Oh believe me they know, they just can't fathom anyone they know doing it. Its kind of one of those things we learn growing up. But I know mean who shave their legs and women who don't.

I keep thinking that if there are women out there who can be mainly and still be female, then why not me? And of course the answer is that that is not me. I am feminine and like being cute, but I like to think of myself as a neutral girl with an inner gay guy* who has an inner cute girl. I just don't want to be seen as the neutral girl, or a girl for that matter. And I say girl because I can never really see myself as a woman. A man though I can see my self being.

*by inner gay guy I do not mean it in the way that women in pop culture use it. I don't mean flamboyant or into pop culture and or musicals like portrayed on TV. I mean it as a guy who is attracted to men, is feminine, and loves fashion to a degree.

...hmm..so I do have this much figured out...but not sure what to do about it

Quote from: Caduti Morte on June 05, 2015, 02:03:01 PM

...hmm..so I do have this much figured out...but not sure what to do about it

Well you just might say you like it that way... its your style and thats how you feel comfortable...


hugs

I'm probably projecting here, but I see a lot of myself in your story. Your not alone in your feelings. Personally I have found that the best way to deal with things is to let go, not over-think, and just experience yourself. Take it one day at a time and experiment little by little. A therapist, someone detached and impartial to talk to, can't hurt.

I identify as female, but I some times bind and present as male because that feels right to me. I used to call myself genderfluid, then stopped, then started again, then just started calling myself a weird cis person. Then non binary...the labels get pretty frustrating. Its best just to go with it. I have doubts about myself, and tumblr NEVER helps with that. A lotta nasty tweeners with nothing better to do but squabble over identity politics go on there. To heck with them.

Good luck on your journey.

We are all confused early in treatment but something I picked up from another post might be useful to you. Go to youtube and request "The transition channel". The videos are very well done and will give you a name or eliminate some things from your list. Good luck on your journey and if I can be of any help, let me know.

So today has been a strange day in ways.
Oh, and sorry for dumping my thoughts all in this thread.

For the last few days I've realized that I have a habit of looking at my arm or my leg or my foot and find myself thinking "this is a male's [insert body part]" I've been doing this for as long as I can remember, but it has seem to be a.constant thing these days. Today I woke up and felt like all of me was male. It was a rather nice feeling and the voice in my head "I wanna be a boy" was silent for once. It was the first time that I had no doubts about what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be, the only thing holding me back is fear.

Since realizing this though I have doubts again. I constantly worry this is a self esteem issue, but at the same time I know it isn't. My self esteem is at an all time high. I think my doubts steem from a worry that I won't be able to transition successfully, in the social sense.