Yesterday my ex.. and best friend said she was going to dinner tonight.. with a guy she knew before me.. a long time ago.. not just any guy.. he is one of the most respected judges in the area.. they are going to dinner then to a ball on Saturday night.
Well I have encouraged her and love her enough to let go and not show emotion but I must admit it hurts.
Its painful to let go of so much to be yourself.. the gain is worth the pain but damn.... pain and happiness I suppose we have to have both in our lives.
I miss the old me.. the dude that was so cool and bigger than life.. but I love the new me.. the real genuine person I am.. the fighter.. with new goals in life.. more healthy goals to help others and fight for what is right for others.
I have a new mission .. in life and its not just about me anymore.
So a rebirth is best way to explain it.. my old self is almost completely gone.. just a memory of someone I used to know.  Its sad.. I miss him like everyone else.. and he is sad..
The small part of the old me still cries out.. why.. what happened.. why did I give it all up...
So, I know a lot of my posts are so positive but trust me I have issues.. and hard times like everyone..
Love u all
Dodie

I love reading your posts. They are so helpful. I just met with a therapist this week. I am getting divorced and I think it is awesome that you are friends with your ex. I am thinking about everything ahead of me and it is scary but  when i read about everyone here it lets me know it is possible and I am not the only person going through this. It can be hard to let go of the past. I love my wife and want her to be happy too but there is still a feeling of loss there. You are an amazing person and thank you for sharing your life with us.

Hey Toni thank you..
I remember my sister saying that I needed to go through the mourning process.. we both needed to move through that.. And I thought how in the world am I ever going to get through this..
Therapy, so important.  Just because someone is a therapist does not make them perfect either so if you ever feel the person you are working with is not right get a new one...
You can ask around the local community.. lgbt groups for names..
My first one was out of town and I thought I liked her but my second one that was local.. OMG so good and so helpful.
I don't know if you can search my first post.. and posts when I started my journey.. which was not that long ago but it might help to read some of them.. I have.. and I have cried because I see how lost I was...how I was searching for the right thing to do..all I do know is Dodie wanted out.. period.. and she won..!

I am currently waiting on our hearing date (probably in early May), and we have been separated for 11 months. I was crushed back in December when I found out she already had a new bf via an inadvertently tagged FB post. I thought we would be together forever, but transition was a deal-breaker evidently.

I've been down this road too. My ex left and went back to Texas and shortly afterward I got an email from our cellular company notifying me of a change in our account and it had a guys name on it I didn't know. I knew it was going to happen but when it did it really stung me. We do have to go through a grieving process - give yourself time for that and try to keep yourself very busy during this time with your support network. The worst thing you can do right now is sit around by yourself thinking "what if" and putting yourself into a depression. It is a very hard time I know but there are better days ahead. Just be happy for her if you can and stay as civil as possible and stay busy - you've got a new life to get started with after all. We are here for you too.

Hey Dodie

I admire how big-hearted you are.  It's also an amazing thing that your ex wife has been open and willing to remain a friend; heaven know that mine would have run a mile at the speed of light.

You ex wife's going on a date is actually a big step for your own emancipation, even though perhaps this is not obvious right now: you are in the process of letting go to some extent of the comfortable past and embrace an interesting future.

Sunshine and clouds - that's how it is for all of us, though we'd hope for more sun than rain.  Mourn the boy who used to be, but not for too long, and rejoice in being the girl you now are.  I think I was probably an ok guy, but the girl is a wonderfully more confident and assured figure - all she needs is some help opening bottles from time to time, and a few tweaks to her anatomy.   

With our rebith, it's a wonderful thing to change focus, open up and see how we can be better people, more caring.  These are great aspirations, and I wish you luck with them.

Could we really have stayed in our previous lives?  Well, perhaps.   But at what personal cost?  I think we only get one crack at this world, and every day needs to matter in some way.  And self realisation is only possible for us to achieve when we realise that we are not who we truly feel we are and we place ourselves in a less easy, less comfortable place in order to become that person both internally and externally.  I've had a wonderful transition, yet this does not preclude the occasional moment of reflection on the changes in my life and how this has affected both me and the people close to me.  We wouldn't be human if we didn't consider such things.

Hugs
Julia

Dodie,  just reading your original post really connected with my biggest fear and brought me to tears. Thanks for being so honest and open.

One of the most difficult aspects of my transition was processing my feelings as my then not-quite-divorced ex started seeing other people and expressing her sexuality.  We stayed friends for many years post-divorce.  It's been nearly 17 years since we first split up so that I could transition, and I still love her as much as I ever did.  Compared to letting our marriage go, the rest of transition was easy.

Sadly, 7 years ago my ex cut off all contact with me just before giving birth to her first child with her new husband.  It seems that her new husband had a problem with her and me being friends.  I love her enough to respect her decision and to let our friendship go.  It does get easier over time.  But for me at least, that little ache in my heart never really goes away.

I've moved on, loved again, and even remarried 7 years ago.  And I love my current spouse and would do anything for her.  Nevertheless, my first wife will always have a very special, bittersweet corner of my heart all to herself.

Be kind to yourself, Dodie.  The 14th century Persian poet, Hafiz, said 700 years, "Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive."  Truer words were never spoken.  Letting go of a cherished marriage might never actually feel better than it feels right now, but does become easier to handle as time settles over the raw, exposed nerves like a callous.

Be well!

Girls.. wow love you all and thanks for the replies.. they are so amazing and meaningful to me!
I don't have time to think right now.. just busy but will post the after date thing last night.. all is well but was an emotional evening for both of us....and will comment on some of the Replies..
Love
Dodie
PS is you want to friend me on facebook I am Keri Elizabeth Brinlee

So,
Her date picked her up at 7:30.. i kept busy did not want to think about it.. I needed something from her house but for some reason could not go there.. Used to be our house.. just wanted to stay away.. I knew she would call me when she got home.  I saw my therapist at 4:30 that afternoon.. it was not scheduled but I needed to talk.. she is amazing and helped me a lot.

My feelings were all over the place..
Julia is right.. even though I did not know it at the time this has been helping me to move on.. its another step forward.. I can not go back.. I will never be male again.. I am too happy with my body now.. I love who I am.. I am a happy person.. life is hard as it is but when we throw in transition.. wow.. its a challenge.. so many emotions and things we have to work through and it takes time. 
I want to grow from this.. to be better than I was.. to grow up!.. To make a difference.. to be a world changer.. not just a passenger on this big globe we call home.
I am going to be a bad ass chick one day.. my time is coming.. and I am growing into that new person.  But the ride is not always smooth.. after all I am on that dang E..... LOL.. but wow is it ever great..

So now to the after time.. when she called.. I answered.. I knew she would want me there so I went to the house to say hi.. and get what I needed.
She was visibly upset.. and said she could not quit thinking about Doug.. She said I miss him so so much.. I am in such pain.. I don't want to give in and date but I have to move on.. I love you and don't want to hurt you.. then she said "you know.. I will always love you more than anyone I am with no matter what".  And then my tears fell.. hard.. crying now as I write.  I told her I know.. and you are free.. I will never be Doug again.. I can't and we both know that.. I am so sorry I had to change.... I miss him too.. I miss our old lives our regular lives we lived..
If you get a chance listen to Fleetwood Mac  Landslide.. that is my song.. I relate to it so much. I had everything.. I had it all I just did not have peace.. the peace that comes from being me.. the me I am.. I am not a guy.. never have been never can be. 
So we had a good cry.. we hugged.. I made her laugh about something to see her smile and kissed her and went home...
So that is it.. we made it through the first date... we think it will get easier.. I want her to smile.. be happy.. be happy like I made her happy..
We know we will be Best girl friends forever.. and that is something.. and we embrace that..
Love
Dodie

Hiya Dodie

I've read your post, and there is nothing to say...

Except this:  onwards sister; there's a world out there for us to conquer.

Huge hugs from Madrid
Julia

Hugs Dodie - your experience is *very* familiar - I heard the same from my ex and we shared the same sentiments - and I spent time listening to that song. My heart hurts for you because I know what you are dealing with. Hang on - you'll always have a sweet spot for her in your heart but life goes on and I promise it does get better.

Hey Dodie it's nice to see you moving along.

My heart reaches out to the both of you. I really feel for her since she will have to start over. Sometimes life is just so unfair but maybe it's for the best?

I know that has to be really painful. Hugs Dodie.

Hey girls thanks again for your support.
I have said in the past I haver never been so happy and sad at the same time.
Me every day!
Love Dodie

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 24, 2015, 01:42:48 AM
I know that has to be really painful. Hugs Dodie.

This... to Dodie and all of us who are currently in this situation or have been. <3