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Transmen are you ashamed of your emotions?

Started by Jake25, June 01, 2015, 01:51:12 AM

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Mosaic dude

QuoteThat's good to know that testosterone can do that.

I'm sure it's different for different people,  but for me it seems that depression is almost entirely related to hormones.  I took SSRIs for most of my 20s and they did work very well for me,  but once I started T I found I no longer needed them.
Living in interesting times since 1985.
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GnomeKid

I'm not ashamed of them, but I don't tend to discuss them publicly.
I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

"Oh what a cute little girl, or boy if you grow up and feel thats whats inside you" - Liz Lemon

Happy to be queer!    ;)
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Jake25

Quote from: GnomeKid on June 06, 2015, 09:33:51 PM
I'm not ashamed of them, but I don't tend to discuss them publicly.

Yes, sharing them with others was partially what I meant. I do it online only.
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GnomeKid

Quote from: Jake25 on June 07, 2015, 01:39:19 PM
Yes, sharing them with others was partially what I meant. I do it online only.

I should say though, that I have that my best friend is the MOST emotional (cis)man (... really person at all) I think on the face of the planet.  I don't necessarily associate my emotions with femininity.  Rather, its a desire to stay in any way out of the spotlight.  I also just don't like to make a big thing of myself.  I deal with things better on my own for the most part.  When things get really rough I don't hesitate to say, but I also don't let it effect my exterior actions in any way that would be noticeable to the majority of people.
I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

"Oh what a cute little girl, or boy if you grow up and feel thats whats inside you" - Liz Lemon

Happy to be queer!    ;)
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Tysilio

The only time I'm ashamed of my emotions is when they cause me to do something which makes others unhappy or uncomfortable: if I'm cranky at the end of the day and I get grumpy with my partner, for instance. However, I've learned that it's a lot better to share those feelings than to sit on them. If I come right out and say "I'm tired and crabby and this isn't a good time for us to talk," all is well: she gets it, knows it's not about her, and that I'm on the way to getting over it. (Sharing emotions is also good for that, by the way -- acknowledging what you're feeling is more than half the battle of getting past it.)

I have no reason to compare my emotions to those of cis women, since I'm not one. I've never identified as a woman (despite years of denial about being transsexual), nor have I ever really understood some of the ways they do emotion.

T, therapy, and doing some mindfulness practice have all done wonders for how I experience emotions: I'm calmer and more in sync with the world and myself since starting T, my therapist is a bit of a whiz, and learning to notice how my body is feeling at a given moment makes me much more aware of my emotional states, and better able to handle them.  Sometimes, not always, that involves expressing them to other people -- that can still be scary, but I'm getting over it.
Never bring an umbrella to a coyote fight.
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Jake25

Quote from: GnomeKid on June 08, 2015, 09:09:30 AM
I should say though, that I have that my best friend is the MOST emotional (cis)man (... really person at all) I think on the face of the planet.  I don't necessarily associate my emotions with femininity.  Rather, its a desire to stay in any way out of the spotlight.  I also just don't like to make a big thing of myself.  I deal with things better on my own for the most part.  When things get really rough I don't hesitate to say, but I also don't let it effect my exterior actions in any way that would be noticeable to the majority of people.

I'm similar to that.
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Jake25

Quote from: Tysilio on June 08, 2015, 09:54:12 AM
The only time I'm ashamed of my emotions is when they cause me to do something which makes others unhappy or uncomfortable: if I'm cranky at the end of the day and I get grumpy with my partner, for instance. However, I've learned that it's a lot better to share those feelings than to sit on them. If I come right out and say "I'm tired and crabby and this isn't a good time for us to talk," all is well: she gets it, knows it's not about her, and that I'm on the way to getting over it. (Sharing emotions is also good for that, by the way -- acknowledging what you're feeling is more than half the battle of getting past it.)

I have no reason to compare my emotions to those of cis women, since I'm not one. I've never identified as a woman (despite years of denial about being transsexual), nor have I ever really understood some of the ways they do emotion.

T, therapy, and doing some mindfulness practice have all done wonders for how I experience emotions: I'm calmer and more in sync with the world and myself since starting T, my therapist is a bit of a whiz, and learning to notice how my body is feeling at a given moment makes me much more aware of my emotional states, and better able to handle them.  Sometimes, not always, that involves expressing them to other people -- that can still be scary, but I'm getting over it.

You're lucky to have such a good therapist and wife.
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Jszar

Ashamed? No. I'm a logical decision-maker who was raised by people who base their decisions first and foremost on value judgments - feelings. If anything, I keep my emotions to myself because I'm protective of my privacy after having been interrogated about them so often in the past.
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Jake25

Quote from: Jszar on June 13, 2015, 07:20:08 PM
Ashamed? No. I'm a logical decision-maker who was raised by people who base their decisions first and foremost on value judgments - feelings. If anything, I keep my emotions to myself because I'm protective of my privacy after having been interrogated about them so often in the past.

That's wonderful. I love Spock, are you kin to the Vulcans?
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teddybear_zach

I'm not ashamed of my emotions. I embrace them. any form of self hatred was frowned upon in my family. We were taught to love ourselves completely and if we wanted to change or improve something then take the initiative and do it. If I want to cry I will cry and not care who thinks any different about it. being on T hasn't impacted my emotional expression, if anything it liberated me all the more to show what I feel when I want to and not care
Started T: 10/25/2014
Name Change: 02/28/2015
Hysterectomy(uterus, ovaries/tubes): 04/02/2015
Top Surgery: 12/08/2015
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Jake25

Quote from: teddybear_zach on June 14, 2015, 12:23:24 PM
I'm not ashamed of my emotions. I embrace them. any form of self hatred was frowned upon in my family. We were taught to love ourselves completely and if we wanted to change or improve something then take the initiative and do it. If I want to cry I will cry and not care who thinks any different about it. being on T hasn't impacted my emotional expression, if anything it liberated me all the more to show what I feel when I want to and not care

I like your family philosophy. I agree and think everyone should live that way as well. Wouldn't the world be a better place?
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teddybear_zach

Quote from: Jake25 on June 14, 2015, 06:01:04 PM
I like your family philosophy. I agree and think everyone should live that way as well. Wouldn't the world be a better place?
I like you Jake, you are a real down to earth open minded guy. Don't let anyone change that. Embrace the man inside you and not society's version of it and I swear you will be fine

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

Started T: 10/25/2014
Name Change: 02/28/2015
Hysterectomy(uterus, ovaries/tubes): 04/02/2015
Top Surgery: 12/08/2015
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Jake25

Quote from: teddybear_zach on June 14, 2015, 06:04:42 PM
I like you Jake, you are a real down to earth open minded guy. Don't let anyone change that. Embrace the man inside you and not society's version of it and I swear you will be fine

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

Thank you very much for that, Zach. I like you too.
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Ephemeral

I've been naturally melancholic. Didn't change. I've also always been guarded with what emotions I show and when and adhered to a more typical masculine gender role in that regard before T and my transition, so that didn't change either.

The only thing T changed though I think it wasn't just T  but just an overall personality change in me in general which occurred due to a natural spurt of self-development and growth that the transition was a part of, is that I nowadays got a much shorter fuse and when it goes it goes hard. I can see red very quickly and almost lose myself and what I'm doing when I do. Things just happen. I've never been violent or the like and I've always known I've had a very destructive side of my anger that if I let it out freely without inhibiting some of it, I don't know what I could potentially do (essentially, it's just that I choose to not give a ->-bleeped-<- anymore and ignore that I do have a consciousness), but I felt that this part got a little exacerbated post-T. In many ways I feel like my repressed teenage years are just catching up to me and that I'm now living the teenage life I would have led if all the ->-bleeped-<- that happened didn't happen and it made me bottle up all my feelings and shut them far, far away in a deep and corner of my psyche. I still have problems accessing my feelings and being emotionally vulnerable, but this isn't related to testosterone or my transition. I've always been that way.

I don't feel shame for my emotions. I do however feel some kind shame, though I wouldn't call it such because it's not per se a conscious feeling of shame, for feeling weak.
Come watch with me as our world burns.
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BenKenobi

I used to be ashamed for crying. I was chastised for it by my dad and my then-boyfriend. Now, while i rather not cry in public i won't apologize for it. Things have been hard and fast. I lost a loved one, i fear i might lose more on top of a pet that may need to be euthanized. ->-bleeped-<- yes I'm going to cry because no one should hold in grief. It's unhealthy.
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