Quote from: Northern Jane on April 09, 2015, 11:46:31 AM
Well, for me, as sure as I was (and I was awfully sure!) those years of living en femme, at least part time, were very important. It was the first time I began to see who "the other me" could be, the first glimpse of who I might be unbounded. It turned out to be a pale shadow of who I eventually became but at least I knew there was something there.

Same experience... the times where I was on HRT and yet not full-time, just going out and being myself, gave me a bunch of perfect little glimpses into how great life could be when I was finally free to be myself. Those feelings were confirmed now that I've gone full-time and I'm accepted as my true self by everyone. I wouldn't trade my current social life for the world, and I love every moment that I'm out and accepted and just living my everyday life without having to think about my body.

Problem is, once I get home again and I'm just alone with myself, I'm still dealing with a crapton of body dysphoria. And frankly, it's not much better than it was pre-transition. And this body dysphoria occasionally still intrudes into my social life, where it makes me feel so depressed and so un-confident about my appearance that I have breakdowns where I start questioning myself because I can't believe that people accept me as the person they accept me as because I get so hung up on how not female my body seems to me.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on April 09, 2015, 01:19:26 PM
Same experience... the times where I was on HRT and yet not full-time, just going out and being myself, gave me a bunch of perfect little glimpses into how great life could be when I was finally free to be myself. Those feelings were confirmed now that I've gone full-time and I'm accepted as my true self by everyone. I wouldn't trade my current social life for the world, and I love every moment that I'm out and accepted and just living my everyday life without having to think about my body.

This is something I totally identify with!  The number of times I have come home from a social engagement and said to myself "Finally - and it feels so right!".  For the first time in my life I enjoy flirting with guys and receiving the attention, but that's when the discomfort kicks in:  while I'm not quite that spontaneous, right now, pre SRS I am careful not to flirt to the point where something might go further.  It's weird, because I didn't have much genital dysphoria before, but right now, both due to my upcoming SRS and my comparative success in flirting with guys, the dysphoria is much more noticeable.  It's a strong brake.

Julia

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on April 09, 2015, 02:21:41 PM
This is something I totally identify with!  The number of times I have come home from a social engagement and said to myself "Finally - and it feels so right!".  For the first time in my life I enjoy flirting with guys and receiving the attention, but that's when the discomfort kicks in:  while I'm not quite that spontaneous, right now, pre SRS I am careful not to flirt to the point where something might go further.  It's weird, because I didn't have much genital dysphoria before, but right now, both due to my upcoming SRS and my comparative success in flirting with guys, the dysphoria is much more noticeable.  It's a strong brake.

Julia

Julia,

Interesting.
Contrary to you, my dysphoria has been mild and very sporadic as I have never been on HRT.
Generally women tend to flirt with me rather than men, although I usually drink with men.

barbie~~

I can state that for me (who has had brushes with self-mutilation in the past) that SRS will be an immense relief and let me feel "whole" about myself, and therefore more confident about myself. So the results do not surprise me at all, at least from my perspective.