Hi,

I just posted my intro yesterday. A few days ago I told my wife about my desire to crossdress. It was a very difficult conversation, probably the most difficult and awkard I have ever had with my wife, but I made it through. Things seem cool now, but her reaction at the time was one of disbelief. She even thought it was a joke, that I was trying to PUNK her. I assured her it was not.

Now, I feel great about myself and I'm thinking about taking baby steps towards greater freedom of expression and a greater level of acceptance from my wife. Would anyone care to share their natural progression from the time they told their S.O. and how long it took to gain greater acceptance of your desire to express your feminine side? Any suggestions for me to follow as a progress further down my path?

Give her time. You have been dealing with this for years and reading about it and have studied and learned. She has had 1 day and has no clue about GID or anything else. I'd keep quiet for a while, she will approach you when she is ready to talk about it.

Quote from: Lori on October 25, 2007, 07:39:34 AM
Give her time. You have been dealing with this for years and reading about it and have studied and learned. She has had 1 day and has no clue about GID or anything else. I'd keep quiet for a while, she will approach you when she is ready to talk about it.

I echo what Lori said above.

It's a tricky balance, as you don't want to seem like you're pushing her now to talk about it, but you also don't want to let it become a subject to be avoided now either.

Try to keep an ear open to her concerns and needs, just BE there for her. Make sure she knows you care. And be prepared that she may at some point start wondering, "will this lead to a need to BE a woman? What does this all MEAN? Will Eve want to go out in public with me?" And so on.

I received the same "punked" reaction from my boss when I came out to him, lol. "This is a joke, right? Seriously... come on, where's the camera?"

~Kate~

Hi Kate & Lori,

Thanks for your kind words. I feel like a teenager full of excitement after revealing the big news. I even cleaned out a closet in my home that is locked and made it into a dressing room. I feel slightly liberated about telling my wife and less paranoid about hiding my clothing. Although I will take your advice and keep a low profile and wait and see what her reaction is over time.

Eve

When I told my wife that I crossdress, she was shocked at first. She came to accept it as part of me, albeit partially. It's better than nothing. I told my 20 year old son about it a couple of months back and he's okay with it. Just give her time. it's a shock at first so let the dust settle.

Gennee

I told my wife that I was a crossdresser about ten years ago.  At the time we had been married almost 30 years.  She was shocked and confused, but this has never threatened our marriage.  At first she did not want to see me dressed en femme, but after a few weeks she became curious and asked to see the skirt and sweater that I had told her I had hidden away.  A few weeks after that she came home a little earlier than expected and saw me dressed en femme for the first time.  After that it was no big deal for me to be dressed en femme at home.  I now dress en femme about once a week.  My wife often complements me on how I look.  About a year or two after I first told her, she bought me a skirt and sweater for my birthday. 

My advice is to take things slowly.  I know the "pink fog" that comes with the initial experience of coming out and the temptation is to want everything all at once.  If you push the envelope of acceptance too fast it will only cause resistance.  Listen to your wife's feelings.  Be sensitive to her needs.  The next time you feel like buying something for yourself, get her something nice, too.  Best of luck to both of you.

Thanks Louise,

I have bought my wife lots of lingerie over the years, but she has little or no interest in wearing any. I guess this may be a contributing factor for me in wanting to dress up so I can get my fix. I have far more interest in sexy lingerie and clothing than my wife ever has. I hope to be able to wear panites every day without having to hide it from my wife. But at this time I will not openly push the envelope, so as to give her more time to adjust.

Eve

My wife also has little interest in sexy lingerie.  My undies are definitely sexier than hers.  At least it is easy to tell whose is whose when we do the laundry. 

I think I have good taste in women's clothing and I try to pick out things for my wife that she will like and that look good on her.  This is not necessarily what turns me on but what she likes.

  I guess I am plain lucky.  All the women in my life including my X wives never had any qualms about my dressing.  Reason being they all met me while I was En Femme.  A couple of them met me in a ladies room and one of them even followed me home so she could meet me.  That was a strange experience and we spent 22 happy years together.

My advise to you though is the same as everyone else has given. GIVE HER SPACE TO FIGURE THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT IN HER LIFE OUT.  If youare lucky she will come around and your lives together should be better.

Remember not telling her before is a form of a lie and people do not like being lied to.  So right now she is feeling cheated and needs time to decide adjust.

Hi Oweena,

Thanks for your opinion. We were shopping in the mall today and we were in the dressing room and I was trying on a pair of Kaikis which I didn't really like, and she said that she liked them. So I jokingly told her that maybe she should wear them, her response eluded to her having to crossdress. I was surprised that she brought it up, I smiled, but I didn't say anything because I didn't expect a comment like this. I will have to think about a clever response for the next time this happens. Any suggestions? 

I'm curious about your experiences of meeting your X wives while you were dressed in Femme. Do you care to share any of those experiences, especially about the one who followed you home so she could meet you?

Eve

To be blunt you're looking for the next thing. Sounds like you're in a rush? My best advice, don't push it further. You already have pulled a big surprize out of the basket. It's going to take time for her to get used to it and make her mind up on how she wants to place this in your lives. I've heard a lot of stories about coming out and then doing all these new things. But then rejection cause the old 'normal life' is gone. Too much of a good thing perhaps.

I'm just saying be cautious and remember how things were before this happened. She needs part of that to continue with.

Quote from: Eve on October 26, 2007, 07:59:13 PM
Hi Oweena,

Thanks for your opinion. We were shopping in the mall today and we were in the dressing room and I was trying on a pair of Kaikis which I didn't really like, and she said that she liked them. So I jokingly told her that maybe she should wear them, her response eluded to her having to crossdress. I was surprised that she brought it up, I smiled, but I didn't say anything because I didn't expect a comment like this. I will have to think about a clever response for the next time this happens. Any suggestions? 

I'm curious about your experiences of meeting your X wives while you were dressed in Femme. Do you care to share any of those experiences, especially about the one who followed you home so she could meet you?

Eve

My wife also acted such way about 5 years ago. She used to recommend a specific skirt for me while shopping together. When I was shy, she purchased heels for me.

She confessed later that she had not enjoyed it, probably in 1 or 2 years, but added that she neither hated it.

My wife still wants love from me, and it's okay for her whatever I wear as long as I support my family.

Sometimes we exchange our dresses.

Barbie~~