Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on November 16, 2007, 03:56:20 PM
Did anyone else have self-doubts about being TS or wanting to transition? If so how or
what allowed you to move forward? Did you just become so un-happy being in male mode?
I never doubted needing to be a girl, but I did question:
1) Is TSism what it appears to be? Or is it really just some weird psychological problem?
2) Will transition really work? Or will I be the proverbial "man in a dress" for the rest of my life?I NEVER thought transitioning would work for me (heck, come to think of it, I STILL don't believe it worked, lol). One of the first things I said to my therapist was,
"It's not that I don't know if I want to transition - I do - but I don't know if I CAN transition. There's just no way I'll ever be anything but a feminized man to everyone." Even when I committed to transitioning, I STILL didn't believe it would work. I fully expected I'd end up a laughingstock, and would... well... just end it all when I did. I figured at least I'd die knowing I tried though.
That was my biggest doubt though... and in posting this I'm realizing it's STILL haunting me.
What allowed me to move forward? I think it was just realizing, in a direct and clear way, that I AM female... I literally, actually and in a very real way AM a girl. It's not AS IF, I'm not a boy who wants to be a girl, I'm not a guy who wants femininity... I AM FEMALE. And once you SEE that... not just intellectually as a cute theory, but I mean SEE it with a heartbreaking clarity... you really have no choice about what to do.
~Kate~