I start a new job tomorrow (yay, so excited). It's a small office environment, the people seem friendly and open minded. I never mentioned that I was trans during the recruitment process since it wasn't relevant to the job anyway and no one seems to have twigged (that I can tell) - but that doesn't mean I want to be stealth at this workplace. While I don't want to make a big deal about it, I do want them to know that I'm trans. While I'm tempted to do it in a way that is amusing to me I figure that mightn't go the way I expect it to.

For example I was thinking (musing) that since it is a health NGO it is highly possible the topic of transgender people may come up at a meeting and I could just casually say - "well, as a transgender person... etc". Jaws drop, eyes boggle. But that of course would probably derail the discussion even if it would be pretty funny (hopefully).

I guess I'm in two minds. I don't have to out myself. But neither do I want to be stealth - I'm not ashamed of being trans and I found I benefitted greatly from being able to discuss my gender journey with colleagues at my previous job.

Ugh. I think the problem is that coming out/revealing oneself as trans is not as straightforward as coming out as gay. These days you can say "I'm gay" and most people will know exactly what you are talking about yet simply saying "I'm trans" probably means there are as many misunderstandings/assumptions about what you mean as there people in the room when you say it.

Like I said above, I don't want to make a big deal about it but I kind of feel that I shouldn't leave it too long and that a short explanation to everyone at once is likely to be in order. Or not? I don't know! Thoughts??

I would discuss with HR.

My mindset for when I do change jobs is that I won't hide it but I won't shout it from the rooftops either.

I don't see myself making a grand announcement, just telling a few coworkers without the stipulation that it remains a secret.

Good luck tomorrow... 

I would give it a while, get the vibe and then maybe broach a few, maybe a leader and say "hey you do know...."
but then again, do you really need too?

I think, if I were in that position, I would let it ride a while to just see how things run, if asked, I'd probably be honest, more-so after probationary periods are over. Also you have had the opportunity to shine.

L Katy 

It's a hard one - as you say, Grace, just by saying "I'm transgender" doesn't mean people know what it's all about. There will be some who think they "know" who will be quite wrong.

Today a younger female colleague, who didn't get the TG training attached to my transition at work ( she joined afterwards) misgendered me in an email. I thought I had explained to her my situation as a trans woman........but somewhere in her head she still felt he/him/his were the best pronouns etc. to be fair she was very apologetic when I explained things to her.

I think there are people out there, neither stupid nor vindictive, who do not have a clue about us or our situation/s. Why should they - they've almost certainly never had to question their own gender identity at any time in their life.

My advice, having not been in your situation, is to play it by ear - if asked, then tell. But it may be that an opportunity will arise that makes a broader "telling" to a group of colleagues possible- morning tea, lunch etc. I would also say - be prepared to have to explain things more than once to some people.

Hope all goes well and that it is a terrific workplace! 

I would come out to people when I become friendly with them and the subject comes up.

Example: "We're you in the girl scouts?" "Well, actually I grew up as a male."

It doesn't have to be and shouldn't be a big deal. It's just one more detail of your past that your friends will get to know.

I use to be in the similar situation, I was getting a new job and I applied as a normal male. Then I sign the employment contract and I start the job. I was having the same question as you did now and on the third day at new job, lunch time, half of department I work with were there, we was having lunch together. I decide that as soon as they know what I am, the better. If I leave it they will keep look at me as a man. So in the middle of the lunch place, I just said out that "hey everyone, I got one thing to tell all of you... I am a transgender and I am transitioning...." and I remember I heard someone shout out "I knew it!!!" LOL and then after that everyone in the company building know and I felt so relief. After that people adjust to me a bit, all the girls seem cool, but all the guys are acting weird, I see they do not know that how should they treat me. But after time, it was cool.

well, to be honest I never have and never will be in this situation because I'm on disability , but I would say just glide into it. Small office everyone is pretty familiar with each other select a target and enquire about how people feel about things and unload or HR.

Personally, I tend to like Suzi's idea and Stephanie's of starting with in personal small way. I'm kind of a fraidy cat and  I can see where that seems kind of stealthy too. I guess that at this point we live in a time where the term transgender is becoming more of a household word. Maybe it does society well to be better educated about what that means. Does the company have an official policy or sensitivity training? Now that June has been officially declared, umm sorry I didn't remember exactly the words. It is something about National and LGBT. Perhaps it would be less of an "big deal" if there was a company meeting discussing this for a few minutes and people representing those communities could talk  about what it means and open up to questions. Perhaps they could be ready with sort of a "top ten FAQ"... It might also give folks a chance to ask all those awkward questions they may not know.

That may be a terrible idea. Sorry. I love the idea of people continuing to learn all their lives, so a chance to educate can be wonderful. However, I know how my co-workers feel about " town meetings" where they get taught something. It is often not embraced with enthusiasm.

However you proceed, good luck and congratulations again.

With warm thoughts,

Joanna

Grace, you're pretty advanced in your transgender journey, so maybe in this job you don't really need the support of your work colleagues in the way you did in your former job?

It's obviously a totally personal preference to be able to share whatever you choose with your work colleagues.  Truly, if I were to change jobs at some point, I wouldn't even discuss my gender history - I'm just a girl. 

You'll find the right moment, like, as you said, if the topic of transgender health comes up at a meeting.  Until that time, you have the advantage of no history or predetermined perceptions, so I wouldn't give your colleagues any ammo until you're well and truly entrenched.

But if you find youself in the position of having to defend transgender people, then, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't hesitate to out myself and help educate my colleagues, gently, but firmly.

Hugs
Julia

my concern would be if things went bad with anyone I would have wanted to have talked to a boss or HR first to be sure that they would able to offer some level of non discrimination support, I do not know the situation you are in there but we all know and have had to deal with people who may just need another direction to focus the hate that feeds the soul

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 01, 2015, 09:02:19 AM
Example: "We're you in the girl scouts?" "Well, actually I grew up as a male."

Ouch. That wording sounds like, "No, I'm really a MAN."

I would say something like, "no, I'm trans so I didn't do that stuff."

To me the term "trans" is gentler than referring to yourself as male. If further explanation is needed you can explain. When I tell people I am "trans" or "transgender" they know exactly what I mean.

I'm experiencing the same thing now. I have been in my job for six months and it is my first position since transitioning. I don't know if I am pulling off stealth, or if I work with some of the politest, open minded, socially aware people in the world. I have not been mis-gendered once. It is worth pointing out that I work for a company that has the most inclusive anti-discrimination policy I have ever seen. There are protections for gender identity,  sexual identity, and affectional preference. 

I never meant to hide that I am trans, but I also didn't feel it necessary to point it out either. Now I worry that if someone does figure it out they will feel that they have been lied to. I really can't think of a response to that other than to say I never thought it was a secret. 

Or you can buy a large cake which has on it " Hi! everyone glad to be here and by the way I'm Transgender " for lunch break.

Quote from: allisonsteph on June 01, 2015, 11:45:54 AM
I never meant to hide that I am trans, but I also didn't feel it necessary to point it out either. Now I worry that if someone does figure it out they will feel that they have been lied to. I really can't think of a response to that other than to say I never thought it was a secret.

Why should it concern people... it's your own personal business. You alone should choose whether you want to share.

Really, I don't go telling everyone my entire medical history. They have zero vested interest in your gender or sexual orientation. Why should they feel like they've been lied to? You're not even lying.

My response would be, "yes, I am trans" and drop it right there. If I feel the need to talk about it great. If not, I can change the topic.  We need to make this less of a deal than people make it out to be because it really shouldn't be Earth shattering. We are who we are. Life goes on.

I wouldn't bring it up, Grace, not until you feel ready. I'm in a different boat. I still present male but intend to correct that before the year is out. We're not a protected class where I live. Rather than get hired and have it become obvious and maybe put me suddenly out of work, I told the manager I was interviewed by today that I'm trans. She just smiled and said, "that's not a problem!" I feel pretty good about it just now but I'll know more in a week.

I second speaking with HR.  They are there to hear out concerns in general.

They should also be able to let you know if it's appropriate to make an announcement or not.

Know where you stand, then it's down to work!

Usually I have avoided any discussion on my gender identity. I just act and show who I am.

Quote
THE FLOWER SERMON

Toward the end of his life, the Buddha took his disciples to a quiet pond for instruction. As they had done so many times before, the Buddha's followers sat in a small circle around him, and waited for the teaching.

But this time the Buddha had no words. He reached into the muck and pulled up a lotus flower. And he held it silently before them, its roots dripping mud and water.

The disciples were greatly confused. Buddha quietly displayed the lotus to each of them. In turn, the disciples did their best to expound upon the meaning of the flower: what it symbollized, and how it fit into the body of Buddha's teaching.
When at last the Buddha came to his follower Mahakasyapa, the disciple suddenly understood. He smiled and began to laugh. Buddha handed the lotus to Mahakasyapa and began to speak.

"What can be said I have said to you," smiled the Buddha, "and what cannot be said, I have given to Mahakashyapa."

Mahakashyapa became Buddha's successor from that day forward.

barbie~~

Personally, if I change jobs, I don't plan to out myself, even to HR, unless they raise the issue (because of some sort of background check). I won't deny it but I won't raise it either.

I'm not sure what to tell you. For me in IT, there's not a great value in coming out to co-workers who don't already know so I just don't feel the need. Your situation sounds different and all I can advise is that we each must do what we feel is right. However, I do agree with those who say if you feel you must do this, then start with Human Resources before you do anything else.

Good luck. I totally understand the need to tell them. It allows you to be even more at ease with yourself around them and even for them help you even more along the way. However If your going to tell them, then I would wait tell the right more casual moment to do so. This way it's less awkward for all involved and gets seen in a more positive light as a result. At least that is what I would do. Hugs
Mariah

So the first day has come and gone - and it went very well. They are good people, it is a good organisation and I think I will be able to work well with them. The boss is gay (and I know that because he mentioned his boyfriend within the first ten minutes) so I really don't think I have to worry about discrimination there. I'm quite clearly being accepted as a woman and there seems to be not indication that anyone suspects anything. Even so I doubt I will keep it under wraps forever. Believe it or not, it may actually benefit me to be an out trans person at this place. But I think I'd like to wallow in being fully accepted as a "genetic" woman for a while first.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on June 01, 2015, 11:10:16 AM
Grace, you're pretty advanced in your transgender journey, so maybe in this job you don't really need the support of your work colleagues in the way you did in your former job?

I suppose it's just that at my former workplace when they asked what I was going to do on my "day off" I'd have no hesitation telling them I was having electrolysis... got me quite a lot of sympathy!! lol!