So I have got myself into an awkward situation at work, I told my manager and HR department that I am transitioning about 9 months ago I have been in process about two years now had a lot of weight to lose. At this point I only wear women's clothing at all times. The women at work seem to have socially accepted me; I now have lunch with them everyday and work out them during break times. I was hoping to be on HRT by this point, but that is couple of months off now.  I have told a few other people at work, it should be obvious to everyone by now as I carry purse wear dangling ear rings lol. I have as of yet addressed the pronoun issue or bathroom stuff, my hope was as I transitioned and started HRT people would naturally see me as the woman that I am and start to address and treat me as such.  I really didn't want to do a big announcement thing, I should not have to declare who I am I should just be allowed to be me like everyone else. I didn't want to start using the ladies room and ask people too address me as she till I started HRT. I am starting too get uncomfortable using the men's room, having guys walk in when I am putting on lipstick is a bit weird. The delay in starting HRT is really starting to upset me if I think about it too much I start to cry, my transition has been in a holding pattern for months now.
  Sorry about the rambling screed I just need to vent.

Well everyone transitions at their own pace and in their own way but it does seem like you have a few things out of synch. It's great that you are getting traction with your female colleagues so why not just fully transition now? Sure it would be nice to be on HRT but that will be soon anyway. How are you progressing with beard removal etc?  If your workplace is supportive and you already feel integrated then you should consider it. I understand wishing that we didn't have to make the "big announcement" but at the moment it is still a major factor of transition...

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 20, 2015, 05:01:13 PM
Well everyone transitions at their own pace and in their own way but it does seem like you have a few things out of synch. It's great that you are getting traction with your female colleagues so why not just fully transition now? Sure it would be nice to be on HRT but that will be soon anyway. How are you progressing with beard removal etc?  If your workplace is supportive and you already feel integrated then you should consider it. I understand wishing that we didn't have to make the "big announcement" but at the moment it is still a major factor of transition...

MY transition is pretty odd I admit, but I was at the do or die point was seriously thinking of killing myself, I already was doing that with my self destructive behavior. I had tried presenting as androgynous for a awhile, but it didn't help me enough.   
Not sure what you mean by fully transition, I am full time have been for sometime now and I feel so much happier now. Socially I think I am doing well most of time when I go out I get addressed as female. Work is another story though I have worked with some of these people for over ten years, nobody has really said much about how I look got some questions from one woman about what I carry in my purse told her same stuff as you. My physical transition can only go so far without HRT and it is becoming quite distressing to me. I realize I am going to have to do the big announcement thing, I just wish I didn't have to. I know that when I do I will get very emotional  and I will be crying while I do, it will be like coming out to my family all over again.

By fully transition I mean at work as well, change your name if you haven't, request correct pronouns, request use of the female facilities. If HRT is only a few months away you'll be on it before you know it!

I don't see why you can't use the female restrooms if you aren't presenting female. Remember it's about presentation not hormones. People see your presentation. They do not do a blood test to confirm you're hormonally a woman.

I use the female restrooms everywhere but at work, I didn't want to make any of the women there feel uncomfortable. I think that most of them would be ok with it, I just don't like confrontation or drawing attention to myself. I know I have to be more assertive I think I will try to address the pronoun thing at lunch tomorrow. They have heard me called ma'am by waitresses before. I realize that transition by osmosis with people that have known me in the past is not going to happen, its so much easier with strangers.

Quote from: Stevie on April 20, 2015, 08:53:01 PM
I know I have to be more assertive ... I realize that transition by osmosis with people that have known me in the past is not going to happen, its so much easier with strangers.

Yes and yes.

 I talked with my friend in HR today she is someone I came out to a couple of years ago before she worked in HR, and we are going to work out a timeline for my transition at work. My company does not have a written policy that covers this , however I live California and the business I work for is an aerospace defense contractor so I do have both state and federal law that back me up.

You will feel better after letting more folks at work know. I told most of my immediate coworkers by email, my bosses in person and my bosses have spread word to the higher ups and other department heads. It meant that when I went in to work as me I was able to just start being me. There are ways to do it without you having to give an awkward speach but however you do it it will all be better when it is all over.

I can tell You the feeling of relief You will feel when You are finally recognised as female at work in is absolutely wonderful .You can then spread Your wings and become the person You have always been but hid away .People say to Me that they have known Me for 20 years and I have smiled and laughed more in the 2 weeks since I came out then I ever did in the previous 20 years .That is due entirely to be able to relax and let my feminine side fly .And I have never been happier in My life .So go for it Girl and never look back

Toni

Hang in there GF. Maybe try to push for HRT sooner, demand some help, scream, cry, beg whatever but get started with some nice estrogen. Then you will feel better I hope. Good luck, don't let people put you off, stand up strong GF.

Quote from: Stevie on April 20, 2015, 01:35:17 PM
I have as of yet addressed the pronoun issue or bathroom stuff, my hope was as I transitioned and started HRT people would naturally see me as the woman that I am and start to address and treat me as such.  I really didn't want to do a big announcement thing.

I dunno, but perhaps You should be aware that this might not happen that easily or not happen at all. People will see what they are used to see (that is in their nature) and changes under HRT are quite subtle so Your co-workers may simply re-adjust their mental image of Yours and start believing that You have always looked that way. I have currently hit this barrier at work and it is quite frustrating place to be, because outside of work people immediately gender me as female whereas for co-workers I am a guy.

 Company is having a meeting tomorrow HR is going to confirm what everyone probably already knows.  My passive aggressive approach worked to get me to this point but I am tired of getting misgenderd and called by my old name. Most people there have been calling me Stevie for awhile now I just never mentioned the pronoun thing. I should be getting my new lab coats with my name on them this week too, went from a 3XL to a large  

 Things went well today at work, everyone already knew so that part of my open transition worked out ok. One woman I confided in couple of years ago has been there for me when I needed to talk or was having a horrid day, she is our HR rep as well, she set up and conducted the meeting she has been so supportive of me I can't thank or praise her enough. Another woman I have worked with for ten years said she never really knew me before but she really likes me now that she has gotten to know me, I used to be so distant and detached from everyone.