This is really personal to me, but I really needed to get this out and I don't have anywhere I'm okay with getting it out that people don't know who I am ....... so I have chronic constipation, which is something I've just recently accepted, and I've put off going to see a doctor about it FOREVER. But I do have an appointment in a couple of days. And I was thinking about impacted feces, which is so gross, but which I think I probably have -- so I googled how to get rid of that, because I didn't know if it's a surgery or what. Well, apparently, it probably includes a doctor putting a finger/fingers up your butt to get it out........................................i read that and i started crying. i haven't in weeks, maybe even months. but i started bawling at that thought. i can't have my pants off with a doctor....... or have them going anywhere near that area........ and now i'm terrified. i want this problem to be dealt with, but if that's how to do it, i CANT. im terrified to go to the doctor and have them tell me that's what it's gonna be, and i'm gonna start BAWLING in there. i don't know how i could possibly be okay with this situation. this is mostly just to vent because i am panicking.... but also, if anyone has any suggestions of how to help.... please let me know.
oh, and for the record, it's not a doctor i've ever met before. just someone random at my college. so there's absolutely no comfort at all. for all i know he doesn't understand what trans even is. i'm so scared.
