Quote from: Dena on June 03, 2015, 10:26:10 AM

P.S. Now you see why I said you belong here. We could pick that up from your writing because some of what you wrote is in each of us.

Amen.

It's taken me a few days to process all this support. I really appreciate it. I took some steps and listened in to a group support session, shaved my arms finally, and will be going to see a hair stylist this weekend to help me be more comfortable. I told a few more people and talked about it a bit more. I'm more aware of my behaviors now, how I feel. Working on cancelling the wedding. It's hard watching my direct loved ones suffer tho... It's like by me leaving, their world is shattering and being replaced by loneliness.

I feel as though it's my fault I can't be what they need. I've lived my life as a 'man' for so long... So many years of repression... Some moments, I feel completely female, like I can't live my life like this anymore. Other times, I feel so complacent, like it's already how it is and maybe I should just continue on being this way. Like I would just be making it harder on myself than it already is...

But... It would be soooooo nice to just once, wake up and have.... I don't know...

Thank you all.

Hi Ada, Welcome to Susan's. I thought In posted this before but must have goofed.

Anywho, you do so belong here. YOU, are why we are here. You are why Susan created this safe little space. You are why the moderators do a great job of keeping this place safe - so you, whether or not you know you're transgender or are just questioning, have a place where you can come and ask questions, meet people who have gone through many of the issues you're facing, or just come and get a hug.

Although it may seem crazy now, but you have a lot going for you. Your father is accepting - very cool. You've come out to your fiance before you got married - many of us wish we'd have known before we got married. You've started seeing a therapist and one visit might be too soon to come to the conclusion you're transgender, we want you to know we are here for you. If you ultimately decide to transition, we're behind you. If you decide that transition isn't for you, you know what, we're behind you. We're not going to rah-rah you into transitioning, but be here for you to ask questions and be a resource and be supportive.

I'm at work so I don't get to welcome everyone, but I want you to know, we are glad you found us and hope we can be of a help to you.

HUGS,

Traci

You were posting as I was. we've all repressed for a long time, we all hated causing disruption to our families, we all struggle with confusion and wavering feelings until it gets sorted out, a decision is made, a plan is made and then put into action. It would be nice having not been born this way, but it sure is interesting, and remember you do deserve happiness. It might not be what others had envisioned for your life, but it's up to you to decide.

Hugs

It would have been far easier to go with the flow and stay in your old life but in the end you wouldn't be happy and you might have caused even more pain to others. This path will be hard but  in the long run, I think you will find happiness. We all have wished at sometime in our life this would just all go away but the only way to make it go away is to face it. I am happy for you and if I help you, let me know.