Hello all~ I'm here and not very happy unfortunately. I have join those with Gender Dysphoria. I found this site looking for answers and now I am here joining the community. I'm surprised to see to how many others face similar problems. I might be a little unfortunate as my will is little weaker compare to most of you. I don't have any friends to help support me and definitely not very good at this online stuff. I play games on my computer to escape reality but after realizing what has made me so depressed I can't help but feel worse and worse. Today I felt like dying as rode with my mom from making an appointment at a endocrinologist. I made a mistake and ended wasting my mom's time and gas. I feel like crap and really much more depress. I had a therapy session but all my therapist did was tell me to start HRT and that when I get insurance to do more sessions. The problem is that everyday I'm feeling worse and worse, the therapy session didn't help much. In a way I felt like I just wasted my money to waste more money. Money is an issue in my part but so is time. I have looked into finding a LGBT community near where I live but after I found one my mom had that face of "It's really far and I know you are just going to do nothing". It's starting to feel like this condition is a bother to those around me and that's what killing me. my parents are accepting but you can tell it's also a bit problematic. I want to tell them all this waiting is slowly killing me and that I am not feeling well but I get the feeling it is only going to stress everyone more. My mom is already suffering from so much stress, I don't know what to do. It just feels like I'm just causing stress and money. My lack of close friends and a good job was due to this condition that I had since I was born. To realize this is what has made me so depress all these years and even suicidal just surprises me so much. Reading a lot of people's stories does calm me a bit, but I not sure if starting transitioning is helping me. I already lack friends and I can only imagine how much harder it will be after I am labeled Transgender. Sorry to start off on the wrong foot here but this my story. I know its a really really a pessimistic way to start, but I honestly don't have anything good to say. This condition has ruined my life and I don't know how to fix it. It only makes me feel worse knowing it cost money, "you want help well it going to cost you". I think what makes therapy hard is talking knowing you are being charged for every minute. Then yesterday I tried to become closer with some of what you call normal friends but I felt like an outcast. They only make jokes and I could only look away with that feeling of been alienated. I wish people could read minds so hiding stuff would be impossible.. maybe then It might make my life easier.
anyways nice meeting you guys. I'm really hoping exploring this site might help a bit. Sorry again for making this intro not so happy and friendly.
As for a little about me:
I am from Colombia
I speak spanish, English and japanese
My favourite color is orange
I like birds and bunnies
I'm really really shy.. I am that guy that sits in the back away from everyone. I am very scared to meet new people, I can barely hold a conversation.
I can be very understanding but won't say anything.
I know how to make others smile besides my self.
I suffer from strange phobias such as trypophobia (holes), amaxophobia (driving), agoraphobias(open spaces, crowds), anthropophobia (people), anginophobia (choking), lastrophobia (doctors)
well that's just a little about me. I am a bit of an odd ball :S
I hope to learn more about you guys
