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how long did it take you to get over the fear of going out in public

Started by stephaniec, May 02, 2015, 07:30:27 PM

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stephaniec

I've been going out in public on and off for 20 years, but it's not until recently being full time that I'm starting to get a handle on the fear.  Everyday now I still have to talk myself into getting out the door , but it's definitely getting easier. One thing that helping me is the fact that I'm on the tract to get GRS and it's easier to convince my self to get out the door knowing once my body totally matches my identity there should be no fear what so ever of totally being who I am.
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iKate

I'm still kind of afraid but I do it anyway and once I realize nobody's staring at me or laughing at me I just don't worry anymore. It gets easier every time.

In fact in guy clothes I get stared at a lot more. Like a loooooooot more now. En femme? Not even a second look, except in places like construction sites where I've even gotten cat called a few times.
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iKate

Btw it took me about 2 months dressing at home before I first went out and what basically forced me to was my therapist appt, I did not want to go presenting male.
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Yenneffer

Hugs I love you brothers and sisters just forgive this confused girl
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Ms Grace

I can't really comment on the first time I attempted transition, it was so long ago now that I can't remember my frame of mind when going out. I think I was most afraid of being stopped by the cops while driving since my licence and rego were in my male name. Other than that I think I was OK.

Despite the twenty plus years gap I was able to retain that mostly-confident mind set when starting out again. My very first trip out the front door was a quick trip in the dark to take out the trash which remarkably prepped me more than I expected. The very next day I went to see my counsellor at the Gender Center - walked to the train station via the large mall near where I live, caught a train, walked to the center, then afterwards caught the train into the city and walked to work! Got changed at work. It was an absolute buzz.

I had a few more trips out to various things over the next couple of weeks, each one a bit more demanding than the other. The most testing was going to an art show being put on by a friend, it was in a very crowded place and I was so freaked I almost didn't go in... pushed through my fear and had a fantastic evening which included dinner afterwards with a number of other women at the show. It was shortly after that moment that I decided I was probably more ready than I realised.

So yeah, I wouldn't say I wasn't afraid in those earlier moments, but not letting the fear own me, making sure I was safe and making sure I had a reasonable escape strategy if needs be really helped me through.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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enigmaticrorschach

the last couple of times i went out, it was like any normal walk for me. because i had my hood on and my voice is in the middle but i can make it higher or lower, i just get ma'am until i pull my hood off and they're like i'm sry, which i can't help but giggle at
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Zoetrope

Not too long. The first time was the hardest.

Since then it's kept getting easier. Nowadays I don't even think about it.
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Mariah

Not long this time around at all which is why it took about a month to reach full time from when I started to change things up and gradually phase out the guys clothing.
Mariah
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me.
[email]mariahsusans.orgstaff@yahoo.com[/email]
I am also spouse of a transgender person.
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stephaniec

I guess for some reason it's taken me awhile, I remember the first time going out in daylight whooooooooooa.
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Ms Grace

Technically I can still go out the door in male mode and not male fail. I'm now actually more terrified of doing that than I ever was when I was starting out in girl mode.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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stephaniec

I try not to go out in male mode ,but if I do its still pretty much getting sired , but lately I have gotten a few Ma'am's and some ponderous looks.
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Lady Smith

For the first couple of months of going full time I would sometimes get anxiety attacks so bad I started to think I had something wrong with my heart.  My very good GP at the time went so far as to book me in for cardiac testing to prove to me that there was nothing wrong with my heart and somehow after doing that my problems with anxiety just faded away and I was ok.
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Zoetrope

Haha, it freaks people out the most now when I go out in male mode. I come across as some kind of mysterious third gender ...
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kittenpower

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April_TO

I am still dealing with a lot of shame and guilt hence it's making it harder on some days to head out and be who I am in the world. However, once I am out I'm ok. I've never been misgendered for quite sometime now and rarely getting attention except for a few men who checks me out.

It gets better - we just have to claim our womanhood xoxo

April
Nothing ventured nothing gained
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Valwen

The only time I had ever been out as myself was to BAGLY prom a decade ago. Which really didn't count, plus the boots I was wearing would give any woman the confidence to fight a tiger :-P

I hope to have to deal with this type of fear soon.
What is a Lie when it's at home? Anyone?
Is it the depressed little voice inside? Whispering in my ear? Telling me to give up?
Well I'm not giving up. Not for that part of me that hates myself. That part wants me to wither and die. not for you. Never for you.  --Loki: Agent of Asgard

Started HRT Febuary 21st 2015
First Time Out As Myself June 8th 2015
Full Time June 24th 2015
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noleen111

I think it took me at least year.. This is from I started exploring my crossdressing i.e. dressing up fully at home..  if I needed to go out.. back to guy mode and then when I got home back to girl mode.. If you count the first time i tried on woman's clothes.. well then its at least 6 years.

Then one day.. I was late in the evening.. i dunno i was brave.. i decided screw it.. i went out as a female.. I wore a long dress with a wig and a pair on ankle boots (3 inch heel). Ok... it was just to get milk.. i wanted to make coffee.. I was scared that I would be outed, but also excited at the same time..

going out during the day was just scary the first time.. funny my second outing was worse than the first. No one outed me and my conference grew from there. Which helped my therapist wanted me to come dressed as noleen to our sessions.. this also helped me grow confidence.  In the beginning it was very scary.. but then you cross a line and then its just normal and you realize who cares.
Enjoying ride the hormones are giving me... finally becoming the woman I always knew I was
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michelle82

I've been doing baby steps over the last 7 months, but I'm still not over the fear. It takes a lot of internal dialogue with myself every time i have to leave the house.

My face is very much male and I don't pass. So I don't really try and over-compensate by trying to look/dress super feminine, because i feel i would just stand out even more.

So i mostly look like a skinny feminine dressed guy. (its painful for me but true). I get a lot of stares because of this, which really stinks. I find that wearing big chunky sunglasses during the day helps me with not feeling so self-conscious. Cause people can barely see my face.
Hair Removal - 10/1/14
HRT - 3/18/15
Full Time - 7/1/15
Name Change: 8/4/15
FFS - 1/14/16



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Beverly

"How long did it take you to get over the fear of going out in public?"

I just did it. I had reached the point where I did not care about the opinions of strangers. I just socially transitioned and about a year later began HRT.

Why do you care what strangers think? You do not know these people. Their opinions are irrelevant. Be yourself.
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Kellam

In a way it took me the 20 years or so that I have strugled with this since first identifying as trans as a teen. Back then is when I started wearing women's pants and shirts mixed in with my man clothing. I never stopped that. Once I reached full self acceptance It took me only a few days to go out fully dressed. I got past the terror by reminding myself that I felt better this way so there was no other choice. I had learned that when I first wore appropriate pants and underthings to school as a teen. That as scary as this was, it is way better if you just go with it. I wish I had taken that lesson to heart then but that's life. I still have to pep talk myself but it is getting easier. Sometimes I will change out of the clothes I want to wear. But I am learning how to put them back on, to wear what I want. I have been rocking a fairly androgynous look since starting full time and I am now mixing in more and more feminine items.
https://atranswomanstale.wordpress.com This is my blog A Trans Woman's Tale -Chris Jen Kellam-Scott

"You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality."   -Candy Darling



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