Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on April 03, 2015, 12:20:43 AM
Not really. There are sex characteristics hon, men look a certain way and women look a certain way...and that's how the world will see you if you don't look like a woman should. I'm sorry, but I'm not able to live as a trans woman if I look like a man.
Do I need to relax my hair, then, to not look like a man?
My hair is probably curlier than yours, and I know many beautiful girls with curls, corkscrews, and kinks in their hair. You might try different ways of caring for your hair. For instance, there's something called the Curly Girl method for making the most of your curls by not treating curls the way you would straight hair; while I don't use all of their methods, I definitely learnt a lot from that method about what works best for my hair type. Before it, I just had frizz; now, I can at least sometimes count on good hair days. Whether or not that specific method would work for you isn't the point so much as that you may just need to learn what works best for your own hair. If that means embracing your curls and treating them better, go for it. If that means straightening it, do that. Do what makes you happiest and gives you the best chance for mental equilibrium.
In the makeup photo you posted, you look a lot more femme--and passably so--than the photo without it. Note that your expression is different in each--you look happier in the made-up image, gloomier and more stereotypically masculine in the other. I get this--because I'm still pre-HRT and not done with my beard removal, I sometimes feel depressed when I take off my makeup and see what was underneath--but I'm also learning to try to love myself more, and as I do that, something in my expression, even without makeup, changes. And some ciswomen simply do look dramatically different without makeup; you may be like that, but I'm still confident you could pass better, without makeup, once you learn more about how to play around with your hair and how to smile more. And your voice sample, which I heard in the voice forum, is incredibly good--perfectly passable, actually. I wish I was half as good, voice-wise, as you. Voice is a big factor in how people will read you in social settings, and you're doing fine there.
I don't think you will be happier detransitioning from what I've read on here. And it breaks my heart that you have to steal the makeup you have and that you feel so alone. But you have people on here for support, for a start. Can you find some kind of other LGBT group to attend, maybe? Find a connection to more people through there? Ask the campus group if there are other groups?
But you also have to stop seemingly begging people on here to tell you negative things. It's easy to fall into such a cycle of masochism, of wanting others to confirm your worst self-impressions. Lying to bolster your confidence isn't the answer, either, but surely there is a truer and better place to be found in-between those two extremes, and I think most of us on here have tried to direct you to such a place. You have things going for you visually and aurally that some of us can only hope for. Take what you have, and use it to go from there.
