how hard it was I would keep moving forward and do what I need to be happy. That being said I had always thought my dad to be more than a little close minded. In the past he had ridiculed me when I tried to explain some of my social anxiety related issues. So I never came out to him, I feared it would break his heart or he would just never accept me so I kept my silence.

A few minutes ago while cleaning his house and going through his belongings I found a stack of photographs of my dad in different kinds of women's clothing and wearing full makeup. Perhaps he was just having fun with his wife but it would speak to the fact that he was not nearly as close minded as I thought. Now my chance to tell him is gone and I don't know whether I want to cry or just scream and curl up into a ball.

Big hug! You have a good cry, and it becomes part of your healing process. Try not to second guess yourself. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Aubrey1day on March 21, 2015, 04:07:30 PM
This past Tuesday my father passed away after loosing his battle while liver cancer. Just before he took a sudden turn for the worse I made the promise to him that no matter how hard it was I would keep moving forward and do what I need to be happy. That being said I had always thought my dad to be more than a little close minded. In the past he had ridiculed me when I tried to explain some of my social anxiety related issues. So I never came out to him, I feared it would break his heart or he would just never accept me so I kept my silence.

A few minutes ago while cleaning his house and going through his belongings I found a stack of photographs of my dad in different kinds of women's clothing and wearing full makeup. Perhaps he was just having fun with his wife but it would speak to the fact that he was not nearly as close minded as I thought. Now my chance to tell him is gone and I don't know whether I want to cry or just scream and curl up into a ball.

You simply could not have known.
Its often not easy to tell peoples reactions.

This might help:
you might look for a quiet place, and imagine yourself speaking to him.
You will find some kind of feeling for it... you might just imagine talk to each other, and forgiving each other...
you probably will find this lifts a weight off you...

Don't do this too often or in an obsessive manner... just to state your point, and imagine a positive reaction...
it might give a feeling of relief...

and you might do this after some kind of grieving... just when you feel you are ready for it...



and, well in case you are really depressed, please reach out reach out and call a help line...


many hugs

*Hugs* Thanks for the comforting words.

I understand that there is no way I could have known but that pang of regret was strong if short lived. :\ Though now I find myself a bit worried over how my sister reacted, she came in as I was trying to hold it together. She looked at the pictures and with this look of genuine look of dismay on her face just kept saying "It must have been a joke." As if suggesting my father was just being silly, which is a possibility. *ponders*

I guess I'm just worried that despite the fact my sis said she would love and support me in this regardless that the longer her bible thumping fiance has her ear the more likely she might flip flop. He hasn't treated me any differently despite voicing to her how it went against his beliefs so maybe I should just stop being paranoid. =c

*Sighs and shrugs softly*