Everyone talking about toys makes me want to buy a GI Joe on Ebay. I had little army men and toy reptiles, as well as barbies and stuffed animals. I collected stuffed animals until I was 23, then finally let them go. I still have a few. I have a couple china dolls too that I'm keeping despite turning into a man.

I had Major Matt Mason, an astronaut who came with a moonbase and Captain Action who had masks and costumes to turn him into various superheroes. I didn't have G.I. Joe because I was never much into war and soldiers. They were some of the few acceptable dolls, I mean "action figures"  available for MAABs in the 60's. Captain Action was the boyfriend of the Barbie which belonged to the girl next door.

Funny, I played with the girls in the neighborhood and my two best male friends later turned out to be gay.

And by the way, the more comfortable I get being trans the more of my lost childhood I begin to remember.

I don't think I fit that narrative, yet later in the article, the author creates a check list of things that are actually pretty close to me but certainly not in the order or description that is written. Rose mentioned something that I have only recently (at middle age) been able to describe.

the person I saw in the mirror every morning became a stranger.
The main difference is I have never recognized myself. I have often written it is like a trick to watch me manipulate that other's face in the mirror. It has only gotten more intense as I have aged. I started going grey/white in high school then lost a lot of hair on my head(why couldn't it be nose, ears, back, legs abdomen-anywhere but on my head). I have a job that has months of fairly long work hours and tension so I have aged early. Now I see this old stranger staring back.

Rose also stated, "the article you linked to doesn't talk about late-onset cases." I would suggest that he does the checklist at the end and says between the ages of 35 and 65. Maybe you mean later than that. There seems to be a lot of us in the later bracket on this site. However, many support groups and sites do seem more focused on the younger groups.

Why did it take 28 years for this to incubate?  Why did I have to be born with this time bomb ticking away inside my personality?  And neither medicine nor common sense provide any answers.  Maybe it's nature, maybe it's nurture, but no one has an opinion that goes beyond rampant speculation and untestable hypotheses and variables like me just make the job of sorting out the how and why of it a Gordian knot of questions.  The narrative of "I always knew I was a girl" makes me feel like I shouldn't even exist.

Yeah, I know your question, for me it was more like 48 or 50 years. I'm pretty sure from what I have read some here realized much later even. But I did have a lot of hints. Not exactly the "narrative" but follows some fairly standard descriptions. Like Suzi mentioned, it took me a while to work through all of this messy stuff of past and internal views and feelings mostly because of the aspect of the narrative that says, "I always knew I was a girl". I certainly didn't. I did things that said that but I was not able to add it up.

I like the article. Mostly because I think the prevalence of trans people in the world is under reported. So, I also think the research is skewed  and inaccurate. I understand the idea of the narrative being palatable, while others are messy and not easy to take. It seems a little easy and maybe a little paranoid.  However, I honestly think that studies cannot reflect a community unless more of the community is included in the research.

However, it is not lost on me that many of the stories would not be viewed with empathy, much less sympathy. So, while I would love for all stories to be available and accepted to the public, is it wrong of me to embrace any narrative to make this understood to the general public. Perhaps once the normal "narrative' is accepted, we can start adding  and educating about the other versions on the spectrum.

With hope and warm thoughts,

Joanna

My narrative actually fits the "standard" narrative quite closely (should I be embarrassed?). The main differences were application and degree. I was afraid of my mother--she's an intimidating person--so I rarely defied her, especially in her consistent encouragement of girly pursuits. I resisted a great deal, though, mostly passively.

I don't remember ever declaring myself a boy, but that's what I had my imagination for. In those days, I don't think all that many budding trans kids did declare themselves to be the opposite of their designation.

Toys have such power in my memory. As an adult, I went out and got myself some Matchbox cars out of sheer bloodymindedness. I still have the stuffed collie that my father brought back from Vietnam. I'll keep it until it disintegrates. But I do wish I'd kept my spy pistol. I saw one on eBay a little while back, and it was pricey. Oddly enough, it didn't look nearly as cool and realistic as I remembered.