Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on March 22, 2015, 12:39:09 AM
It's hard to enjoy life when everyone is staring at you and you're being treated like you're less than human and nobody will ever date you or take anything you say seriously.  Our world is not kind to trans people.  You are going to pass, that's for sure.  I think I've failed in that respect, and it wounds me because my life right now isn't good enough.  My breasts are tiny little swells.  It's as good as not having anything.  Going back...it'd be awful.  But this is hellish too, you know?  I don't think I could survive detransitioning.  I'm not able to survive being a trans woman who stands out like a freak either.  Like it or not, passing matters.  Take my story as a cautionary one: You may end up a disgusting boy/girl hybrid, a freak that nobody will ever want to so much as look at, let alone befriend, hire, or love.  I also did this to feel more comfortable, but passing is something I need to do in order to feel comfortable.  I don't feel comfortable right now at all.  I feel awful, all the time. 

There is no hope for people like me.  I've failed.  What happens from here on doesn't matter.  Unless some miracle happens and I wake up a few inches shorter with enough cash for ffs, my life is going to be a miserable hell until it finally ends.  If you transition, if anyone transitions, there is a possibility they may end up like me: Pathetic, sad, masculine-looking, and totally alone.

I don't know where you come from, or your history. But I don't believe people look at you as if you were a freak. I refuse. I believe everyone end up a boy/girl hybrid at some point during their transition. I mean I will too? Its not like you can snap your fingers and pass. I would suggest you start fresh somewhere else. Where nobody knows you and you can create the picture of who you are to people that doesn't know you. Because if I would do this process in my hometown where I grew up .. god I'd be miserable too.

Also I think a lot of you're fears of not passing and stuff is all in your head. I believe 80% of passing is believing urself.

Quote from: mmmmm on March 21, 2015, 04:29:29 PM
... not very much. If fact, I have a hard time seeing your face masculine in any aspect or in any detail. If there's anything little less than perfectly feminine, it's your cheeks, or the lack of it. But guess what, many cis born women don't have the youthful puffy cheeks either. It does not make your face look masculine, but it does make your face look a little less youthful from this certain angle.

Yes I agree about my cheeks, I feel like as I go into my second year on HRT they are getting a bit more fat on them but I have to face up to the fact I'm 34! Thanks for the feedback. I generally don't like any photos of myself and I don't think I'm very photogenic, but I posted that second one because I didn't see the point in only posting ones that meet a certain standard if I wanted honest opinions. It was taken at the end of the day just before I went to bed.

JLT1 and Imagine kate: Thanks for your kind words, it's much appreciated

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on March 22, 2015, 12:39:09 AM
It's hard to enjoy life when everyone is staring at you and you're being treated like you're less than human and nobody will ever date you or take anything you say seriously.  Our world is not kind to trans people.  You are going to pass, that's for sure.  I think I've failed in that respect, and it wounds me because my life right now isn't good enough.  My breasts are tiny little swells.  It's as good as not having anything.  Going back...it'd be awful.  But this is hellish too, you know?  I don't think I could survive detransitioning.  I'm not able to survive being a trans woman who stands out like a freak either.  Like it or not, passing matters.  Take my story as a cautionary one: You may end up a disgusting boy/girl hybrid, a freak that nobody will ever want to so much as look at, let alone befriend, hire, or love.  I also did this to feel more comfortable, but passing is something I need to do in order to feel comfortable.  I don't feel comfortable right now at all.  I feel awful, all the time. 

There is no hope for people like me.  I've failed.  What happens from here on doesn't matter.  Unless some miracle happens and I wake up a few inches shorter with enough cash for ffs, my life is going to be a miserable hell until it finally ends.  If you transition, if anyone transitions, there is a possibility they may end up like me: Pathetic, sad, masculine-looking, and totally alone.

Right, you've asked for honest feedback so I'll give you completely honest feedback. Please note that anything negative I say could easily apply to me too because I sometimes feel exactly how you must've been feeling when you typed this.

Things you have going for you:
1. Your age
2. Your features aren't masculine. You have a nice nose and very feminine eyes.
3. Your overall bone structure is very delicate, you have elegant hands and narrow shoulders. You don't have a big or masculine upper body and you look proportionally good.
4. You have good skin.

Things that go against you.
1. That hair. I'm sorry but if you went on a university campus in the UK you'd see so many hipster guys with the same haircut. It kind of hardens your face, and you need something that softens it. Plus it will be drawing attention; it's quite a genderqueer haircut and it's one of those things that will make people question you. Grow it out and get it looked after by a decent hair salon.
2. Neater eyebrows would help a touch.
3. You ask if you should lose weight, but you have virtually non to lose, and to be honest if you put on a bit of weight it would help you a bit I think.
4. You're general outlook. If you go into every situation thinking the world is against you, thats all you'll see, and people will respond to your hostility with coldness. If you are friendly and open with people you'll start to experience all those little micro interactions with people that make life a bit more tolerable and will help your confidence.
5. FFS could help you, but its not essential and you wouldn't need much. Your chin is a little wide but nothing else stands out much.

I have to wrap this up now as Im off out in a sec, but you haven't failed. Notice how all of the things (with the exception of FFS) I've put in the 'against you' bit are fairly easy to address, without much financial outlay?
Take care and be positive

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on March 20, 2015, 01:08:25 PM
I've been doing everything I can to pass better-I'm trying to grow my hair out, I've gained a few pounds to widen my figure, but I feel like now I'm looking even more masculine than ever. 

I've sorta come to the conclusion that if I'm never going to pass, perhaps I'm not emotionally prepared to continue living authentically.  I mean, I have no friends, virtually no support, and if I can't pass, things are going to continue to be harder than I want to deal with.  My relationship prospects, my potential for a career, all of it will go out the window if people are able to tell.  I can't deal with our transphobic culture right now, and it's driving me literally insane.  So, I've realized that if I am never going to pass for cis, I'm going to seriously consider going back.  I feel like my face is getting even more masculine as time goes on.  So, please, I beg of you-be honest.  Please, be brutally honest.  The amount of dishonesty I've seen on this thread is troubling; I'm not looking for emotional support.  I'm considering a major life decision, and I need FACTS if I'm going to make it correctly.  I'm wearing light makeup in three of the four pictures; in the fully body one, my hair is wet.  I'm six feet tall, very tall.  Too tall. 









Again, please be honest.  This time isn't about feeling good about myself, it's about weather or not I should detransition.

hun you look totally passable to me you have a amazing slim figure and very gem shape and I don't see any masculine aspects to your face.
I'm full time and I no I don't pass.
When u look at your pics I'm actually jealous and envious you look amazing.
Keep going xxoo


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The staring thing is odd because I'm fair certain I'm not pretty and I do get clocked on occasion (much rarer now though) but absolutely no one stares at me in passing at all.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on March 21, 2015, 07:35:47 PM
She's the exception, not the rule.  Listen, I'm happy that some people are able to do this, really.  And in this economy?  Come on.  Getting ahold of 40k disposable income is far from easy, and the few people that manage at are incredibly lucky.  I'm studying theatre (which if not for my need for surgery I'd have NO qualms whatsoever in pursuing) and my parents won't let me change at this point...also, they pull in about ~300k a year, so it's pretty ->-bleeped-<-ed up that they aren't about to support me in this.

I don't think you would need 40k worth of procedures in your case. just to put things in perspective say you wanted to get maybe just brow bossing done or chin shaved, and lets just say it had a $10,000k price tag.(you can probably get it done cheaper)

If you saved about $275 a month for 3 years, you would be there. thats like $70 a week. Even with a $10/hour job thats not too hard of a goal. You just have to be disciplined. Also i think you said you are in school? Take out some student loans and put the money towards the surgery. When i was in college i used most of my student loan/grant money for living expenses. (apartment rent, food, etc). Just some ideas, because even if you don't have a career, the idea of saving a good chunk of money is not THAT hard. I understand that the FFS is important to you, if you want it bad enough, I'm sure you can make it happen.

and true you might not be able to get hired as a professional in an office setting, but here are some ideas for employment as a student and still have a unique hipster fashion sense. Maybe look for businesses hiring in your LGBT community.

1. work on campus
2. Coffee shop
3. Restaurent as a waiter (you can make nice tips)
4. retail stores clothing jewelry
5. music stores

I've only recently started identifying as female and I've been thinking a lot about transition. I haven't had any operations or taken any hormones, I barely know how to shave properly. I guess I just need to know if I could pass as female if I do decide to do my hair, put on makeup and perform a complete transition.



My cheeks are a bit bloated, been trying to lose some weight lately.
Honest opinions appreciated, thank you.

You have a great foundation to pass from with your face already it looks so young and rounded on the most.
Mariah

Quote from: Nyctelios on March 22, 2015, 08:21:02 AM
I've only recently started identifying as female and I've been thinking a lot about transition. I haven't had any operations or taken any hormones, I barely know how to shave properly. I guess I just need to know if I could pass as female if I do decide to do my hair, put on makeup and perform a complete transition.



My cheeks are a bit bloated, been trying to lose some weight lately.
Honest opinions appreciated, thank you.

You really do pass more than you think and your hair is a huge reason why that is true. I'm sorry that you don't see that in yourself because I truly wish that you could. It's true your face isn't perfect, but most woman's faces are not. We all have different flaws that we don't like about them. If you were to aim at any location for FFS the strong jaw of yours would be the spot. Clearly you are happier having transitioned and I know your posting these to see if you should detransition. Being that the case, would you truly be happier having detransitioned and could you live with yourself doing so. After all it's your call and I hope you find peace with whatever choice you choose. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on March 21, 2015, 07:29:45 PM



I don't know why I'm posting even more of these (no makeup this time, unflattering light, etc), I feel like I'm just torturing myself.  But if it's never going to happen and I need to go back, so be it.  I was utterly and completely miserable as a man.  But, hey, it's not like I'm any happier now-except now people stare at me in public and I have to worry about getting attacked every time I leave the dorm room/being totally unemployable.  My voice is good.  My posture is bad, but I'm working on that.  My hair is growing out now, it's a mess.  And I've been on HRT for two years...I wonder, since my cheeks have filled out, I've actually been finding that some of my masculine features are more prominent since my cheekbones are less visible.  I wonder if that means I should try to lose some weight?  I don't know. 

If I'm never going to pass, it goes without saying I should detransition, I'm not prepared for the social cost of being out to EVERYONE I meet, weather I like it or not.

Don't look great in that picture, first day getting my hair done, still trying out various ways to wear it. Been used to seeing myself as male for so long, kind of hard to see if I can pass for myself..

Honest feedback welcomed, thanks. :3

Quote from: Nyctelios on March 22, 2015, 08:21:02 AM
I've only recently started identifying as female and I've been thinking a lot about transition. I haven't had any operations or taken any hormones, I barely know how to shave properly. I guess I just need to know if I could pass as female if I do decide to do my hair, put on makeup and perform a complete transition.



My cheeks are a bit bloated, been trying to lose some weight lately.
Honest opinions appreciated, thank you.

Eyebrows and hair should do a lot for you on its own.

Hormones may do something too.

Quote from: Gerby on March 22, 2015, 12:53:32 PM


Don't look great in that picture, first day getting my hair done, still trying out various ways to wear it. Been used to seeing myself as male for so long, kind of hard to see if I can pass for myself..

Honest feedback welcomed, thanks. :3

Definite pass for me, like girl next door pass.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on March 21, 2015, 07:29:45 PM



I don't know why I'm posting even more of these (no makeup this time, unflattering light, etc), I feel like I'm just torturing myself.  But if it's never going to happen and I need to go back, so be it.  I was utterly and completely miserable as a man.  But, hey, it's not like I'm any happier now-except now people stare at me in public and I have to worry about getting attacked every time I leave the dorm room/being totally unemployable.  My voice is good.  My posture is bad, but I'm working on that.  My hair is growing out now, it's a mess.  And I've been on HRT for two years...I wonder, since my cheeks have filled out, I've actually been finding that some of my masculine features are more prominent since my cheekbones are less visible.  I wonder if that means I should try to lose some weight?  I don't know. 

If I'm never going to pass, it goes without saying I should detransition, I'm not prepared for the social cost of being out to EVERYONE I meet, weather I like it or not.

The side is looking very femme to me.

The front is less so but this highlights one of the things pointed out - your hair style. Change that and you would probably be surprised.

Then again it sounds like you want to detransition so I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise. Best of luck in life.

Im not trans but i figured im on a trans forum so why not join the fun Enjoyyyyyyyy

Using avatar pic for this.

Was taken back in October last year, was on hormones for 7 months, full time for 6.

Quote from: Sapphire87 on March 22, 2015, 04:06:35 PM
Using avatar pic for this.

Was taken back in October last year, was on hormones for 7 months, full time for 6.

You look great, very feminine

Quote from: codyfletcher on March 22, 2015, 02:18:05 PM


Im not trans but i figured im on a trans forum so why not join the fun Enjoyyyyyyyy

you are on the cusp of masculinity and femininity, and I honestly cannot say for sure which one I see you as. but since you are wearing a hello kitty hoodie, I'll say female. 

Quote from: ImagineKate on March 22, 2015, 01:52:42 PM
The side is looking very femme to me.

The front is less so but this highlights one of the things pointed out - your hair style. Change that and you would probably be surprised.

Then again it sounds like you want to detransition so I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise. Best of luck in life.

I don't want to though!  I'm just tired of being so ostracized, getting weird looks...and I'm scared that nobody is ever going to love me.  I'm a girl...I just wish I was treated differently.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on March 22, 2015, 06:12:05 PM
I don't want to though!  I'm just tired of being so ostracized, getting weird looks...and I'm scared that nobody is ever going to love me.  I'm a girl...I just wish I was treated differently.

That's just it, you're given TONS of advice here yet all we hear is I don't wanna/can't/not gonna. So what you want us to say babe? I'm very sorry but it almost seems like you want to detransition but want us to justify it so you can clear your conscience. So I'm not going to tell you otherwise. Your choice is your choice!

Willing to take some of our advice about your hair and other stuff and give it a good old fashioned try hon? Please pretty please?

Quote from: ImagineKate on March 22, 2015, 06:36:55 PM
That's just it, you're given TONS of advice here yet all we hear is I don't wanna/can't/not gonna. So what you want us to say babe? I'm very sorry but it almost seems like you want to detransition but want us to justify it so you can clear your conscience. So I'm not going to tell you otherwise. Your choice is your choice!

Willing to take some of our advice about your hair and other stuff and give it a good old fashioned try hon? Please pretty please?

Of course, I mean I'm already growing it out.  You have to understand, in it's current state this style is pretty much the only option I have, and I'm a few years away from getting to a point where it's good.  Once I get there, if it looks good, I really hope it does...idk.  I'm gonna put a pink hi light in it, that's not something I'm so ready to give up!